May 5 2010

You can always tell when I have been enjoying raisins at work....b/c @ home when my bra comes off at night at least one raisin comes flying out and the cat goes insane thinking it’s cat prey!

Enjoyed another night at the ER Monday...thanks to cheese toast. I have no sworn off cheese entirely...No pizza...no cheese...no deep fry...no ice cream...even as a treat it is not worth the risk....this last attack was not near as bad as the previous and worst one to date but I have no way of knowing until it ends so I wasn’t fucking around and went to the ER early....10 pm (thank you Hot Donna 4 the ride)...was there til 1 am but I finally got the fucking drugs that I wished I coulda got 2.5 hrs earlier...by the time the blood work was all back and a Dr yakked at me (seriously by this point I do not even HEAR what ppl say to me I dunno why they bother talking) the nurse came in with 3 giant needles and I was giddy....I embarrassed myself in a major fashion too – she told me 1 was for my arm and 2 were for my ass...I promptly whipped my pants down with grand eagerness and she said “Ummm not quite yet” hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa GAWD!! In any other state I would have been red with humiliation but I didn’t care...I would have put on a corset and did a lap dance if she asked me to at that point.

Once I was finally jacked up on junk...the mumbling incoherency began....its like the best drunk ever...I cabbed home (hahah nice political banter with the cab driver...im sure I sounded about as intelligent as a bloody wet sweater) and do u think I could stop chatting @ home? Poor Graeme...blah blah blah...nonsensical chatter...I dunno for how long it went on...I couldn’t really sleep b/c Ayla was coughing so in my state of narcotic bliss I had concern for her and got her some meds....even while I was doling out drugs to her I KNEW I was in no shape to be giving anyone medication but....I was too stoned to make that line of thinking go somewhere.

I ended up going on the couch with the TV on to drown out the coughing noise and slept there but it was just a few hours and getting up 4 work at 530 am sucked massive donkey balls...I was still stoned and walking all drunk. I worked til 130 and came home early....slept from 230-600 and then 1030 til 530 this morning....these all nighters are hard on this gramma!

As it turns out the waiting list to get my GB removed will be shorter in Powell River but I don’t think I am desperate enough to go that route...(PR Hospital....not in love with it) – I will be referred to a surgeon soon and see what kinda waiting list time I am looking at...im thinking a year. I could maybe do what Shawn did 4 his hernia and get put on a cancel list so if someone scheduled cancels u can get bumped into that spot if u are able to do it last minute...im not really a last minute unplanned person BUT it may be the way to go!
Yeah so that’s been my week...

A whole whack of jobs just came up in another ministry that I pounced on as they are RIGHT up my alley (adjudication) & permanent positions...FINGERS CROSSED!!!!

Ayla starts her new job tonight...training! Exciting...I hope she ends up getting a lot of hours this summer...I mean A LOT! The more she works the less shit she can get in right? I am having some anxiety about this summer after last summer’s shit show extravaganza.....we will have to have a sit down and discuss expectations ~ (since that’s always worked in the past...::eyeroll:: )

Hoping G gets a gawd damn call from BLACK’s this week...ugh! the job seeking process is long and arduous...lame lame lame...

Mmmmm Titty Raisins

I quite often find things in my bra....popcorn, raisins, nuts, crumbs, etc. It is pretty typical...yesterday i was eating raisins at work and one went down and I couldn’t find it and wasn’t wanting to do a FULL INVESTIGATION since I was at work and its moments like that when a co-worker stealthily walks past your desk and it appears you are GROPING yourself. I thought it may have hit the ground and bounced out of my sight too.....I forgot all about it until about 8 pm last night while sprawled on the couch –I dug for it and THERE SHE WAS!! A salty moist and warm raisin...couldn’t get Graeme to eat it...but we did discuss how I would like to make something with it and give it to someone I don’t like to eat just for the snickering factor.

