what is it...? is it me? in my last life did i wrong men so badly that i must pay 4 it 4 eternity...? was i a war traitor and my evilness/stupidity killed many of my own men? this is karmic payback?
i just dunno what it is? men are so completely unreliable in my life...every male in my life is unreliable...none of my 983459834579834 step fathers have anything to do with me...my own father has nothing to do with me...my brother booked out early and its not like u can depend on the dead...he was someone i thought would be my constant...i thought he would always be there 4 me when every other man let me down...which is likely why the loss of him is still so fucking devestating.
even on the simplistic level of friendship i find men never reciprocate entirely...not that its about keeping score...but you know when someone habitually makes u feel like a chump that you are giving way more than u are getting...
perhaps i have more expectations than i think i do?? i dont think so...i have fairly low expectations of men/humans in general...i mean i know there are good men out there...i believe in unicorns too...and leprachauns...anyway...this is not a man bashing post in any form...truly...i like boys...theyre fun...and i realize the genders are very different in many ways...i just should stop taking it personally. (this has nothing to do with the englishman btw...)
fuck anyway...i am feeling the TIME CRUNCH here big time....i have to make a plan to go to vancouver and im completely scatterbrained...i need to just RELAX...i have no kid...i have $...and i have the time off....so FUCKING RELAX JEN U STUPID ANAL RETENTIVE TRAVELLING FREAK OF NATURE.
im just mad cuz i was outbid on that painting...so now im stomping my feet and having a hissy.
im supposed to be writing a review ... hahah hahaha hhahaha I think ill plan my trip and watch a movie instead....oh wait...the englishmans coming over...yay!
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