Friday Night Dance Party at My Desk...

Love coming home to a postcard from my sprog...

She has always had interesting names for me...she has been calling me Madre for many years now...when she was little she took to calling me Jennifer for about a year. She was 3 or 4 I think. It really bothered some people - that she did not call me mom but I thought it was rather amusing.
Much like the time she named her 1st cat....Milo Haricot Conklin. Like wtf...? ha ha ha So awesome...Haricot being french for Bean or something...friggin genius...that kid had the best mind.

I would really love it if I could get these wireless headphones to friggin work...they work great with the wire....but for some reason I have a technology mental block when it comes to anything to do with my TV and setting these assholes up to the TV is not the success I hoped...I want to watch TV loud if I want to dammit. In the meantime they are plugged into my PC speakers and I am digging the non-ear bud sound...listening to Jeff Buckley...wishing he did not drown so the world could have seen what he would have done with his talent.

After dragging a bunch of stuff out of the basement storage locker I came across some old letters...ones from when Kim was a kid - she found it most humorous to read them and re-experience her teenage brain. I found it funny she would write and ask me for advice about boys. I am about the last person anyone should ask about boys...then and now. ha!

Came across old pen pal letters from about 15 years ago...some I tossed but a few I kept...Dave Wurfel was my favorite...wonder what ever happened to him in life? He was really smart and funny...knew how to write a good letter and tell a story with flare and wit...I am looking for him...I think I tracked him down, teaching in California...would love to know what he is up to. Another one, Aaron Marland...he was this kid from the UK...I am tracking him down too...he was a good shit...I have looked for him online in the past but...I fear he is too cool for FB and the like...
Some of the other letters were just atrocities of the English language...one in particular made me chuckle...one guy wrote "once in a why'll"  - HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA that is awesomely terrible.

Speaking of terrible things...
A plane crashed into the sea on its way to Malaysia....no survivors...Miss A leaves for Malaysia in 2 days...thank a fat baby Jesus that news report was noticed by me today b/c if I noticed it in 2 days I probably would have  completely lost my shit and had a nervous breakdown.

Oh and...holy assholes...Kori is home 1 day and some assholes sneak into their house last night and steal their TV, laptop, Mary's wallet/all their ID etc...like....JESUS! Seriously...? ::shakes head:: Life is like a box of dick chocolates...you think it will be good but it usually isn't. That's my weird philosophical outlook for the day.

I bought a vanity today. I have always wanted one of these...always. Love the style and this looks to be in great shape...can't wait to move and get things all tiddled up!

Home

Home from the 2 day whirlwind visit to Powell River. Enjoyed seeing everyone and getting to hang with Riley on his 1st birthday...pretty cute. 

Maggie and I went hard the night before making pirate/boat cake pops and all sorts of treats - labor intensive and delicious = cake pops. haha

Went and had a nice visit with Mike as well...very weird being in that house with Deanna gone. It looks exactly the same. Her things still everywhere. Cannot imagine what it is like for him day in and day out. The one year anniversary of her death approaches...not easy for him, her folks, her daughter, sister or niece. A gift I gave her 13 years ago has made it's way back to me...my brother had a Lilith Fair poster signed by Sarah McLachlan that I brought home with me after his passing in Oct 2000...I had Uncle Jim frame it pretty and gave it to her for xmas that year. She loved Sarah McLachlan and was very fond of my brother so it seemed a fitting gift for such a great friend. Very bitter sweet getting it back...Mike really wanted me to take something of hers with me - as you can imagine it is a bit awkward, not wanting to rifle through someones things but this was something he was insistent about...and a piece of her Cranberry Pottery...really nice of him honestly, all awkwardness aside...I will display both and find them heartwarming to see each day.

A's travel drama as blown over - hoping that is the end of that business. They visited waterfalls and elephants today...sounds like a lovely place (Koh Samui) with lots to do. Weird that her birthday was almost over where she was by the time it was her birthday here...

I have settled down a bit...going to PR was a good distraction though...there is nothing louder than the roar of silence that rushes your ears when you walk into your house and your only child has vacated the nest. I find that to be really strange and I am not sure I will get used to that.

