Happy Poo Year

Be happy this isn't you at midnight tonight...

COLD!

Colder than a witches tit I am...sitting here listening to the 1st Pat Benatar record...I remember when I got it in grade 5 in Shaunavon, Saskatchewan...I had it and The Baby's. I recall that I fake autographed The Baby's album and tried convincing my evil step-sister Lisa that I met the band and they signed it for me...nice to know I was completely full of shit at the age of 10 too. Back then I had a pile of my mom's old records...a cool compilation set called THE GOLDEN AGE OF BRITISH ROCK...if I ever see that in a thrift store I might faint. I also had her old 45's...Dr Hook's 'Sylvia's Mother' and George Harrison's 'My Sweet Lord' - which to this day is one of my favorite songs. Funny how back then flipping or changing a record was no big deal whereas now I find it incredibly INCONVENIENT. Ohhhh laziness has reached great heights in 2011...fuck - I won't even watch TV is the clicker is lost. Not.even.kidding. I have better shit to do than getting off the couch to change the channel...

I am toying with the idea of cutting cable next month...I considered the land-line but that seems too welfare or something to not have a land-line...know what I mean? I detest talking on my cell phone so I would pretty much drop off the face of the phone planet...I rarely talk on my cell b/c when I do I am anxious about it beaming a brain tumor into my head every second I am on it...it is basically a really expensive CLOCK I carry in my pocket (which I realize if beaming an ovarian tumor into my girl parts)... **for the record I realize I go through these cycles where I cut my cable off or back only to up it again once I am more flush...I am self-aware.

It is my mom's last day at the Red Lion Pub tomorrow night... (YAY!! CHEER! WOOHOO!) I am sure it will be a tough night for her...I suspect she will be all emotional about it but it really is a good move on her part...and not an easy one so I am glad she mustered up the courage to do it! Way to go!

New Years Eve tomorrow night...ugh. Never been my favorite...I will do pretty much what I am doing tonight...records...internet...might make something craft like...I really wanna make some felt things...like little animals...I have no idea why...it seems very unlike me but like with everything about me I am morphing it seems...By morphing I mean turning into an alien...I am fairly certain demetia/alzheimers is in my future...I am doing weird shit...this morning the front doors @ work were locked so I stood holding my swipe pass in front of the DOOR KNOB...like it's fucking magic and would turn the knob for me or something...meanwhile the swipe spot on the opposite end of the door frame...I stood there long enough that I was actually embarrassed someone may be watching me out one of the windows standing there like a retard waiting for the door to open itself. JFC. Sometimes I grab my swipe pass and try to open the front door of my apt. bldg with it too...that's awesome. What else....oh my hair is thinning...and I cannot converse and do a task at the same time...it is just too much...it's like my brain synapses have been damaged in an electrical fire...


I have 4 days off...they are my last little stretch for a while...so I am gunna savor the shit out of them...Starting Jan 9th its a 5 day work week (GASP! THE HORROR!)...it has been quite some time since I had to work 5 days in a row....quite honestly I just want business to pick up b/c the boredom is actually killing me...maybe that's why my brain is dissolving...I don't use it anymore...I don't problem solve for a living anymore...fuck.

no thanks

Had a really shitty dream the other night...the fact that Lars Ulrich from Metallica was groping me was not even the worst of it. I was on Klahanie Drive and something was going on with my grandparents...they were hospitalized but no one was saying why or giving me any info...I called daily and was getting stonewalled so I decided to go online and sleuth around...and noticed that certain profiles of patients has pictures or video so you could see how they were doing...I found my grandpas and there was this little video playing...he was clearly drugged/doped up and chained/shackled to other patients as equally doped up and they were out for a walk on the beach....naturally they were fucking falling down onto the rocks and barnacles, unable to navigate the topography being that they were OLD and DRUGGED...I just completely lost my shit seeing my grandpa treated in such a way – being stripped of his dignity...I flipped the fuck out. I woke up bawling my head off, rattled and disturbed beyond belief....I often have dreams about my grandpa where he is in some sort of grave danger...the last one being that he was attacked and killed by a bear....I don't know why I am relating to him this way in my dream world...he has been gone since 1995 and is frequently on my mind – as well as my granny – they were very important to me and clearly, in death, are maintaining that importance in my head and heart despite their absence.

