Friday Night Dance Party at My Desk...

Love coming home to a postcard from my sprog...

She has always had interesting names for me...she has been calling me Madre for many years now...when she was little she took to calling me Jennifer for about a year. She was 3 or 4 I think. It really bothered some people - that she did not call me mom but I thought it was rather amusing.
Much like the time she named her 1st cat....Milo Haricot Conklin. Like wtf...? ha ha ha So awesome...Haricot being french for Bean or something...friggin genius...that kid had the best mind.

I would really love it if I could get these wireless headphones to friggin work...they work great with the wire....but for some reason I have a technology mental block when it comes to anything to do with my TV and setting these assholes up to the TV is not the success I hoped...I want to watch TV loud if I want to dammit. In the meantime they are plugged into my PC speakers and I am digging the non-ear bud sound...listening to Jeff Buckley...wishing he did not drown so the world could have seen what he would have done with his talent.

After dragging a bunch of stuff out of the basement storage locker I came across some old letters...ones from when Kim was a kid - she found it most humorous to read them and re-experience her teenage brain. I found it funny she would write and ask me for advice about boys. I am about the last person anyone should ask about boys...then and now. ha!

Came across old pen pal letters from about 15 years ago...some I tossed but a few I kept...Dave Wurfel was my favorite...wonder what ever happened to him in life? He was really smart and funny...knew how to write a good letter and tell a story with flare and wit...I am looking for him...I think I tracked him down, teaching in California...would love to know what he is up to. Another one, Aaron Marland...he was this kid from the UK...I am tracking him down too...he was a good shit...I have looked for him online in the past but...I fear he is too cool for FB and the like...
Some of the other letters were just atrocities of the English language...one in particular made me chuckle...one guy wrote "once in a why'll"  - HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA that is awesomely terrible.

Speaking of terrible things...
A plane crashed into the sea on its way to Malaysia....no survivors...Miss A leaves for Malaysia in 2 days...thank a fat baby Jesus that news report was noticed by me today b/c if I noticed it in 2 days I probably would have  completely lost my shit and had a nervous breakdown.

Oh and...holy assholes...Kori is home 1 day and some assholes sneak into their house last night and steal their TV, laptop, Mary's wallet/all their ID etc...like....JESUS! Seriously...? ::shakes head:: Life is like a box of dick chocolates...you think it will be good but it usually isn't. That's my weird philosophical outlook for the day.

I bought a vanity today. I have always wanted one of these...always. Love the style and this looks to be in great shape...can't wait to move and get things all tiddled up!

All they want is absolute control, no ifs or buts, just your body, your soul...

So...I finally bought some wireless headphones (nothing fancy)...naturally, I am too inept to get them configured to work so I can watch TV with them on...BUT one perk is they come with a wire so you can use them as plug in headphones as well and let me tell you they sound divine plugged into my computer speakers...fml...now I am curious what a 200.00 pair sound like...!!!
I will get them working for the TV tomorrow...I am too tired and cross-eyed tonight to even read the damn instructions properly. In the meantime...it is music time!

My house is a wreck. I blame Dexter Morgan. I am chatting with Miss A right now...so funny. She is the worst chat communicator. I never know wtf she is saying half the time with that young kid text slang...she is still waffling about the elephants...nice park or not she says she would be just as happy to feed an elephant a banana than ride one...I told her to stick to her guns then b/c once you do it you can't go back and you are just a shitty tourist like the rest afterwards ha!

The Ginger Beard Syndrome: I saw it in action today...you know dudes with brown hair but their beards grow in ginger...love it...so I see one today at the bus stop...sneak a snapchat picture...save it and send it with some stupid nonsensical commentary...then I look at it later and JFC...dude had a ginger beard alright...but he also had
on flood pants and 2 different color socks and ugly ass shoes. BLINDED BY THE GINGER BEARD...dangerous.

Ryan McMahon House Concert: Was very good...Kim's basement had good vibe...small crowd made it pleasantly intimate...he sounded good as per usual and it was nice having newbs on the scene (Doris from work with her friend, Esther and Kate plus Kelly and Mel came from PR)...Ryan made some solid fans that night. When he told the story about Megan McNeil and sang Wake Up it was a real tearjerker...

