KELLY the FIREMAN

Hello,

Thank you for your message.

The approximate fee for a lower blepharoplasty is $3440.00+GST.

more bad noses....

Tori Spellings tits freak me out....fake boobies seemingly go WRONG very frequently....
totally NOT worth it in my opinion....

Teri Hatcher...hate the new nose....

Lil' Kim - UGH!!! Liked her old face way better!

This one saddens me the most b/c I love Liam Neeson and his nose and eye job queers me out!

Truth is no matter what LaToya did to her face she is still a freak.

Jennifer Grey's nose job makes her look like a different person entirely so it doesn't offend me...but honestly her old knows is what set her apart from other actors and now she looks all common and boring.

Kenny Rogers is a bad Gambler.

She reminds me of the muppet with the giant lips now....

Carrot Top scares me.

Bruce Jenner - shameful nose!

This is just fucked b/c Peter Burns was so hot....now he is messed!

Yikes Ed McMahon!!!!

70's Hair Goddess

that is EXACTLY the hair ive wanted my whole life and could never
have ....thank you Farrah for all the failure in my life....

I am completely grossed out by nose jobs....if i had never seen you ever before then whatever I wont know the difference, I will just think u have a crooked nose but GAWD...what goes through the minds off ppl so willing risk their life in order to "improve" themselves only to make themselves looked FUCKED UP?

Projectile titties is another issue all together....her titties are not a victim of gravity and they bloody well should be....

She had a good nose....WHY FARRAH WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The contrast saddens me.

hmmmmfff

you are welcome for the farting info....

INGRATES.

le fart

Did you know?

On the average, a healthy person farts 16 times a day.

Everyone farts, including girls. In fact, females fart just as much as males.

Many animals fart too. Cats, dogs, and cows. Elephants fart the most.

People fart the most in their sleep.

Farts that contain a large amount of methane & hydrogen can be flammable.

A fart is a combination of gases (nitrogen, carbon dioxide, oxygen, methane, and hydrogen sulfide) that travels from a person's stomach to their anus. When a person swallows too much air or eats foods that the human digestive system cannot digest easily gas becomes trapped in his/her stomach. The only way for this excess gas to exit the body is through the anus.

The gas that makes your farts stink is the hydrogen sulfide gas. This gas contains sulfur which causes farts to have a smelly odor. The more sulfur rich your diet, the more your farts will stink. Some foods that cause really smelly farts include: beans, cabbage, cheese, soda, and eggs.

eyeroll

as if...they actually made a show like the Bachelor for fat ppl.

i don't make this shit up folks, its called "more than love" rather than the bachelor but the premise is the same....
guess they found a regular guy not repulsed and revolted by fat chicks....made him all tv-pretty to be the "bachelor", the non-picky bachelor that is...and have a slew of fat gals clamoring to be the one he picks.

oh how i loathe the world.

im embarrassed to be human.

anyhow...
my mouth is experiencing a dull ache...nothing fatal....a few days ill be good as new...ok good as old.

more later...must nap

dead

my face is dead...oi!

2 hrs in the dentist chair...4 fillings...dental dams...clamps...spreaders & separators...wedges...fuck...
didn't get enough freezing so the drilling on the right side was causing me great stress but not enough for me to stop her and ask for another needle b/c they are so gross....
the the left side...holymotherofgawd I made it about .033 seconds of drilling before i was flailing like a nutjob asking for more freezing...

- this was the moment my spirit left my body -

...anyway finished the whole experience with the dentists latex glove covered in blood...WTF is that? I have never had that happen b4...it was all those damn clamps and spreaders...jesus....im gunna floss all the fucking time now to avoid needing a filling between 2 teeth again...im gunna carry floss in my bag and have floss at the computer....gawd damn...I think I need a hug. Ok just kidding.

Today was not a total waste...met up with Kelly McRockstar for Noodle Box deliciousness, a good chat & a copy of his old bands cd...only managed to wear my lunch about 5x...

Jen + Chopsticks + Noodle Box = boobs covered in spicy peanut delight.

Yes I know that sounds slightly dirty.

Ok...my mouth hurts...im going to bed.

adoration

Was a fantastic movie...TRAILER HERE
I love it when Canadian movies aren't sucky...

And I saw Away We Go today...was funny...could wait to be rented though...

Have started a new Douglas Coupland book ~Elenor Rigby~ so far so good...I think he may be a favorite of mine...if I read a 3rd I like then I will dedicate myself to reading all his books...
I should write a book...I mean there are plenty of writers out there writing in a style in which I identify with so what's so far fetched about my grindy, in your face style appealing to a portion of the population...? IVE HEARD OF WEIRDER SHIT.
I have often pondered the idea of writing a book...whether it would be fiction or just stories of things that have gone on...or a mixture of both...or whatever really...I dunno.

