1030pm EDIT: ok dont shit the bed...I am just panicking...I will probably go ahead with this I just need to spazz out a little cuz I dont like my innards getting fucked with...
1:50 pm - Ok so here I go: I am honestly not sure I want this gallbladder surgery. At 1st I was relieved to finally have made it to the top of the list but now that I have done some reading I am FAR MORE unsure.
It seems like the possible post-op effects of having no GB are really friggin shitty (pardon the pun)...20% of ppl who get their GB yanked have chronic diarrhea. 20%!! Then there are people who started having all sorts of gastrointestinal issues like IBS etc. Then there is the unexplained weight gain people experience. SERIOUSLY? FML I need mysterious weight gain like I need a 3rd tit.
The truth of it is...I don’t have consistent GB pain. While losing weight my GB gets very sensitive and I have to be careful to not indulge in bad food or it goes ape ship crazy. I haven’t had a GB attack in close to a year I think...and yes they are worse now than ever, lasting up to 12 hrs and sending me in a cab to the ER b/c I cannot cope. These attacks cause me great anxiety...not gunna lie...b/c I pretty much think I am fucking dying and the GB must have ruptured and my bile is burning holes all over my body and gangrene is gunna set in etc...fugg. But the thought of the trots for the rest of my fucking life EVERY DAY causes me more anxiety I think. Like I don’t have enough hang ups about public shitting rituals as it is? Jesus. So I have sent off a spastic email to my Dr and am probing her for logic and info...and I am seriously considering cancelling the surgery....but I am gunna take my time and read more and wait for her answer....etc. Thank you Michelle B for bringing this up in my head today...no seriously, no being sarcastic at all!
So aside from over-thinking about having the shits all the time this Monday isn’t too hideous...so damn tired though...4 am I woke up bc I was SO HOT...I moved out to the couch with the fan on and kinda slept til 530 but I was dreaming stupid shit. Ayla had some boy over who wasn’t her BF and he let this obese wingless peacock in the house and it wouldn’t leave...plus some other fucking birds got in so the whole dream was me spazzing out trying to get these birds out. SO RESTFUL! :\
I ate a lot of pizza last night...in preparation for my good eating starting today...I ate so much pizza in fact I was SURE my GB was gunna call BS on me and try to kill me but no...the little rotten bastard was mellow and peaceful. Here is another thing on my mind....they poke 4 holes into your lardness and do the laparrapptascopy (sp) via camera etc...when they sever the GB and take it out...what if all the crap inside it squishes out all over the damn place?? WTF! Will I get gangrene? Infection? Cancer?! How gross would it be to walk around with your gallstones floating around in your gut? Don’t get me started on the clips they use to clip off the bile ducts etc. I don’t want that crap in me..possibly coming undone and floating around...I am SO conflicted!!