I might start keeping a dream journal again...see if there is a date pattern....though sometimes years go by between these dreams they are impossible to shake even years later. One thing  this has made me grateful about is the fact both my grandparents went fast...no lingering, no extended hospitalization, no dementia (besides the personal Conklin dementia), no Alzheimer's...that is a rough road to go down with a person you love...when I go I wanna go just like that...FAST, heart just spazzes out and pbbst! Gone...(preferably when I am in bed asleep please) none of the crippled, mentally needy, feebleness that I think robs people of all their dignity at the end of their lives b/c the elderly are not cared for like they deserve. It is appalling to me that families forced into putting their elder family members in care homes are doing so at such a risk sometimes...the horror stories are heart breaking and disgusting...who the hell are some of these assholes in this field that they are not subject to huge accountability and their attitude/actions scrutinized to try and weed out the bad ones? Euthanasia...HELLO! Sign me up...I cannot imagine being old and having some wanna be nurse smacking me or letting me sit in my diaper all morning – sign me up for The Kevorkian Breakfast Special please....

Wow...I am depressing as shit aren't I?

and....

then it was done...I had my xmas shit tore down and disappeared by 6 pm Xmas Day...I am sitting here tonight missing the lights though...love those damn lights.

Xmas Eve was fun - had some fun guests...Ghey-Shawn was in from Kelowna...Alex & Kelsey...Amanda & Erin (aka Lesbos of Doom), Hot Donna, A. & Nimmer....good times. Tonnes of food was eaten...was ridiculous actually...everyone pretty much grazed all night and rolled outta here half dead...The Xmas Bloat was upon us all.

I didn't even drink and woke up xmas morning feeling like a sack of garbage...oh that's fun...xmas morning was low key...I slept in til 9...Ayla til 10:30...no rushing, no fuss...Ayla liked all her loot...she raked in 300.00 bones twds her future car so she is up to 725.00 now and rather impressed with herself.

A-Sprog did torture me with 6+ hours of Beverley Hills 90210 (yes the 90's version) ALL XMAS DAY...admittedly it was amusing at 1st...then it WAS NOT.

Self-Cruelty Mission

Tonight Lisa and I are going shopping late...we will pick up Ayla when she is off work at 9:30 and begin the Self-Cruelty Mission: Shopping on Dec 23rd.

I have NEVER needed to shop this close to baby Jesus's fake birthday...ever. I am generally organized and broke 'done' long before things get commercially insane. This year was different. Not only was I not ready - I was not even remotely prepared to get ready. I put Ayla on notice that it was gunna be a chill xmas - with the Cancun trip coming up and all...so it wasn't like I had tonnes to do or anything thankfully. Tonight I am just grocery shopping...Xmas Eve is party night at Jenny Jen's...got a lovely little crowd coming over: Ghey-Shawn (in from Kelowna), Alexandra & Kelsey, Amanda & Erin: the lesbos of doom and Hot Donna...Ayla and I quite enjoy having ppl over xmas eve so this year will be a hoot...it will kick ass on last year that's for damn sure. Moving on...Xmas Eve is gunna be a VINYL EXTRAVAGANZA...we got a buncha old records (Johnny Cash, Crystal Gayle etc) and Alex has located her old Eddie Rabbitt record and...well...it'll be a 70's musical night of baby Jesusness! The photo essay I post after should be quite entertaining.

I am missing some peeps this year...kinda wishing I had some family around me: The Alberta Crew & the Powell River Crew - along with friends I never see enough of (G&D, AB, CG, DM, JF, M&K, etc)...that's what this time of year is all about for me...my peeps. Ok...and the lights...and the baby Jesus collection...and the anti-christmasness I project while embracing certain traditions...which confuses ppl.

