Tuesday, March 19, 2013

My Changing Room Adventures & Other Musings at the Y

For some people this is no big deal at all...the change room weirdness. Maybe everyone in there thinks it is a weird as I do - I have no idea....what I do know is some ppl are really comfortable with nudity...most importantly their own nudity in public.
Since I was a kid I have had a very heightened sense of modesty....I recall as a very small child being too uptight to walk past my grandfather and uncle wrapped in a towel after a bath. Age appropriate for sure – only I never out grew this hyper-modest bullshit...even as I got older I never changed in front of girlfriends that I recall...as a teen – same thing...quite uncomfortable with public nudity in any context. Oddly – I am rarely dressed when I am home alone...private nudity – LOVE IT....public...not so much. This makes my fun time at the Y even weirder. I guess I should be thankful for all the exhibitionists and carefree souls at the Y b/c if we all needed change rooms and bathroom stalls there would be line ups to get dressed and undressed and that would be annoying.
I am there at the same time most days so I am seeing many familiar faces...errr...and boobs/crotches. I have names for them 1) Fake Titty Fitness Model Lady 2) Auschwitz Japanese Lady 3) Gray Pube Lady 4) Mean Lesbian Lady 5) Svelte Magazine Reader Lady etc...I have seen more muff in the last month at this gym then I have in my whole 42 yrs combined...and not on purpose...I don’t go looking for this shit...I will walk around the corner and practically walk right into a Gray Pubed Muff – then I panic averting my eyes in any other direction...this is odd behaviour being a natural voyeur type...there is something about the confines of a change room...it’s like spying on ppl using the bathroom – it’s not ok...so it makes me highly edgy. One time I was checking out the shower stalls, specifically casing them out in case I ever decide to shower or use the pool and someone was showering and she looked at me as I was looking intensely into the shower area and I am pretty sure I looked like a weird pervert. I really wanted to say something after but the guaranteed awkwardness was just too much for me to handle.
Here is my latest thing...I have decided to go by the treadmills heart rate chart...I figured out my max heart rate is 183 for my age...80% of that is 144 so 144-148 is cardio level workout (more than that feels like a massive coronary - I was at 167 my 1st day and thought I was gunna effing die)....as opposed to 117 for fat burn...but 117 is fuck all so I like to go 144-148 the whole hour I am there sweating my fake balls off. So...here it is...as a giant person how can my workout at 144-148 heart rate be the same as someone who is 110 lbs? If that 110 lb person has a 200lb backpack on then I would say it would be an even work out...as far as exertion levels...I did my hour thing yesterday next to a person jogging...I was sweating as much as she was....so if that stupid machine says I only burned 300 and some calories (I am not a calorie counter at all and rarely have the machine tell me what the caloric burn is b/c I find it depressing as shit) but she burned 500 and something b/c she was running...HOW CAN THAT BE?? Giant fatty walking hard hauling so much weight has to count for extra burn right?!?!?!?! I should ask Shawn this stuff...he will set me straight...anyway...this is what I think about while I am trying to not wipe out on the treadmill, watching Judge Judy with sweat trickling down my ass crack. Awesome.
I still can’t bring myself to shower at the gym...I like long leisurely showers WITH A LOCKED DOOR between me and the general public...plus I am just too lazy to...it is a lot of work to be as anal retentive as I am and shower in a public place.


Anonymous said...

I got totally used to locker room nudity from the mandatory group showers in gym class in junior high and high school. After showering alongside 29 other naked girls five days a week for six years, I've seen it all and then some.

Even though I wasn't too thrilled with the group showering thing at the beginning of the seventh grade, I'm glad that we were required to shower back then in gym class, it has made things a lot easier to shower and change at the gym that I go to now, and it's the same group shower setup as in school.


~Jen~ said...

What you describe in 7th grade was my nightmare in 7th grade. We had mandatory showering after gym as well and I did EVERYTHING to avoid actually having a shower....to the point of wetting my hair and appearing showered to the teacher in order to avoid getting naked..I have clearly had modesty issues (aka poor body image) from wayyyy back.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry to hear that you had so much anxiety in the locker room. You have my sympathies!

Toward the end of the sixth grade we were told that at the junior high the next year we would be required to shower in gym class. I had assumed that it would be like at some campgrounds that I had been to, where you had your own private stall.
When I mentioned it to my mother and sister later that night, my sister, who was already in high school, told me that it was NOT in stalls, and that it was 100% out in the open in front of EVERYONE ELSE in the locker room!

I freaked out!!!!

That whole summer leading up to the start of seventh grade I was dreading the thought of gym class.

My sister kept assuring me that it wasn't that bad, but I didn't believe her.

I can still vividly remember being in the locker room at the end of the first gym class that year, and standing there in my underwear trying to summon the courage to take off my bra and panties. I swear that I must have been bright red with embarrassment as I finally took of my underwear.

There wasn't even anywhere to hang a towel by the showers, which meant that we had to walk naked to and from the showers.

Our gym teachers actually watched us pretty much the whole time that we showered. I don't think that they were doing it in any kind of perverted way? Just that they had to make sure that we were following the rules.
We had to spend at least five minutes in the shower, or we were sent back in to the shower.

Much to my shock, after about the first week, it just became second nature, and I was no longer embarrassed by it.

I do think that a few of the girls were pretty embarrassed by it? But we also had our share of exhibitionist girls too, that loved to walk around nude.

Like I mentioned, the gym that I go to now has a big group shower room. And since I have to workout and then shower before work, it kind of paid off that I got my modesty out of the way back in junior high and high school.


~Jen~ said...

Worst.nightmare.ever...hahaha Ahhh well look at us now...all grown up and not too worse for wear!