Zippity Doo Dah!

I am happy to report Aunty Cathy for high-speed internet for the 1st time in her life...Fuck you to dial-up forever MUAHAHAHHAHA!! I am pretty happy for her as I know dial-up was the bane of her existence. Having used it recently it is a bloody miracle she was online AT ALL...it is maddening.

FINALLY got the info for A's trip to Cancun...bloody hell they were not very nice about keeping in mind all these kids have to travel from a gawd damn island by ferry or place to get to the Vancouver Airport...Grrrrr. It will entail 2 hotel stays...one the night before they leave (their flight is @ 10:15 am) and one the night they return (they come in at just before midnight ffs...)...I have made a few calls...2 are in a perfect location with free shuttle service and the kids can walk from the bus loop. Pretty ideal all things considered.
I cannot wait for Cancun & Grad to be done...I will feel like I won the damn lottery after that.

So damn cold right now for us wussy west coasters...had to turn the heat up tonight....Brrrrr - I have been enjoying the stormy wind though this week...though it is nothing like the US Midwest has been seeing obviously...that is NOT fun wind.

Not gunna lie...I am sitting back here watching all this corrupt federal election info come out and it is horrifying but somehow satisfying to know that the Conservatives have now been outted as the slippery, low life party that they are. I really really hope some serious shit goes down b/c this truly sounds like corruption that goes on in OTHER places - not Canada.

Been mulling over some stuff lately...whilst mulling over some stuff I had a most interesting conversation with the delightful and always reliable Tracey and during out mulling together she said something that was really useful and made me introspective...I fucking LOVE it when another persons casual observation about my behavior spurs an epiphany in me....and after it seems so OBVIOUS I don't know how I missed it all these years. It is like the time I realized I actually have TERRIBLE coping skills...I seriously thought prior to this little epiphany that I was fantastic at dealing with stress and had all sorts of awesome coping skills based on the fact I have never actually killed anyone (ha!)...once I started breaking it down and seeing how stress affects me and what I do to comfort myself in times of stress it became pretty damn clear I do NOT deal with stress well at all and my coping skills do not serve me well.

It is moments like this that make you really appreciate good friends...reliable, trusted good friends who possess enough depth  and care to bother 'observing' you and are able to share it without it making you feel at all bad about it...the truth is I am a delicate flower...it's true hahah

A's grad pics are lovely...I have sent them all out and even though the total cost was HALF A MONTHS RENT it is what it is and wHATEver! They are loverly and I am looking fwd to the 11x18 shrine portrait of A. that will get put up in my living room haha

ok I am not too tired to type....

Timely Quote of the Day

"True friends stab you in the front”- Oscar Wilde

Hurry Up Already!

Oh sweet Thursday...I am always busy and love it at work...plus it is the day before Friday which is the best work day of the week b/c it’s like Christmas Eve as a kid...the day before sheer awesomeness.
Now that A. has her “N” she is chomping at the bit to get a car...for those of you who do not live in BC the “N” means :
http://www.icbc.com/driver-licensing/getting-licensed/graduated-licensing/novice-stage

Basically you are on probation...you drive on your own but you can only ever have 1 passenger and there are other restrictions...which have saved lives since becoming law. It really is a genius set up...by taking the driving school program A. has 6 mths less of the restriction period (24 mths down to 18 mths)...now if only they would jack the drinking age up to 21...

I should probably be more worried about it but I have already spent 18 yrs tormenting myself she would get hit by a car walking down the street so this new thing isn’t all that worrying...I DO worry about choices she will make of course...having more ppl in the car...drinking...etc. It is impossible not to spazz about that in your head but she is 18 and really...what control do I have unless she is in the room with me...ZERO. All I can do is stress the importance of doing the right thing and cross my damn fingers.

Went and saw gibbled Donna last night with Sarah...oh she is miserable...and rightly so. With her Caribbean cruise in 6 weeks it would be nice for her to heal up well enough so she isn’t a total wheelchair’er on the trip.

So I figured out all my weird earthquake/lava/separation dreams are because I am reading the 5th instalment of the Clan of the Cave Bear book series...the whole series of course has a character named A.yl.a and is about separation and such so...I am sure that is sparking some of that business. I have the 5th to read and then the 6th and I am now fully engrossed back in that world. Having read the 1st four while I was pregnant they have completely ingrained themselves into my mind... hence why A. is named A.Y.L.A.

Still waiting for the damn tour company to email us all the details about A’s trip next month. I bugged them again today and they said they send them out 7-14 days prior to the trip....FUGGGG!! Seriously!! That is friggin lame...ugh. There are a few details to work out with getting to the Airport...meaning if the flight is EARLY she may have to stay in Vancouver over night. This is going to cause me a lot of ANXIETY...b/c if she misses the damn flight due to some weird life thing that happens even to anal retentive and uber prepared ppl like me – I will shit the bed.

THANK YOU BABY JESUS!

A.Y.L.A. GOT HER "N" TODAY!!!!!!

WOOOOHOOOOO!