Watching the 2nd season of “THE IT CROWD” currently and it makes me laughhhhh omfg...I love it. (ADELE A COPY IS COMING FOR YOU!) Graeme also found the US version of the show so that should be interesting to watch and see if it’s even half as funny and clever as the UK version I am in love with. Then I think it will be a Father Ted Marathon...I am due to re-watch Father Ted....

I can’t wait until my kid is a grown up...my gawd I grow weary of the consistent shitty treatment from her...which I know I should not take personally but when you invest every waking moment into someone’s safety and well being it’s a little fucking difficult to detach in such a manner – I do not possess the ability to do that. I just don’t. It’s the get the fuck out of my life and leave me alone I can live my own life and don’t need you hovering being a pain in my fucking ass shit that gets me the most...Ohhh pardon me...you sure fucking manage to PUT UP WITH ME JUST FINE when I am doling out $ for FOOD SAFE and other such needed shit...ohhh yeah then she can treat me like a human being but if there is nothing to be gained – I am a pustule of grossness in her life. It is like being in an abusive marriage I think...to a degree...I am the 1st one to admit I over-think about a lot of shit where she is concerned b/c my own experiences as a teenager/kid are still very close to my emotional surface and I am horrified shit will be repeated inadvertently so I am always so fucking analytical...it annoys me. Ugg. It shall pass as per usual I am sure...until next time and I will post about how fucking pissed off I am again about the exact same gawd damn shit I have little to no control over....

Poor little Sidney is sick sick sick...his birthday yesterday was a bust...he has a terrible barf flu and has been generally unwell...it sounds pretty serious for such a little guy...I don’t think Ayla ever barfed for a week straight b4 THANK GAWD id have lost my gawd damn mind!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CARA TODAY – she is 2...and im sure her mom Connie has some special little wingding planned....and CAKE! Mmmmm cake. I could eat a whole white cake with chocolate icing right now...I COULD!!!!!!!!!! Omfg I could. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm cake...cake is my friend...it is a friend to my mouth but not to my ass.

It is so quiet in here today...ugh. And slow...I was so bored I read through someone’s adoption folder and found it very interesting that the couple make about 20K each per year but they have 300K in the bank, property in India and 4 other accounts that total about 100K – and ZERO debt with a house worth 800K. Ummm HELLO!!!!!!!!!!! How did ya manage that!???!?!?!?! I am in awe of other ppls financial lives...mainly b/c mines so fucking lame and limited I guess...I remember asking ppl as a kid how much money they made and my mom and step dad always scolded me for asking...I didn’t understand what the big deal was then or now really...ppl are so weird about bucking up that info...

Ryan McMahon is here this weekend – WOOHOO - ....will be nice to see him – this will be the 1s time as a dad! Ohh I wonder if Cathleen will come too and bring the baby??? Hmmmmmmmmm I better ask although I am sure she won’t I can dream.

Got a letter and goodies from my Aunt Isobel yesterday...she is the sister of my supposed biological father...I send her pictures of Ayla every year and write a few times a year to keep in touch...she sent Ayla a belated 16th b’day card with 50 bucks in it so that was more than generous considering we have never met before. The letter was full of bad news sadly...lots of death in the Chalmers family in the last few years...a few of my aunts and uncles I never met passed away along with my grandfather I never met...etc...I don’t know any of these ppl so it isn’t particularly emotional at all for me but I do feel a sense of loss in the fact that it’s just adding on to the pile of stuff I will never ever know about that side of the family. When my grandparents died I immediately had 384758937589374 questions for them and knowing that they were gone and never would be able to answer them really impacted me...it was all lost. It is like that when anyone dies, they take a lot of personal insight and info with them and as a person who is a gatherer of sorts I find this most disturbing.

Shawn is off to Cranbrook...exploring a VERY important job opportunity that would take him there for a year or 2 if he decides to do it...while I am happy 4 him I am also mortified...selfishly so. ::pout::

I want lunch...LUNCH!!! I have been wanting lunch for a gawd damn hour already......