Home

Home from the 2 day whirlwind visit to Powell River. Enjoyed seeing everyone and getting to hang with Riley on his 1st birthday...pretty cute. 

Maggie and I went hard the night before making pirate/boat cake pops and all sorts of treats - labor intensive and delicious = cake pops. haha

Went and had a nice visit with Mike as well...very weird being in that house with Deanna gone. It looks exactly the same. Her things still everywhere. Cannot imagine what it is like for him day in and day out. The one year anniversary of her death approaches...not easy for him, her folks, her daughter, sister or niece. A gift I gave her 13 years ago has made it's way back to me...my brother had a Lilith Fair poster signed by Sarah McLachlan that I brought home with me after his passing in Oct 2000...I had Uncle Jim frame it pretty and gave it to her for xmas that year. She loved Sarah McLachlan and was very fond of my brother so it seemed a fitting gift for such a great friend. Very bitter sweet getting it back...Mike really wanted me to take something of hers with me - as you can imagine it is a bit awkward, not wanting to rifle through someones things but this was something he was insistent about...and a piece of her Cranberry Pottery...really nice of him honestly, all awkwardness aside...I will display both and find them heartwarming to see each day.

A's travel drama as blown over - hoping that is the end of that business. They visited waterfalls and elephants today...sounds like a lovely place (Koh Samui) with lots to do. Weird that her birthday was almost over where she was by the time it was her birthday here...

I have settled down a bit...going to PR was a good distraction though...there is nothing louder than the roar of silence that rushes your ears when you walk into your house and your only child has vacated the nest. I find that to be really strange and I am not sure I will get used to that.

I now have zero fingernails...sigh...

Great road trip with Sarah to PR...have told her that anytime she is going to please contact me if she wants a travel buddy...much easier getting to and from in a car. Maggie's new place is quite nice...lovely view and good location. Glad to have finally seen it. Did not have time for a fancy bath in the tub but next time for sure!

Back to work tomorrow...should be a nice little nightmare of ppl frantic for lickitysplit service b/c they are in a mad rush.

Today I think I will tidy up, make a stew to eat all week...yeah.

Bangkok Mall Sushi

Trying to get used to my empty house...was thinking about it today...why I am so emotional about this and aside from raging PMS I think it is b/c this trip has no end date so it feels different...real. Real empty nest...permanent...not down the street...it is weird to not think about what she needs...what I should get her for groceries...what I can pick her up at the drug store - that is 20 years of conditioning to try and stifle.

It is terrible to come home knowing she is not here too...it is always dark...I did not see this coming...I have always enjoyed alone time, being solo...but this feels like less of a treat. I will be fine of course. I just need to get used to it and I am pretty adaptable for a neurotic being. There are personal positives of course but man oh man...I am missing her. I look fwd to not falling apart every time I unlock my fucking door...

I found a mini-liquor cabinet in A's room and I am gunna drink all the Kahlua...yeah I am THAT hardcore that I enjoy a brown cow just like my mom does..ha!

Was happy to hear from A. today...they got up and hit the mall in Bangkok for sushi...haha They fly out to Ko Samui tomorrow...At some point I will relax a bit and stop thinking about her every move...right? Right?

I must go pack for Powell River - leaving tomorrow...and make sure all my stuff is done b/c I am leaving from work with Sarah for a mini road trip.

A series...

I am going to do a series of posts that reflect the all the positive attributes of certain ppl I give a shit about...you know...dedicate a post to one person and just say why I think they are great. I thought that would be really positive and you know I am trying to be more positive this year. I am positive being positive will be positive although positively difficult at least 1 week of the month.

There will be no rhyme or reason to who I write about...it will be strictly on a whim and completely spontaneous...gotta be in the zone for such writing.