Tomorrow is all about getting the house presentable and prepping the goodies and food...that is if I survive shopping. I am sure you can imagine the vivid and wild way I imagine bashing and crushing ppl with my cart. Oh speaking of store weirdness...I am in the drug store this morning and this old, East Indian lady comes up to me with a giant package of bladder control pads and in very broken English asks me if these are good ones...I looked around b/c I was SURE someone was fucking with me...Candid Camera moment all the way....but nope...it was a legit human interaction...so I am trying to tell her I don't actually know if they are good and she of course doesn't understand me - just looks at me eagerly awaiting my advice...Don't get me wrong - I am a gawd damn pro at menstrual products...but I dunno if bladder control ones are the same...so I just ASSUMED they were since she want gunna leave me alone (she did drag me away from the hairspray after all)...so I pointed out that those ones were SHORT rather than the long ones...so I found her the long ones which were on sale and told her they were THE BEST. She was so damn happy...I was still looking around thinking ppl were fucking with me....it was too weird...but such as life is...no camera crew jumped out and offered me a 100.00 gift certificate for not telling the lady to fuck the hell off. So yeah - if you ever start peeing your pants...call me - I will hook you up. 1-800-PEE-4JEN

Listening to this old 70's country music (Dolly Parton, Crystal Gayle, Eddie Rabbit, Tammy Wynette, Loretta Lynn etc) in 2011 is really weird...what a depressing buncha shit...it's always about being cheated on or drinking...mind you I guess that was the 70's for a lot of people...I downloaded some Carpenters and while listening to a few songs I recall as a kid...I was struck with the sadness of Karen Carpenter's mental illness and death via anorexia...the concept of starving ones self to death is bloody bizarre to me...I have the opposite affliction after all...but I am not deluded into thinking I am too skinny and MUST eat to gain weight...see that's the fuckery of anorexia...they look all Auschwitz-y and truly frightening and cannot see it. Mental illness is so truly fucked up.
It is getting close to the time when I have to start getting dressed...which is weird b/c it's usually the time I am getting ready for bed...ha! I am so wild and crazy. Look out world...The Conklin is coming down your aisle with a cart!

For all the lost boys...recent and beyond

Carry by Tori Amos

Love, hold my hand
Help me see with the dawn
That those that have left
Are not gone
But they carry on
As stars looking down
As nature's sons
And daughters of the heavens
You will not ever be forgotten by me
In the procession of the mighty stars
Your name is sung and tattooed now on my heart
Here I will carry, carry, carry you
Forever

You have touched my life
So that now
Cathedrals of sound are singing, are singing
The waves have come to walk with you
To where you will live in the land of you,
Land of you

You will not ever be forgotten by me
In the procession of the mighty stars
Your name is sung and tattooed now on my heart
Here I will carry, carry, carry you
Here I will carry, carry, carry you
Forever.

Renewed Love Affair

Yes I am having a renewed love affair with violins & cello...far more reliable than a human...a violin won't bootleg for your underage daughter and a cello won't be so passive as to let a relationship slide into a mud bog to avoid it's own fear...Ohhh yes...seeing that quartet at Tori Amos has blown on the embers of my cello/violin love...Not gunna lie - I really like some of my favorite music redone by cellos and violin (Apocalyptica does amazing Metallica covers) but for the most part I listen to whatever...I have no idea what I am listening to most of the time and don't really care...

Crapmas is nearly here...things are nice at my house...Ayla has been fantastic since I got back from Vancouver (knock on wood) and we are getting along really well...chatting up a storm...
Turns out she needed glasses after her eye appt last week and man does she look cute in them...thank gawd there was a 50% off sale...so with my reimbursement  and the sale she got 800.00 glasses for 150.00...not too shabby. She is unsure of them, new glasses and all but once she's used to them she will be fine...she doesn't need to wear them all day (neither do I), just for distance...not sure if she will wear them all the time like I do....not likely.

I feel as though I have the hips of a 124 yr old woman today...looking fwd to some post xmas focus on proper eating...such a fucking cliche...that's me. I own it....whatever - suck my dick.

Back to work tomorrow...I have had a good stretch off....time to get a little routine going again and really...I work for 4 - get 4 off - work 3 - get 4 off....I feel like the queen of sheba ffs...
Puscifer is in Vancouver in March...I am NOT allowing myself to go....and that is FINAL! {foot stomp} See how I just bossed myself around there...gotta do it sometimes...

Renos have started in the apt below us....finally (sat empty a year) - it is AWESOME right now...no one lives above or below us...so I am taking full advantage of being able to play my music at a pleasingly loud level without pissing anyone off or being rude. It will enable me to have ppl over Xmas Eve too and not worry about noise. I am really looking forward to to this shindig...all my bestest fun peeps are coming...sadly Lisa has family obligations so she will be missing :o( but a good time shall be had - I am sure of it...I am setting up an 'art' project for the guests and some lucky attendee will take home the result of it...ahahaha Oh gawd...I will be sober of course (as to not repeat the stupidity of last yrs most retarded xmas EVER) and glad for it.

