Sigh....Oh the clarity and wisdom age brings....
Isn't getting old awesome...Ayla is horrified I may go bald in the front...im horrified I will live to be old enough to get bald in the front...and equally horrified I will die at a time I think it is not CONVENIENT. I was thinking that the other day, relating it all to my health etc...thinking how GAY it would be to kick the bucket right b4 u get to know yer grandkids or something like that...
RUDE.
My shoes are crippling me less everyday! YAY!!! What a fucking hero I am.
I have come to the conclusion I am not nearly as accepting as I think I am...I think ON A WHOLE I am accepting...but I have some serious moments where I am a friggin IDIOT for not good reason really.
So I am gunna work on that....becoming more ZEN...becoming more accepting of things outside my own realm...I think this will make life a little easier to live.
I spoke to my mom the other day on the phone and I think 4 the 1st time in my life i genuinely felt sorry 4 her...not because she is miserable and unhappy and was crying on the phone but b/c I dont think she truly has the ability to make changes/choices that would seem logical to the rest of us.
I have never felt sorry 4 her b4, I have always harbored a lot of bitterness and anger so it was a little weird to have that shift to empathy...maybe it was a momentary lapse in my rage, I dunno but....I invited her down here in Oct for a few days thinking maybe a change of scenery would be good for her.
Time will tell.
I am thinking of asking the Nazi landlady if we can get a cat. It is cheaper than a sibling...I might talk myself out of it....I think im pre-menstrual and not thinking straight.
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