Thursday, September 15, 2011

I am still in the romantic throws of my Liam Finn obsession...sorry for everyone who will receive a copy of his music whether they want one or not...I am a little excitable and like to share. I want the damn CDs to show up so I can listen to him in my bedroom [do not think about it now – it only gets dirtier from here].

The weather has turned...on the weekend I was sweating my balls off - scared to go outside for fear the sun and heat would melt me like a piece of cotton candy in a drooling child’s I am actually cold and I am indoors. They will turn the heat on eventually in here and it’ll be hideously hot and horrifying and I will be looked at like a lunatic for having my a/c on from time to time. I know most everyone is sad summer is gone but NOT I! ::insert happy dancing and lard jiggling here::

Maybe I will cut all my hair off to commemorate this grand seasonal change? Talk me out of it please. I have always hated my hair after a drastic hair cut...I have no idea why I am cyclically compelled to cut my hair off...truth is until I dump some weight cutting my hair off would be unwise...if hair was heavier I would do it as an attempt to un-tip the scales...I have considered what life would be like with 1 leg...b/c the weight loss benefit of my losing a WHOLE THIGH would be pretty substantial! I love it when I type for a while and look up and have made so many typos I can’t even distinguish what I was trying to say.

I feel restless...I feel I should be doing something...yet I lack the motivation to do anything but stare at my budget spreadsheet and wonder HOW THE FUCK I am supposed to have any sort of life after Ayla graduates...we decided it only makes sense for her to stay living at home so she can save up for school, it’s cheaper for her so more can be saved when she is working full time...I have been so worried about this grad trip and then grad expenses I didn’t really think too much about after that...I will be officially be lacking 350ish bucks when she grads...yet my expenses will not really change...BAHAHAHA CONKLIN! I am such a dick. It’ll come down to ditching cable and a land line I guess – I am determined not to worry about it. Ayla can start paying her own cell bill and pitch in a token rent amount and it will all work out – but you know how I love to panic about this shit a year in advance.

I have come to recognize my lack of being able to pair up with anyone [with a fucking job] has left me in a limited financial bubble. Single incomes are great if you have cheap rent, no kids and no debt. I have no debt....none...but my rent is lame and my kid...well I am not getting rid of her...I adore her despite her rude nature that I am convinced will be outgrown. I want to afford her some time to get all her ducks in a row and get herself sorted before pushing her out into the shitty world. Who knows – the plan might change 823759384x before graduation so...I should shut up now.

No comments: