perhaps i should live my life in the shower.
the gay pasta dinner went well...got to hear all about Shawn and Phil's loss of virginity to women (eek!) and how they came out of the
closet etc...can u imagine being a teenager and knowing yer gay but pretending yer now? shit when yer straight its enough work to be a teenager never mind pulling an academy award performance everyday of your life.
ayla and i talked today....im hoping we came to an understanding that can be followed through with...jesus is it too much to ask for a little "peace" in the hood?
im sure thinks im the most hideous human on the planet, here strictly to just make her miserable but my gawd...it is amazing how no matter how much they drive in insane and anger you, you still love them...its heart wrenching really...
when ayla was little i was sickeningly living with this fear she would die...it made leaving her with anyone other than myself very difficult...i actually considered seeing a Dr about it bc it was so mindfucking at the time....i eventually was able to force myself to STOP thinking bad thoughts, even now I have to do it...i think about her getting hit by a car EVERYDAY...or snatched by a PERVERT...or a piano falling on her head and other stupid freak accidents...its exhausting.