Today was shitty headache day though I did make a tasty meal for me and the kidlet...Mary should be here soon after a longgggg day at the hospital with Kori...I took him dinner the other night and also to check out his new digs. He is on the rehab floor now and wow - what a change in vibe. The 6th floor neuroscience nurses were really, really friendly and nice, warm even...rehab nurses - not so much. Quite cold actually, felt the chill the moment I walked in there. It was later verified after seeming some interactions. Different vibe on the ward as well - I mean you have 20 ppl there who are brain damaged in some way, most have mobility issues too so it is a sad sight indeed, many sad stories. Car accidents, a teen hit by a drunk driver, strokes, other random head injuries...It was very apparent to me after Kori introduced a few that he fared EXTREMELY well as far as brain damage goes...while he is not going to be without long lasting effects he maintained his speech, personality etc and that is huge. Physically, he has a ways to go but he is making great progress, took a few steps unassisted even...this is so good to hear...I love it.

Going to have a mini birthday for A. before she leaves this month since she will be gone for her birthday. 20 years old...she exclaimed proudly last night that she was never going to be a stupid teen mom hahahha I had to laugh - she has maintained all along that she was NEVER going to be a teen mom ever...so she feels like a total victor! I sure will miss her sense of humor.

I can see why she wants to go to Thailand.

She has way too much time on her hands right now...she is over thinking the trip...worried about the Bangkok election protests and violence that is happening already. The election is Feb 2...poor planning on their part for not looking into that ahead of time...lesson learned. They will likely leave Bangkok soon after arriving and visit it later once things are a bit more settled post-election. We talked with Joel last night at Tracey's - he is from Thailand, he had a lot of good advice and info to share about places to see and avoid, etc. So nice to spend time with Tracey, Adrienne, Joel and Ashley...Seeing Ashley all grown up (she used to babysit A. - so cute) and watching the pleasant dynamic between the 4 of them...it is really nice. I look fwd to Ash moving back to Victoria once her and Joel decide to have babies etc.

Bomb.Dropped

Miss A dropped her impending doom bomb on me last night...end of January - Thailand/Vietnam/Laos/Indonesia/Australia...FML. I cannot articulate the massive amount of conflict I feel about her adventurous soul...mainly b/c I raised her dropping these little eggs of ideas into her brain that travel and experiencing other places was the ultimate learning...how did I know I would be mentally ill about it later? Seriously...there is NO support group online or otherwise for parents of traveling adult children, trust me, I looked...which leads me to the obvious conclusion that I am completely irrational...which I already knew b/c I am pretty self aware. Fun times....The conflict in it all is that I LOVE all these adventures she's gone on. The things she has done and experienced while it is practical to do so...yet irrationality kicks in and I obsess about 'the phone call'...getting a bad news phone call has become by focal point. I spent the 2 months A. was in Ecuador/Peru in a fog...refusing to let myself think, sleeping with the TV on, never letting my mind wander, on high effing alert whenever my damn cell phone alerted me of a Facebook message (our means of communication)...it was a rough 2 months...ha ha ha Meanwhile, the rational part of me was in awe of her willingness to try anything, go anywhere and and experience the world.

I was not of the mindset to do such things, even at her age...I have one of those brains that wants to know things, learns things, experience things but always lacked the confidence at her age to think beyond the right now moment trying to survive and afford the next concert coming to town. This was much to do with the philosophies we were immersed in while growing up...I never had conversations with my grandparents/parents/caregivers of the moment about the option of post secondary education, travel or anything of the like...it really does make a difference in how people are shaped...add in that I am not terribly adventurous at all and really rely upon the security and safety I provide for myself and well...you have a person that admires many things from afar. If I was in A's position (a safe place to live, land and the support and means to do whatever I wanted) things might have been different - who knows...it matters little now...for now I must curb my propensity to obsess about worst case scenarios and be logical about this trip...way more ppl go traveling and come home fine than ppl who do not so...focus on the odds.....focus Conklin...focus.

Ugh. I think A. watched my soul drain from my being with her news...I talked myself out of an anxiety attack when she left the room...I feel bad that I cannot fake 100% happiness over this plan of hers but...I will keep working on it. It is exciting and these places will be amazing and fantastic. I will likely become very social while she is gone as a distraction...which is SO weird. Ugh. I still have 1 had of un-bitten fingernails...my condolences to the other hand.

Anyhow...aside from that ass kicking news...not much else to report...

After watching BLADE for the 1st time ever this weekend I can see very clearly that True Blood ripped that movie off a fair bit...I guess most vampire shows are all kind of the same damn thing these days...the genre is not unique really.
I have been advised to avoid the sequels but I am not sure I will...