Believe it or not...I have a lot f shit to say and don't really care who is interested in it or not (hence this blog haha)...things I never say out loud but they scream to be heard...things like...my earliest memory...I must have been 3ish...I know it is genuine and not fabricated by my mind from photographs...I am laying as a small child on my grandmothers bed and looking at her tick clock ticking away, the smell of Absorbine Jr heavy in the air, the Absorbine Jr bottle right beside the tick tock clock...I can still hear the clock...and smell the odors of that moment...

I like to think I have the same bottle in my possession (but it may not be, that would make it 40 yrs old)...I nabbed a very old glass bottle of Absorbine Jr out of my grandparents medicine cabinet before they died a billion years ago....it looks antique...there's still a little bit left in it...and every so often I get it out to open and inhale...and it takes me back to that comfortable place...
before my mother married a myriad of men who were not all that fond of me...before my own mind took a turn...before the agonizing weight of true loss settled on my shoulders...
To this day I love the smell of it...
When I was little my grandmother was my be all end all...I loved her so intensely I didn't know what to do with it all when she visited us...I lived with her and my Grandfather (my mom and Aunty Cathy and Aunty Pam as well) until I was around 3...after that whenever my Grandparents came to visit I was OVER THE MOON that my "Nanny" was there...she had a very lovely side to her then...I never forgot how she made me feel as a little kid...even when she was old and mean and nasty to all of us later in her life...I think that carried a lot of us through her elder years...

swoon.....

Running For Home

they beam things into your head
the ghosts of your pleasure and contempt
when we were liars things were seamless
when we were wired the world was like a secret
i close my eyes now and I scream
i turn the light on and there's nothing left redeeming
i saw your face before it changed
the gun it makes you look nicer in a bad way

so low for how high?
it's too late tonight
and i'm sure you're right
as low for how high

and after this there's just the circus
and every morning you carnie heart stops working
it gets tight in there sometimes
looking for those defects, talking like it's a reflex
i close my mouth now and i scream
i open the door and there's nothing left redeeming
i saw your face before in rough
you should wait around awhile cause your body's bound to turn up

so low for how high?
well it's too late tonight
and i'm sure you're right
as low for how high

tineapple purtle

I am beyond disappointed that they took Mantracker off at 8 pm on Fridays...that was like my date night man...me and Mantracker....gawd damn broadcasting fascists.

Today I finished GIRLFRIEND IN A COMA and fucking loved it...I so didn't want the book to end but...alas...I lost that battle b/c i couldn't put it down.
It's been a while since I zipped through a book in just a few days...its a good feeling to be so enthralled with a story you are oblivious to time...

At one point I was reading a really intense part of the book that was about falling asleep and dieing and I actually fell asleep while I was reading it and woke up SERIOUSLY startled...hahaha no shit...I am really trying to get Ayla to read it....

Tonight I took a chance on a movie i hadn't heard on on PPV...BATTLE IN SEATTLE...movie about the 1999 WTO protests in Seattle...when it was starting I was intrigued reading that Stuart Townsend wrote and directed the movie...thats Charlize Therons hubby....aka the Vampire Lestate in Queen of the Damned.
Anyway...it made all the hairs on the back of my neck stand up....somethign about ppl fighting...justice and rebellion...I fucking love it.
Definiately worth a rent. Plus Ray Liotta doesnt suck in it...been a while since he didnt suck...

Tomorrow I am going to see ADORATION which I must say has incredibly interesting previews...

As I was bucking up a pineapple the other day it occured to me I didnt like bucking up pineapple b/c the pineapple husk reminds me of turtles...and I dont like the idea of bucking up turtles...no one should. Dont kill turtles...ever.
I thought this was a unique thought until I googled turtle pineapple and came up with this!!! Im so far from unique its devestating.

haaaa

one more day to a 3 day weekend...ohhh sweetness...

kid is being human again.

i have a belly ache...i ate soup today for lunch and the richness of it was a shock (i have been eating really friggin good since May 8th, totally on the wagon still!) and the heartburn was absolutely murderous later....wont do that again...i shall run from broccoli and cheddar soup forever now.

look at little Sidlet!
he's turning butterball...i friggin love it when babies turn butterball!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

teenagers can suck my balls

that's right...that's an ass in a hole....ASSHOLE.

june 14 2009

i think its june 14....im not even sure.

today was haircut day....a little more drastic this time...
nothing anyone else will notice im sure...which is my whole objective...fly under the radar....

aside from driving around the world with donna today i read lotsa blogs...squeegeed my patio windows, cat proofed the screen the cat ruined, and myspaced for the 1st time in 384758374589 yrs.
i still hate the format of myspace.

ayla's got 2 days of exams next week and shes done for the year......i think its gunna be a longggggggggggggggg summer in this house.

i just watched the constant gardener finally....fuck.

im PO'd that guy FB is broken and he cant play scrabble with me anymore...i think its a pharmaceutical co. conspiracy.

im currently reading GIRLFRIEND IN A COMA by Douglas Coupland
and im going to bed to read now....