I now have zero fingernails...sigh...

Great road trip with Sarah to PR...have told her that anytime she is going to please contact me if she wants a travel buddy...much easier getting to and from in a car. Maggie's new place is quite nice...lovely view and good location. Glad to have finally seen it. Did not have time for a fancy bath in the tub but next time for sure!

Back to work tomorrow...should be a nice little nightmare of ppl frantic for lickitysplit service b/c they are in a mad rush.

Today I think I will tidy up, make a stew to eat all week...yeah.

Bangkok Mall Sushi

Trying to get used to my empty house...was thinking about it today...why I am so emotional about this and aside from raging PMS I think it is b/c this trip has no end date so it feels different...real. Real empty nest...permanent...not down the street...it is weird to not think about what she needs...what I should get her for groceries...what I can pick her up at the drug store - that is 20 years of conditioning to try and stifle.

It is terrible to come home knowing she is not here too...it is always dark...I did not see this coming...I have always enjoyed alone time, being solo...but this feels like less of a treat. I will be fine of course. I just need to get used to it and I am pretty adaptable for a neurotic being. There are personal positives of course but man oh man...I am missing her. I look fwd to not falling apart every time I unlock my fucking door...

I found a mini-liquor cabinet in A's room and I am gunna drink all the Kahlua...yeah I am THAT hardcore that I enjoy a brown cow just like my mom does..ha!

Was happy to hear from A. today...they got up and hit the mall in Bangkok for sushi...haha They fly out to Ko Samui tomorrow...At some point I will relax a bit and stop thinking about her every move...right? Right?

I must go pack for Powell River - leaving tomorrow...and make sure all my stuff is done b/c I am leaving from work with Sarah for a mini road trip.

Ughhh

I do not feel well. It's been a weekend of blah feeling not quite well enough to go do something but not sick enough to wave the sick flag. I am hoping I should take this as a sign my body is fighting off whatever disgusting cooties I probably picked up on the bus.

The Golden Globes were interesting...I was cringing at the layout of the tables...seeing skinny ppl struggling to move their way through the maze of tables and chairs to get on stage as a big fail in my opinion...do these organizers not know better by now? People felt rushed to get on stage so they were running in heels and dresses ffs b/c it took so long to reach the stage. And the Woody Allen tribute. Blechh. I am not a fan of Woody Allen movies or Woody Allen's weirdness. Taking nudie pictures of your wife's adopted daughter that you were a step father to for 12 years is gross. It is even grosser when you marry her, making your biological son your brother in law. Gross. All of these bizarre boundary issues make it very believable that he also allegedly molested a younger adopted daughter...so yeah. Gross. Diane Keaton's acceptance speech was something else...I was distracted by her amazing gray hair....I FUCKING LOVED HER HAIR...but that speech....save it sister...not interested. Her hair reminds me of my Aunty Pam's....all perfectly gray and shimmery, thick and long....if you ever go shorter Aunty Pam - this is your haircut!!

I spent an hour looking through apartment ads yesterday. That is how I sooth myself sometimes, looking at new apartments and imagining how all my shit would fit into one and how it would be awesome to have laundry in my apartment again....and no assholes above me. Sigh.

Heading to Powell River the weekend of Feb 1st. Miss A will be gone for her b'day (hmmmf) so I thought since my friend Sarah was heading up there I would go along and spend the day with Riley on his 1st birthday that she shares with Miss A. I will only be there a day and a half so he probably wont have enough time to warm up to me but that is ok...I am sure Mags will have a little party planned and it will give me a nice visit with the whole family :)

Political unrest in Thailand....seriously...stop it already. Do not shoot my kid!

I want to order pizza extremely bad right now. I would except with my half sick-belly that would be a terrible idea. Terrible....terribly tasty nasty........mmmmm.
It is already 740 pm ffs. Ok I just ordered a pizza. Idiot. Online ordering is the shit. For real. Maggie would be in her glory to never have to call and talk to order pizza...

A series...