So proud I could eat my own arm off! Impressive b/c she really has not had much practice comparative to kids with driving parents so her accomplishment is even more impressive to me... :o)

Way to go kid! xo

Gag a Maggot

A. is going for her driving test tomorrow. PRESSURE!! All of u please cross your fingers and send very positive energy her way mainly b/c aside from the 110.00 rape fee to take the test I REALLY do not wanna deal with the fall out of her not passing...the teenage rage and ire...anything but that.

My Monday is gunna be a shit-show. That's all I am saying about that...so I am gunna be sure to enjoy the shit out of today...gunna go hang with the handicap gang (aka Donna and Aunty Shirley and Cousin Cindy) for a bit then the lesbos are coming over for the walking dead later...then I shall prepare for Monday...ugh.

Great show on CBC this weekend...about MANNERS...and how us North Americans have been raised (for the most part) as total narcissists...we are all about what we want now and it's all me me me...and regardless of all the new technology (cell phones etc) the old rules of manners still apply...is it considered rude to ignore the ppl in the room with you? Yes but ppl do it all the time while they fart around on cell phones. Is it rude to be loud and obnoxious in public? Yes...but ppl constantly speak loudly on cell phones on public transit and get pissed off when asked to keep it down b/c they think you are being rude to THEM. FML...the state of the world is so bizarre. Anyway it was good...

OmG - my SPROG goes to Mexico in 4 weeks.... which reminds me  - last night at 1230 am I went into A's room thinking she was asleep to shut her lamp off - and I am sneaking b/c I don't wanna wake her only she wasn't asleep and I ended up scaring the bejeseeesus outta her which made me giggle all the way to my room...I really felt bad actually b/c I actually gave her a friggin heart attack...SORRY KID!

Gutter Trance

Today I arrived at my destination appointment 35 mins early (yeah - I know) so I trotted over to a bus stop and had a seat...across the street was a guy on the roof...replacing gutters...he was removing the old ones...and I sat there mesmerized (Lhasa was playing on my MP3 player) that he was not falling off the damn roof...he was like a squirrel up there...and I just sat there staring...as he worked I realized where the power line to the house was and was waiting for him to toss an old gutter wrong and electrocute himself and the whole house...but like his ninja squirrel skills his gutter toss skills were prime...and nobody was electrocuted to death. His hammering of gutters was also awe inspiring...if it were ME hammering  in the same position with my face so close to the hammer oh you bloody bet I would hammer my gawd damn face...and I waited for him to pop himself in the nose but nope...serious professional! It was then I noticed he was actually quite attractive - that's when I felt like a creepy skulker...but I still sat and watched for a while...It was like watching Bob Ross paint a landscape...so chill and relaxing...

After the Gutter Trance I went to my appt - looks good to go to start volunteering at the local Transition House...I am quite looking fwd to the training and doing something different and useful. Got a new bus pass so now I am not the idiot who tries swiping it 10x before the driver looks at me with disgust and waves me through...wander walked a lot despite the fact my MP3 player and my camera were both victims of dead batteries. The new camera is cool but with it just having 2 batteries I don't think I am getting the battery time I am accustomed to sadly. It will make me have to be really on top of it...ugh!

Donna is managing but incredibly unhappy with her life hahaha Poor woman...she wiped out and fell on it today and feels like the 1st day again...hopefully tomorrow its better.

hahaha beaver-y happy

hahaha beaver-y happy, a photo by jennzebel on Flickr.

Missing Seattle Awesomeness

Right now Michelle and Harrison are at a club seeing Matt Good play an acoustic show on his US tour...while I am MORTIFIED I am not there...I am so very glad they finally get to see him...esp ACOUSTIC b/c that's my gawd damn favorite way to experience him...I look fwd to Michelle's epic long, detailed email about the whole fucking show...details only *I* appreciate...sigh.

don't be fooled by how relaxed she appears

Miss Donna is safe at her home, snuggling in with Aunty Shirley....man...remind me to never break a bone (of my own that is) or require a stay at the hospital...wtf is this 4 ppl to 1 room shit...and CO-ED? SERIOUSLY?! When I am at my fucking worse I do not want some creepy old dude in my general vicinity...and I am pretty sure he doesn't want me around him either...it would be bad enough with 4 females...but mixed genders...fuck that. I am so not on board with that...listening to a 3874783 yr old man moaning and crying that he is dieing for 3 days made it pretty clear to me that he did not belong in that room...he certainly required more care than he was getting and a little fucking dignity would have been nice too...we won't even discuss the bed-shitter in the room...I am still trying to rid myself of the odorous memories of the week.

I felt a little torn leaving Miss Donna last night...I felt like it was my duty to ensure she survives this busted ankle nightmare...but lucky 4 her her futon is too low to the ground and I can't sit or sleep on it comfortably lol I might zip out there Monday if I can for a visit...see how the 2 of em are getting on....hopefully no ones killed anyone by then.