PUSCIFER

My Yam Tree is GROWING!!

fry-day

ohhh 50 mins to go then the weekend is here...

 

gawd damn its boring as fuck here today...bad stuff going on in the tech dept.

 

i scored some bamboo blinds i think, just gotta go pick em up tomorrow...not much else on the horizon...was Ayla's last day today @ school...she has 2 exams next week, thats it.

gawd help me she will always be around annoying me now when im home...

getting a hair cut sunday...movie maybe on saturday...

 

coral at work mentioned rice with steak sauce so now i have a boner for that in my head...not sure i can shake that by going home to eat asparagus & chicken. :o(

id kill a cop for thai food tonight too...gawd damn i love the peanut sauce...

 

i think im gunna alter my start and end times at work by 10 mins...i know that seems dumb but that last 10 mins really hurts my feelers....i am gunna try on monday catching the bus 15 mins earlier and seeing how that works for me cuz then maybe i can make it a 20 min change...and be gone everyday at 430 in stead of 450.

yes thats what my life has become...a boring fucking life of clock watching @ work trying to figure out how to lessen the deadening blow of it all.

 

speaking of deadening blows...the englishman didnt show up today so i guess the day is a great success...

i am cursed.

i dont have the englishmans # so i thought to avoid having to wait for him to call again to tell him to never EVER call me again id be proactive and mail him a note stating just that....so I mailed it yesterday...and i then figured by friday - or monday the latest - id be done with all that for good and wouldnt have to worry about anymore phone calls.

yeah...guess who shows up at my work today and walks right up to my cubicle with a big grin on his face as i am talking to a co-worker?

yeah. awkward much?

he works for the same management co. that services this bldg and happened to be in the bldg (bullshit, ive worked here a year and hes never been here b4) - i was curt and unexpressive bordering on rude b/c i find this all highly fucking annoying...
i hope he arrives home to that note now and feels like a dink.

if he shows up here again i am going to be a complete pissed off badger to him.

# NOPE #

Nope - Ayla is not in love with the dentist...not that anyone is but I see a glimmer of true anxiety there and will watch it for next time...

This was her 1st real dentist experience that wasn't a cleaning...she seemed so genuinely shocked about the needles that I actually felt bad for her...she recalled the drilling experience with anguish on her face....
I don't love the dentist at all...in fact I detest it for the fact that they go in and DISTURB my oral chi...even just cleaning my teeth messes it up...getting fillings is an absolute chi killer as well...

When I was a kid I had dental work done and my mouth was frozen...I think I was 6 or something...anyway...frozen mouth Jen starts to gnaw way at the inside of her lip/cheek b/c she can't feel a damn thing...(1st sign of my OCD weirdness) Before I even realize it there's a giant hole in my mouth...and someone hands me a bag of salt n vinegar chips while I wait for my mom to get off work....by this time the freezings off JUST enough for me to hit the fucking roof when the s & v chips hit the hole in my mouth....
My mother was so horrified by it i told her the dentist did it ahhahahahahahahaha She called the dentist who informed her he did not do it at all and that I must have been chewing it hhahaha

Pretty good run though, making it til 15 to need your 1st filling....! Shit by 15 I had 20 fillings!

love/hate

Swiped from Barb's blog


1. Most Hated Food
over-cooked broccoli, eggplant, fatty meat

2. Most Hated Person
there are simply too many...

3. Most Hated Job
chamber maid the 1st summer after graduation in Lake Louise AB...never assume you are sleeping on clean sheets...that's all im saying

4. Most Hated City
anywhere hot

5. Most Hated Band
Miley Shitfucker, Nickelfuck & Lynyrd Skynyrd

6 - Most hated website.
Telus Mobility

7 - Most hated TV program.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Shot_at_Love_with_Tila_Tequila

9 - Most hated British politician.
Margaret Thatcher.

10 - Most hated artist
Monet - blurry crap

11 - Most hated book.
Bible

12 - Most hated shop.
Walmart

13 - Most hated organisation.
all organized religion

14 - Most hated historical event.
where to begin....? how about with the white europeans settling in north america, raping and pillaging the natives.

15 - Most hated sport.
all

16 - Most hated piece of technology.
cellphones and blackberries

17 - Most hated annual event.
summer....or xmas

18 - Most hated daily task.
cooking and then clean up

19 - Most hated comedian.
Andrew Dice Clay..without a doubt

$$ SUCK IT $$

FLICKR <--pictures

Great weekend visit with Jerri and Zed...good conversation, good food, beach walk...whats better?

