Mmmmm Titty Raisins

I quite often find things in my bra....popcorn, raisins, nuts, crumbs, etc. It is pretty typical...yesterday i was eating raisins at work and one went down and I couldn’t find it and wasn’t wanting to do a FULL INVESTIGATION since I was at work and its moments like that when a co-worker stealthily walks past your desk and it appears you are GROPING yourself. I thought it may have hit the ground and bounced out of my sight too.....I forgot all about it until about 8 pm last night while sprawled on the couch –I dug for it and THERE SHE WAS!! A salty moist and warm raisin...couldn’t get Graeme to eat it...but we did discuss how I would like to make something with it and give it to someone I don’t like to eat just for the snickering factor.

Watching the 2nd season of “THE IT CROWD” currently and it makes me laughhhhh omfg...I love it. (ADELE A COPY IS COMING FOR YOU!) Graeme also found the US version of the show so that should be interesting to watch and see if it’s even half as funny and clever as the UK version I am in love with. Then I think it will be a Father Ted Marathon...I am due to re-watch Father Ted....

I can’t wait until my kid is a grown up...my gawd I grow weary of the consistent shitty treatment from her...which I know I should not take personally but when you invest every waking moment into someone’s safety and well being it’s a little fucking difficult to detach in such a manner – I do not possess the ability to do that. I just don’t. It’s the get the fuck out of my life and leave me alone I can live my own life and don’t need you hovering being a pain in my fucking ass shit that gets me the most...Ohhh pardon me...you sure fucking manage to PUT UP WITH ME JUST FINE when I am doling out $ for FOOD SAFE and other such needed shit...ohhh yeah then she can treat me like a human being but if there is nothing to be gained – I am a pustule of grossness in her life. It is like being in an abusive marriage I think...to a degree...I am the 1st one to admit I over-think about a lot of shit where she is concerned b/c my own experiences as a teenager/kid are still very close to my emotional surface and I am horrified shit will be repeated inadvertently so I am always so fucking analytical...it annoys me. Ugg. It shall pass as per usual I am sure...until next time and I will post about how fucking pissed off I am again about the exact same gawd damn shit I have little to no control over....

Poor little Sidney is sick sick sick...his birthday yesterday was a bust...he has a terrible barf flu and has been generally unwell...it sounds pretty serious for such a little guy...I don’t think Ayla ever barfed for a week straight b4 THANK GAWD id have lost my gawd damn mind!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CARA TODAY – she is 2...and im sure her mom Connie has some special little wingding planned....and CAKE! Mmmmm cake. I could eat a whole white cake with chocolate icing right now...I COULD!!!!!!!!!! Omfg I could. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm cake...cake is my friend...it is a friend to my mouth but not to my ass.

It is so quiet in here today...ugh. And slow...I was so bored I read through someone’s adoption folder and found it very interesting that the couple make about 20K each per year but they have 300K in the bank, property in India and 4 other accounts that total about 100K – and ZERO debt with a house worth 800K. Ummm HELLO!!!!!!!!!!! How did ya manage that!???!?!?!?! I am in awe of other ppls financial lives...mainly b/c mines so fucking lame and limited I guess...I remember asking ppl as a kid how much money they made and my mom and step dad always scolded me for asking...I didn’t understand what the big deal was then or now really...ppl are so weird about bucking up that info...

Ryan McMahon is here this weekend – WOOHOO - ....will be nice to see him – this will be the 1s time as a dad! Ohh I wonder if Cathleen will come too and bring the baby??? Hmmmmmmmmm I better ask although I am sure she won’t I can dream.

Got a letter and goodies from my Aunt Isobel yesterday...she is the sister of my supposed biological father...I send her pictures of Ayla every year and write a few times a year to keep in touch...she sent Ayla a belated 16th b’day card with 50 bucks in it so that was more than generous considering we have never met before. The letter was full of bad news sadly...lots of death in the Chalmers family in the last few years...a few of my aunts and uncles I never met passed away along with my grandfather I never met...etc...I don’t know any of these ppl so it isn’t particularly emotional at all for me but I do feel a sense of loss in the fact that it’s just adding on to the pile of stuff I will never ever know about that side of the family. When my grandparents died I immediately had 384758937589374 questions for them and knowing that they were gone and never would be able to answer them really impacted me...it was all lost. It is like that when anyone dies, they take a lot of personal insight and info with them and as a person who is a gatherer of sorts I find this most disturbing.

Shawn is off to Cranbrook...exploring a VERY important job opportunity that would take him there for a year or 2 if he decides to do it...while I am happy 4 him I am also mortified...selfishly so. ::pout::

I want lunch...LUNCH!!! I have been wanting lunch for a gawd damn hour already......