I am going to do a series of posts that reflect the all the positive attributes of certain ppl I give a shit about...you know...dedicate a post to one person and just say why I think they are great. I thought that would be really positive and you know I am trying to be more positive this year. I am positive being positive will be positive although positively difficult at least 1 week of the month.

There will be no rhyme or reason to who I write about...it will be strictly on a whim and completely spontaneous...gotta be in the zone for such writing.

Today was shitty headache day though I did make a tasty meal for me and the kidlet...Mary should be here soon after a longgggg day at the hospital with Kori...I took him dinner the other night and also to check out his new digs. He is on the rehab floor now and wow - what a change in vibe. The 6th floor neuroscience nurses were really, really friendly and nice, warm even...rehab nurses - not so much. Quite cold actually, felt the chill the moment I walked in there. It was later verified after seeming some interactions. Different vibe on the ward as well - I mean you have 20 ppl there who are brain damaged in some way, most have mobility issues too so it is a sad sight indeed, many sad stories. Car accidents, a teen hit by a drunk driver, strokes, other random head injuries...It was very apparent to me after Kori introduced a few that he fared EXTREMELY well as far as brain damage goes...while he is not going to be without long lasting effects he maintained his speech, personality etc and that is huge. Physically, he has a ways to go but he is making great progress, took a few steps unassisted even...this is so good to hear...I love it.

Going to have a mini birthday for A. before she leaves this month since she will be gone for her birthday. 20 years old...she exclaimed proudly last night that she was never going to be a stupid teen mom hahahha I had to laugh - she has maintained all along that she was NEVER going to be a teen mom ever...so she feels like a total victor! I sure will miss her sense of humor.

I can see why she wants to go to Thailand.

She has way too much time on her hands right now...she is over thinking the trip...worried about the Bangkok election protests and violence that is happening already. The election is Feb 2...poor planning on their part for not looking into that ahead of time...lesson learned. They will likely leave Bangkok soon after arriving and visit it later once things are a bit more settled post-election. We talked with Joel last night at Tracey's - he is from Thailand, he had a lot of good advice and info to share about places to see and avoid, etc. So nice to spend time with Tracey, Adrienne, Joel and Ashley...Seeing Ashley all grown up (she used to babysit A. - so cute) and watching the pleasant dynamic between the 4 of them...it is really nice. I look fwd to Ash moving back to Victoria once her and Joel decide to have babies etc.

Happy Poo Year Peeps!

Awwww (Miss A's Xmas with the family)

Madelyn & Miss A

Aunty Pam the Candle Sniffer

Sidney the Serious Warrior

Sid, Maddie & Miss A

Sid & his cousin Miss A

Madelyn

Oh gawd....someone got a Furby

Sid hahahaa

Pretty girl

SnapChat

Riley high 5ing Uncle Regan

Riley

Xmas Eve, etc.

The Parkside Hotel...scene of Xmas Eve

Xmas morning breakfast...rootbeer float goodness

Hotel lobby that our suite looked down on

Hotel lobby that our suite looked down on

Hotel lobby that our suite looked down on

Pie, chips, spring rolls, brownies, chocolates, shortbread, cookies, fudge, cheese, crackers, meat, rice krispie squares, pop, chicken balls...this all equals amazing epic heartburn!

hahaha they were damn hot

my gift from Kate....awesome old mason jar made into a dish soap dispenser...awesome!

Kim & Shawn...we played Settlers of Catan and Sequence most of the night after swimming

And a jig of happiness I did when it was all over!
Funny that when you have a child to focus on for 20 years you forget how weird xmas is and how much you don't really like it that much. This being the 1st year without Miss A in 20 years was kinda blah...and I was well aware this was just the 1st of it's kind....b/c she won't be home next year either :(
Not to say it was not a nice time in the hotel with Shawn and Kim, it was....it was just weird anyhow. Plus I ate too much (imagine that) and felt ill b/c I was also on the verge of menstruation and that is never a pleasant experience. It also explained my 3 hour crying jag on the 23rd where I just stood in the kitchen bawling while making 4 batches of rice krispie squares...bawled and bawled with full logical awareness that I was completely crying over nothing...my kid is fine, my moved ones are fine...nothing to cry over...yes...wah.wah.wah. 

