@#$%!

I am so hot in my new sweater I may never wear it again...I cannot tell you how completely inconvenient and chi ruining this dress code business is...oh sure you think, what's the big deal having to wear dress pants and something without food grease spots on the front....well let me tell you IM NOT HAPPY. This weirdo polyester wardrobe hell I dwell in currently is completely ruining my life. I feel icky all the time...im suddenly having to THINK about what I am gunna wear and how that will affect me with the weather, work load, walking I am having to do to get to and from work, what shoes to accommodate such walking and weather and did I mention I think I look fucking ridiculous?

Ahhh yes that's the crook of it...I feel like a bloody fraud and a wanna-be trying to look like a semi-professional when I am not of the mind set to pull that off. This is why I have never really had a "look"...I am far too complicated to fit one "look".

I am also fashion retarded and don't get the whole scene. Even as a teen I was fashion retarded only no one noticed probably b/c it was the 80's and everyone looks equally retarded. I have never been a hair and makeup girl...never managed to get good at that either. I dunno why I even am a girl...aside from saggy boobs and a vagina I don't really think I am a girl...ok I am a little EMOTIONAL at times...but I dunno...it just wouldn't ever in 1083475837857634785 years occur to me to wear pink, high heels, a corset or a dress. THAT'S FOR GIRLS!

I am so conflicted. Is this what transsexuals feel like?? Living a life of total confliction. Acting one way but feeling another. Why can't grunge be cool again? It's the only time I was ever *in* without trying...

In a perfect world I'd wear my old mac jacket, black t-shirt and jeans with comfy shoes. THE END. Bury me in that exact outfit please. Wait – cremate me b/c I haven't been HOT enough in this life yet. I currently have the window open wide and a fan blowing on me...and the simple act of typing is making me WARM. My new shoes are reasonably comfortable...my right foot is noticeably larger than my left though as that shoe is still a wee bit tight. See...in my world NONE OF THIS CRAP IS AN ISSUE!!! But now I am forced to be a gawd damn sheeple and dress like a sheeple and pretend I am normal when we all know perfectly well I am not.

I am simple...sometimes of mind....but always of spirit. It doesn't take much to make me happy. It doesn't take much to get me excited or make me feel content. Is it too much to ask that I get to wear what the F I wanna wear? Trust me, a comfortable Jen is far more productive and far happier than the uncomfortable Jen.

OK WHINE FEST OVER. I fucking hate this sweater. The End. Oh and I forgot my MP3 player this morning. WTF!?