Went to our new dentist yesterday....FRIENDLIEST place ever...serious - I find Victoria to be a stuck up sort of place in many ways but this little dentist office was so nice and friendly it has restored my faith in professionals....for 5 mins at least.

Ayla is there right now getting tiddled up...that's right...they have evening hours too!!! Early morning and evening hours...just 2 dentists in a small office...no 3 month waits to get in...fucking brilliant.

I burned my pinky on the stove and it makes using it to type rather annoying...

The mag I write for has not acknowledged an email I sent over 2 weeks ago (on a topic I brought up months ago and was basically ignored at that time too).
I have re-sent it...if I get ignored further or blown off....I am done. If I don't get the response I want...I am done.
It doesn't seem like much to ask to get a simple reply even if just to say *I got this but I don't know yet - I will get back to you.*...they are quick to get in touch when they want my article but when you revisit the topic of $ they play like the chq is in the mail.
I will rant more about that later...

I got Madelyn the funniest little cha-cha dress in Chinatown the other day...omg it cracks me up it's so cheesie....My hope is she will love it so much she will want to wear it to school everyday.

masters of nothing

I would like to know how students that have made it half way through masters programs in university do it when they cannot fill out a grade 9 level loan application for funding?

 

It amazes me.

 

Anyway....cooler today THANK HADES!

 

Last night after work I walked down and met Ayla, Jerri & Zed for dinner...SUSHI...was good....despite it being 4000 degrees of hotness...

after we went to Shoppers bc it was air conditioned...hung out there a while...then went to Chapters bc it was air conditioned (haha)...hung out there...discussed ishmaelites....and then I walked them back to their hotel....Zed was propositioned by a skanky hooker in front of the Douglas Street Money Mart which I found quite amusing....I went home to then shower 6 x from 8 pm to 11 pm haha

 

Its Friday and its my 3 day weekend...woooooooooohooooooooo gotta mickey mouse/macgyver fix my screen as the car has created an escape hatch so it is currently barricaded and its a pain the butt...

 

Last night around 10 pm i was out on the patio and it was so cool and breezy....delightful really...and i was thinking I need a mattress for out there...seriously!!!!!!! I don't think there's be too many bugs up that far...and I don't think bats would bother me....hmmmmmmm

Have also got it in my head that I need a ceiling fan in my kitchen....gunna ask the landlady if I bought one if the owner would install it providing I left it when I moved....

Would feel way better about leaving that on while im at work than a regular fan.

 

Tonight Jer and Zed are coming to bunk at our place...which will be nice providing Zed doesn't kill the cat or die from allergies....

Puscifer "The Mission"

I know...I know...its Maynard...why wouldn't I love it? but come on...he's got Milla Jovovich singing on here too...Fuck me its good.

heat makes time stand still

well im not dead yet....the only thing that saves me is the whole work day being in an air conditioned environment so really I only have to cope with the heat from 5 pm until I lapse into a fat girl coma at night.

jerri and zed are in town so tomorrow after work theyre picking me up...i hope their car has AC if its still this hot....ha ha there will be lots to talk about...lament about...laugh about...

i dunno what to do...i think aylas right about something and its rocking my world...ive given that kid greif for a few yrs now about the $ she spends on those hoytee toytee razors/shavers....the venus...the intuition....man they cost a lot...as do the refills but gawd dammit if they dont work 100x better than anything else....I look like edward scissorhands shaved my legs using the cheap ass ones i get...and its to the point where its invoking FEAR....lol
so i think im gunna be a total and utter gaylord and get one.

Donna booked our room in vancouver for when we go see No Doubt in July...

OOH LA LA yay! for gov't employee discounts....!! saves us over 100 bucks i think....i think the plan is Ayla and a friend will come so while we are at the show they can use the pool and gym and hot tub etc....i think itll be a fun trip...im not generally the best traveller in the world BUT its a short trip and Donna's a hoot so...i think itll be cool...

i think im gunna tin foil my bedroom window.........

wow

My elbows are sweating...that's how hot it is.

And as if that isn't enough...A PRIVATE # called my house this evening...it must have been the heat that destroyed my Spidey Senses...cuz I picked it up...and....
.
.
.
.
.
.
it was......THE ENGLISHMAN.

It's like I am being punished for every catty remark, every shitty thing I have done since I was born.

Did I mention my elbows are sweaty?

The song THE MISSION by Puscifer gives me a hard on.

Too hot to live.

hotter than a .....

Here is the 1st post about how much summer sucks monkey balls.

I HATE SUMMER! *stamps feet*

Anyway...saw Wolverine the other night...gawd dammit it Hugh Jackman might just be the ultimate male specimen...hubba hubba! Moving on...the movie was a good comic book type movie alright, no complaints at all...

OK fuck its too hot to type.