On boxing day I promptly took everything down...lights, tree, cards...not a trace left of xmas in this house...back to normal...that is typically how I roll though...I put everything up early b/c I know that once xmas is done I feel ZERO christmas-ness...the season is dead to me.

Sounds like Miss A had a fun time with the family...especially the kids...she helped get Sidney all riled up and into the xmas groove. Riley looked like he was his usual handful self but stupidly cute...he really is a character. Madelyn looked to be her usual lovely self, loved having Miss A around.

Sidney & Riley....look at Riley's face hahahahahahaha He slays me with cuteness lol

Miss A at home having out mini xmas...loving having her photo taken...ugh

Miss A & Madelyn Xmas 2013 in Powell River BC

Miss A has been letting the bird fly since she was a kid...love this collage HAHAHA

Miss A in Powell River over Xmas....my pretty girl.

Kim's phoenix tattoo...turned out really nice I think!

Kim xmas morning at the hotel....camo onesie jammies and troll hair hahaha

Happy Fartmas & the gift of all gifts...

CEDAR aka SANTA

Christmas is a weird time of year. I always have this odd level of anticipation leftover from childhood. This year is my 1^st Xmas without Miss A. She is up with the family in Powell River…I am staying in Victoria with my sister. Kim (sister) and I are renting a fancy hotel suite Xmas eve, should be fun…food, swimming pool and hot tub. Last night Miss A told me that she was going to The Zoo (PR's scumbag watering hole) with her friend Tayla who is also home for xmas...they were little bastards together as children...looking forward to the stories about the shenanigans though I had a missed call on my cell from Miss A at about 1230 am...not sure what that is about...

This year I got a package in the mail that kind of messed with my head a little…mostly in a nice way. My good friend Deanna passed away earlier this year and she was always quite thoughtful and lovely around the holidays or birthdays. I could always count on a little parcel of goodies from her, personalized and clearly of things she had been collecting with me in mind. This year I received a package from Mike and Jordyn, her husband and daughter…inside was a note from Jordyn saying Deanna’s gift cupboard had a bunch of things that were clearly for me so they wrapped them up and mailed them down. As you can imagine, this gift from the grave was beyond emotional…gnome soap, bottles of Amber Glow incense, a sock monkey in PJs, a book about neurosis’ (haha), etc…you get the picture. It was a lovely scene, Miss A and I blubbering like big dumb babies at the kitchen table. Even the Xmas card was a handpicked gem. Such a wonderful thing for Mike and Jordyn to do…I know the whole family is still drowning in grief, she was the pillar of that family, keeping everything together and her being gone is devastating to every one of them. For them to be able to do this for ME while they still struggle with the loss of her was incredible. It really blew my mind. Feeling extra bad for them all over the holidays. Deanna was the driving force behind xmas in their family, this 1st xmas without her is sure to be extremely difficult.

CEDAR the FART KILLER

It has been a tough year on old Powell River friends…Deanna passed…then Mark Hamilton. He had been battling an evil bastard of a brain tumor for many, many years so his death was almost a bit of a relief in ways…it could not have been pleasant to see him in the condition he was in and I would imagine he was a little battle weary. They made this [CLICK HERE] amazing video tribute to him that sucked me right in, felt like I was watching a movie about his life, did not want it to end. I was a beautiful tribute.

Last week Paul Fairclough died. Like I said, I think my Powell River friends should be a bit worried because it seems a bit epidemic. 43 is not old enough for all this death and carnage.

Things at home are settling in. Mary is still staying here, Cedar arrived yesterday and I can see him being here with her just improved her mood and decreased her stress level immensely. Someone will be bringing her son Austin down xmas eve so they will be having xmas eve and xmas morning here...

Shawn should be here at some point over the next few days...

Xmas will be a pile o' weirdness this year...with Miss A being away and the nasty atom bomb farts that we all have nightmares about that Cedar drops on the regular. ha.