I have ordered this documentary about the effects of fatherlessness...

Not a new concept by any means...but complex and epidemic...affecting both sons and daughters in negative ways and perpetuating the cycle of the problem....looking fwd to seeing it...I am kind of a sucker for sad stories so this will be interesting for me despite the fact - like many ppl - I have my own story x2 on this topic.

Dec 8 2011 Winter Grad Dinner

Dec 8 2011 Winter Grad Dinner 025, a photo by jennzebel on Flickr.

Ohhh my little girl looked sooooo lovely for her winter grad dinner....thanks to Alex for the great hair!

Flea goes to the Jesus store...

Dec 10-13 2011 008, a photo by jennzebel on Flickr.

I drag these 2 into the Jesus store and Flea looked a little frightened....then again he usually looks frightened or worried about something.

The Bathroom Door

Dec 10-13 2011 032, a photo by jennzebel on Flickr.

Seriously............her landlord is such a friggin asshole.

Dec 10-13 2011 043

Dec 10-13 2011 043, a photo by jennzebel on Flickr.

A gift from Taylor that Tere found a few mths after he died...out in her backyard, written on the house.... :|

Flea....

Dec 10-13 2011 044, a photo by jennzebel on Flickr.

hahahahahaha omg so ridiculously cute

Dec 2011

Dec 10-13 2011 076, a photo by jennzebel on Flickr.

Jericho Beach bunnies EVERYWHERE! They even tried crawling up my leg for carrots...so cute.

Dec 12 2011

Dec 10-13 2011 095, a photo by jennzebel on Flickr.

Vancouver from Jericho Beach

Dec 13 2011

Dec 10-13 2011 168, a photo by jennzebel on Flickr.

Deanna & a weiner ahahhahaa

Dec 10-13 2011

Dec 10-13 2011 171, a photo by jennzebel on Flickr.

coolest hat ever??

Dec 13 2011

Dec 10-13 2011 181, a photo by jennzebel on Flickr.

Horrible opening act...not gunna lie but her show with the these guys:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAOBQJ7m5iA
omg.....soooo fabulous!!

Dec 13 2011

Dec 10-13 2011 184, a photo by jennzebel on Flickr.

The grand Orpheum...truly the most beautiful theatre I have ever been in.

busy busy busy

Been a whirlwind of activity in Jen's world lately....

I hit the road (I am such a divine traveler) and went to Vancouver last Saturday...I spent 3 days with Tere which I had some anxiety about. I knew her house would be full of Taylor's things and pictures and also...Tere is obviously the walking wounded...I wasn't sure what was going to transpire...It was comforting to be surrounded by Taylor...and hear stories about him all weekend...it truly was. Against my better judgement I let Tere take me to his apartment where he died, outside - to see the memorial left there...it popped a cork I was not able to re-cork...after that I couldn't even look at his pictures without losing my shit...it is absolutely terrifying to be sitting across from a person who at that very moment is living your absolute worst nightmare, paralleling your life circumstances (single parent, an only child)...it is heartbreaking and the scariest shit I have ever seen...
In between my mindfuckery...we played scrabble...we watched terrible tv, talked, walked, fed bunnies at Jericho Beach, visited her sister, thrift stored and went to Bingo.

BINGO! That was funny...neither of us have played in about 1000 yrs so it was like walking into a whorehouse a virgin...ppl with this giant jade elephants beside them 4 good luck...playing 38745983758 cards while we struggled to keep up with the minimum of 3. hahaha We didn't win shit all (I blame the mumbling Asian bingo caller) but man we had FUN...sounds weird but it was really fun with Tere. Sounds like a new ritual to me!

Feeding the bunnies was a hoot...so many...and they are so tame. Tere's chihuahua 'Flea' is really entertaining and was a constant source of amusement for me...cutest & most neurotic dog I have ever met...

