Smattering of Blatheriness

Today is Deanna's service in Powell River...let the collective sigh of defeat and grief begin. I am extremely impressed that her niece Kori is doing the main eulogy...Kori will do her some justice for certain. If I was less of an emotional cripple I would have gone back myself...no excuses...I just cannot bare such raw emotion in public...feeling it or seeing others experiencing it...

Yesterday was spent rearranging a few rooms around which ate the whole effing day to today I choose to putter, cook and then go to the gym after dinner when it will be dead...maybe I will try a treadmill with a TV...might even try the steam room...though I am sure I wouldn't last long.

The Y change room experience is always a total trip...I have always been pretty modest so it amazes me that ppl use the change room like their own person washrooms. I feel like such an alien in there...there is boob and muff EVERYWHERE and I try to go about my business but fml if I am not constantly distracted by all the blatant nudity.

Fake Boob/Fitness Model Lady especially...I am in awe of those strange gravity defiant boobs of hers...it is like they are being suspended by marionette strings...a mind of their own...UNTIL SHE BENDS OVER....when she leans over and the fake boob falls fwd it creates this bizarre pucker...like gathered curtains underneath. No one should see that...it looks too freaky.

I think I have a bit of a flow there now though....I have to sit in the lounge area in front of a fan for 15 mins after I am done to cool off so my brain can actually form thoughts again...I have never sweat so much in my life...it is so gross...I actually thought someone was spraying me with water the other day but it was just my own sweat gushing into my shoe. So gross...there will be no getting away with wearing a gym shirt more than once.

Miss A. was not extended at work....most ppl would be sad about this...but not her...she was smiling and already booked herself a ticket to Ecuador/Peru for 2 mths. She leaves Mar 23....returning May 22. Her 2 friends are already there and shes been moping and blah since they left last month so...shes suddenly skipping around, happy as can be. Today she is going to MEC to buy the perfect backpack and waterproof hiking shoes since she will be living out of a backpack for 2 months.

Why do I sound so calm you ask...? Well I am not...I am sickened at the thought of all that can go wrong when I am not in the vicinity to fix it...BUT....I also realize she is 19 and is going to do what she wants so all I can do is help her be as prepared as possible and try to shut my brain off. Ultimately I am happy she is going b/c it will be a life altering experience...one I want her to have...I WANT this for her..I always have wanted her to do the things like this...from the time she was a baby....I wanted her to get the travel bug...b/c I know if you do not do that stuff while you are young (due to finances, responsibilities, neurosis etc) you may never get to so do it while the getting is good. Really shitty things happen to ppl at home or abroad so...I have to remind myself that she is smart and I have brainwashed her thoroughly to trust no one...