Man - messed up dream last night...family wedding beat downs and then discovering I was pregnant...I woke up in a gawd damn panic and was relieved beyond words the whole thing was not actually happening...I thought about it throughout the day...41 and pregnant...JFC how horrific...eggs are old and surely more corrupt that usual...retard baby for sure...oh wait...never mind I wouldn't care b/c I would be giving it to Jerri to mother...I am so done. I am one giant CONFLICTION.. - yeah I made that word up...wrapping your head around being an 'empty nester' is a mindfuck and a half...part of me pines to be alone and less wrapped up in the sprog's needs, wants and drama...and part of me mourns for all that is soon to be gone...despite so much of it being one struggle after another in some capacity or another their was a ton of good stuff in there...heartwarming to go with all the heartbreaking...I am sure sprog will only focus on the bad shit until she is 40...she will have nice stories for her therapist. She will probably call and ask me to pay half like I get called now to pay for yoga, etc. ha....ha...ha.

I am spending tomorrow at home...tiddling my house...cleaning...turfing...lounging...Sunday it is finally WALKING DEAD DAY!!!! JFC...if I didn't love that show so much I'd cut the channel off and say FUCK YOU AMC FOR MAKING US ALL WAIT 2 MONTHS FOR A NEW EPISODE...this mid-season break shit can suck a dong. Erin n Amanda will likely come over for the grand affair...Monday I have an interview/meeting re: my volunteering @ the Transition House here in town...I hope I can get this gig & get in there and do the training...my brain requires something new...

I just re-read SHE'S COME UNDONE for the 1st time in 15ish years...jfc...I love that book...Dolores Price and I have a lot in common...more on that later. I have hiccups real bad right now.....fugg.

bloody hell!

-donna broke her ankle in 3 places

-had surgery today finally (this happened on sunday)

-i have taken 4 days off this week to be her nurse maid

-its a buncha hurry up & wait hospital crapola

-donna snores really loud whilst high on morphine

-i bought a new camera i really shouldn't have bought but i did anyway

-not gunna lie...im freaked out to look after donna all gibbled...getting her to the toilet and back to the couch is really really stressing me out - maybe she will share her morphine with me

-not driving in these situations sucks the hairiest grossest smelly ass of all time

-im reading SHE'S COME UNDONE again...i haven't read it since 1998 or something..? anyhow...it's is kicking my ass...such a good book

-i need a cup of tea right now

Firemen are nasty

It's true. Look at this email I just got from Kelly the Fireman:

"So I read your blog about your dental experience and coincidentally I had to go to the dentist this past Thursday for a crown. Well, the first part of a crown, which involves grinding the bezeezus out of a tooth and putting a temporary cover on it until the new gold one is made. Yes I had the damn rubber damn and the block to keep my mouth pried open.
Well, apparantly, I snored........."

PS: 2 days is a break right?

I should teach a class called BAD MOM 101

Dismal failure....it is the only way to describe it.

I should have put the kibosh on the whole b’day thing the moment she looked uninterested and too tired to give a shit...sadly my own drive to do what I think is expected of me – which often is completely one sided and deluded – is often a big fat waste of time. Oh well...such is life a week prior to menstruation when I am not anywhere near rational or emotional stable enough to deal with barbed remarks and apathy.

In fact I am in such a mood I am not even going to type anymore and turn this into a big fucking self-hate fest. Gunna take a little internet break I think...see if I can force my lard ass out walking again until i can see a little positivity creep back into my head.

18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18



Holy BIG EYES Batman!

 Yay for my sproglette being the one who exploded from my vagina 18 yrs ago today. HURRAY!!

Sure – she infuriates me on a consistent basis...belittles me...mocks me...scares the ever-loving shit out of me...judges me...swears at me...communicates poorly...laughs at me...never asks to make me a cup of tea...or a meal...leaves a trail of mess everywhere...but I wouldn’t trade her for anything.

Today young A. gets to VOTE....and PAY TAXES! What a perk....vote and pay taxes but can’t legally drink...or buy scratch n win tickets.

Like everything else in life it seems these moments of monumental memory remain just those...memories with no real fireworks aside from the brain explosions I self-induce in my own head. I walk around on days like today in awe that on the day of the birth of my fabulous little human girl child there are still homeless ppl asleep on the sidewalks downtown...and people still wandering around looking unhappy...ON SUCH A DAY AS THIS!



My lovely little arm licker!



What the hell is wrong with people? Don’t they know how this person transformed me and the people around her in ways we cannot even articulate? Don’t they realize the impact of her existence on the universe...? Hmmmf...I will keep it all to myself...revelling in her annoying teenage rage, lack of life experience and her crippling beautiful glow...oh yes I am a fucking poet today aren’t I? How can I help it? When a person’s vagina is obliterated by a force as strong as this - one can’t help but feel poetic and muse about the fantastical little human that has imprinted on me...actually I imprinted on her....I think she is far less attached to me than I am to her...she has always been a secure little free-spirit. She had moments of clinginess which I always enjoyed...and still do occasionally but she really is and always has been her own little force of nature. She will do well in life...

Happy 18th Birthday
A-Y-L-A – J-U-N-I-P-E-R!! xo