Tuesday I met up with Deanna and we had a fantastic day on Granville Street and downtown Vancouver...walking, eating and shopping until it was time to go to Tori Amos @ the Orpheum...turns out I had never been inside the Orpheum (I guess I was mixing it up with the Vogue Theatre)...once you see the Orpheum you don't forget it b/c it is truly beautiful....it makes the Royal Theatre here in Victoria look welfare...
I scored some kick ass records on my travels...the gem being my 1st record ever in grade 5 when I lived in Shaunavon, SK.......Pat Benatar's IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT....which I still love...this was a big deal...moving up from 8 Tracks to vinyl....that little plastic, red Melody Maker record played I got for xmas the year before was THE best gift I have ever been given in all my life...the solace and joy that thing gave me until I was 18 and graduated to a real stereo (thanks Pam!) is indescribable....which is why I am enjoying finding all these old records...

Xmas Eve...Sprog and I are having ppl over...Donna, Amanda, Erin, Alex and Kelsey....for food and old record playing! I have scored some gooders so far...Johnny Cash, Crystal Gayle...an old 80's K-Tel  CHART ATTACK record (hahaha) - and lots of 80's stuff (The GoGo's, etc) - it is gunna be a hoot.

Ayla did ok in my absence...she was sick most of the time and when I got home she seemed really happy to see me...exclaiming that it is hard to keep a house clean when you cook every day (no kidding!) but I was glad she did what I told her and cleaned as she went rather than leaving it all til the day I come home and shitting bricks trying to get the pig sty in order...I think she missed me a little...she has been really nice all week. haha

Eye Dr appt yesterday...ugh - Sprog-Grrl needs glasses so we went and got her a pair that will be ready next week (it was a 50% off sale so it was kinda perfect....)...I wanted to get her a pair from a store 1st like I did....then any other glasses after are coming from Zenni Optical for 30 bucks a pair or less...with this pair she will know what size works for her exactly so ordering is a lot easier...I am a little miffed the eye Dr doesn't give out your PD anymore without a 25.00 fee...assholes. Then Lenscrafters tries to tell you the PD they are giving you can't be used to order online b/c it is different with each pair of glasses.......I really cannot stand the whole money grubbing process...it makes me so irritated when ppl are trying to sell me something...or feeding me bullshit...the only comfort I got out of it was A. got a really nice pair of 800.00 glasses for 400.00...I get 250 back so that's better than a kick in the vag for sure.

Was Tracey's b'day yesterday so we hit a movie then shopped and hung out...was good despite my migraine that would not die yesterday...by about 7 pm it was finally gone but I was dead...I fell asleep before 10 pm and slept 8 hours which is rather odd for me.
Was nice to spend the day with Tracey though... :o)

Today I am cleaning my house...Prince is in town tonight...hope Alex feels a little better and can go and enjoy it for a few hours...she is in the middle of a shitty flu @ the moment....not good...
I am done with concerts for a while...this years been nuts...Sam Roberts, Matt Good, Liam Finn, Tori Amos...just in the mast 3 mths....ffs - I am not rich enough for that shit...time for a good healthy break...get Ayla ready for Cancun and grad...and I can get used to my new life without child tax credit. ARGG!!! Rude.

I have a butt load to say

Just gotta get in the groove and find some time to say it all....get ready.

Adios....

Off to Vancouver tomorrow on the 11 am ferry..........no internet access until I get home on the 14th. Enjoy the silence....and in case you get bored:

Riddance of Goodness

I want to rant about some asshole I used to know but I feel like the effort to type it out would expel more energy than the useless asshole is worth so I am not. {I feel better already}

Tomorrow is our office 'xmas' luncheon...I have convinced the ladies to order chinese food in and watch The Muppets Christmas Carol on the little tv/vcr I am bringing in to work.

Adele mailed me her Motley Crue records (1st 3, the best 3!) this week...HOW COOL...!!! It is trippy hearing MC on the ol turntable...I parted with mine about 10 yrs ago so it was kind of like being reunited with a good, old friend....Thank you Ms Adele of Awesomeness...lovely gesture!
I am enjoying the Johnny Cash record I got for a buck a while ago too...Even though when Yoko Ono...errr I mean June Carter sings with him it makes me kinda sad that she wasn't very good hahaha
When Adrienne and Tracey were over fora peanut reindeer making night it was fun to watch Adrienne groove to the record...you can tell her folks listened to him a lot when she was a kid...Ohhhh EPIPHANY: Another great JC = Johnny Cash! (and Jen Conklin, and Jesus Christ...etc but not June Carter...)

Work is really busy this week...so it will go by fast...I leave for Vancouver on Saturday...I will be at Tere's til Tuesday...then its Tori Amos with Deanna...

More later...