One Year

Yesterday was the 1 year anniversary of the passing of Taylor Magnusson...pretty solemn day in my head – especially knowing that Tere was dealing by spending the day with her sisters and friends doing a little memorial thing for Taylor. The impending doom of the anniversary certainly took its toll on her...I find sometimes the lead up to these anniversaries is worse than the actual date itself...I quite often find myself peaceful on the date...almost like you prepare for it so well by the time it arrives you are insulated somehow.

I have been reading a lot about the effects of antidepressants on certain groups of people. The incidences of people having just started or who were on antidepressants involved in murder/suicides is incredibly alarming. This number is not a LOW number either...in Taylor’s case I am convinced his suicide was related to the effects of an antidepressant he just started. In all truthfulness, I don’t think most of these prescriptions are necessary – having been on anti depressants myself in the past I can say with clarity they were counter-productive. Don’t get me wrong, they did what they were supposed to do for me...I was ‘even’, experienced less extremes in emotion and was essentially myself but the best of myself as far as maintaining mood control etc. Nothing wrong with that...right? Well actually there is something wrong with that...for all the time I was on the medication I spent that time not dealing with the behaviour and feelings and prolonging the inevitable really. Unlike many ppl I was not on them long – I never felt ok about it...even while enjoying the feeling of emotional stability for the 1^st time ever. They alter your brain...and even when it is good I could not help but feel extremely fucked up about that. The eye twitch made it very easy to kick the draw towards artificial stability...who the hell wants a gawd damn eye twitch? NOT I.

I was certainly a best case scenario...but let me tell you...those so-called “rare” side effects like serotonin syndrome are not so rare and completely downplayed by physicians...and in turn under reported b/c I can assure you in the case of Taylor Magnusson – the fact he had been on a new antidepressant, prescribed by his grandmothers Dr...and went out with such uncharacteristic violence no one thinks to question the therapeutic levels of antidepressant in his system...it gets chalked up as just another suicide...

I have no doubt that many ppl find these meds to be life saving and feel their quality of life is improved by these...and you know what...good for you but there needs to be far more awareness and warning given to people being given these drugs...and some accountability...warnings especially younger people who it seems to affect more. Taylor had his whole life ahead of him, he was not the typical sad sack kid who battled mood problems his whole life...he was a funny, gentle hearted kid who held the hearts of many people and his horrifying and violent exit from this world is just terribly heartbreaking.