displaced

I was downtown at the army and navy in vancouver yesterday and for the 1st time in my life felt the *fear*.

I don't generally get worked up over being in sketchy parts of town...in fact i used to roam all over Vancouver without a friggin care in the world...i never felt threatened or scared for my safety...possibly b/c when yer younger yer too dumb to know better...but really...even now here in vic homelessness and drug use is a big issue but i don't fear for my life walking downtown...

but man the other day i felt like an old crusty person standing out side the store in the thick of skid row...in about 30 mins i saw a few she-males, countless addicts, countless mentally ill ppl, cripples, hookers, saw a guy whacked on something rip his shirt off and smash a hooker up against a building....about 10 mins later he was accosting someone else and dragging them down the sidewalk to gawd knows what...it was intense ppl watching lemme tell ya.

the effects of the upcoming olympics is obvious...

granville street, which used to be one of my favorite places ever, is now looking like a friggin mall...all these high end clothing stores and shit line the whole street...hardly any street folk left on granville...theyre all down by the army and navy now...i wonder where they will get pushed to next? burnaby?

dont get me wrong...i dunno wtf the solution is but a very large percentage of the ppl i saw in just 30 mins belonged in a hospital and since the closure of riverview its obvious where they all ended up.

i really wanted to get some pictures but i thought id get stabbed/robbed for my camera if i took it out of my bag.

rollins was AWESOME....the show was long....3 hrs...entertaining as always.

sadly bruce was a no show so the other ticket was wasted.

i was glad arika and jason were there...i ended up staying at laura's when bruce was MIA...she saved my bacon....i really didnt want to rent a room...THANKS LAURA! xo

laura's new place is great....she has 3 g'pigs and 2 bunnies now....i love the noise the piggies make, reminds me of dripping water haha

didnt have much time to visit with laura but im hoping to lure her over here some weekend that im off...

ayla and niamh got dressed up here tonight....they let me curl their hair!!!!! awwwwwwww it was like i was part of the gang for a moment hahaha

they looked cute and had a good night....I love cousin kellys costume too...a deviled egg ha ha ha ha ha

i am absolutely BAGGED...im gunna sleep like a corpse tonight!
my cat is getting BIG already!!!! gawddddddddddddd

Come to mama HANK!

off to vancouver today for a quick trip to see Henry Rollins...

cat is mentallllllllllllllllllll

kid is mentallllllllllllllll

I have a headache as big as my ass.....

sewing pants...packing...showering...blogging...eating....all at once.

did i mention the cat is mental?

pray for me plz....HA HA HA

I am one of the tards

the other day I started my microwave on fire by trying to *warm* some stuff that came in a foil package...it says RIGHT ON THE DAMN THING "DO NOT MICROWAVE" duhhhhhhhhhhhh
yeah not one of my best moments...with 2 witnesses to boot.

i work tomorrow then shuttle off to vancouver for a one night stand with Henry Rollins...I didnt feel like going AT ALL but now that its almost here im digging it i think...im gunna travel INCREDIBLY light and only have one small bag...ohhh yeah i impressed the shit out of my aunty pam when i was there last weekend...all i had with me was ONE SMALL BAG...she near shit.
i am not a light traveller by nature....so this is a good thing. Oooooooo I just had an EPIPHANY!!! Shawn is leaving to go to Vancouver Tuesday afternoon so I am so snagging a ride over with him WOOOOHOOOOO...I am soooooooooo styling now.

omfg im boring

cheese-o-ramma

i think the howling is on tv....that movie scared the shyte outta me as a kid....its damn cheesie now.

humanoids from the deep too...i remember being in a hotel, under the blankets, pretending to be asleep, watching the movie....the weird humanoids raping the humans....the humans birthing the humanoids...fuck...it was the 1st time i saw bobbing bare titties on tv i think....which was intriguing but the whole friggin concept of the movie was disturbing!

tomorrow im going to buy shawn's cell contract off him bc he is moving to the states...im gunna get it and then buy a phone for Ayla for xmas (shes all hard over a chocolate flip...*eyeroll*)...probably about time i committed to a cell phone contract....although i may regret it....time will tell. It is a decent plan so its a good way to start anyhow.

today wasnt too bad @ work....cant complain...all things considered.

i love my kitty....i love how she follows me around like a dog...i love how she sits outside the bathroom waiting for me if i close the door...and if its open she lays down and watches me til i leave, then follows me where ever i go....

she sleeps at the foot of my bed....

im not quite used to it yet so i still flail about in bed at night...last night i flipped over and sent the poor thing flying off the bed....hahahahah shes so lovely she just hopped back up and went back to sleep.

i dont think ill ever get married now hahahaha

i didnt die in my sleep dammit

back to work today....gawd help me.

the cat is going mental...im glad she does this in the AM and not at night anymore.

im trying to win TOOL tickets...guess that makes me a greedy gretchen...the demand is frighteningly high 4 these tix so to win them would make me marked 4 death im sure...

i work in 3 hrs.

Ohhhhhh remember the churchy freak that was all over me about god last week?? well it wasnt enough that I asked her to stop emailing me, stating that I was no longer interested in conversing....she emailed me anyway, which I bounced back to her so it appeared I didnt get it...

she then SNAIL MAILED me a page long letter about how i misunderstood her and how god loves me and she will pray for me, and even went on to get a little bitchy b/c she is clearly ticked off im not willing to sit and listen to her drivel...she thinks im all offended for something im not...hahahaha it really is classic....if u click on it itll be big enough to read....

fuck a duck...she irritates me.

im going to send her some evil shit at xmas time.

random picture taking

I made uncle jim pretend the cannon was his penis.
aunty pam super comfy in her new home!

i did some online obituary thing and look what mine was...hahah

how random and PERFECT!!!!!!

day before my execution

i go back to work tomorrow...this is a sad thing b/c for the last 12 days i have thoroughly enjoyed being OFF and while i do feel rested etc I would prefer an extention. ha ha ha

kitty is good...nuts but falling into a routine...she sleeps at my feet at night which is soooooo cool b/c shes too cute to kick off my bed when shes up by my head but that grosses me out, a cat on my sheets so this sleeping at my feet thing is GREAT!

my moms visit went ok...although, it is a damn good thing I went into it with such good intentions and prozac b/c she is friggin mental.

she judges EVERYTHING...Ayla, the cheese I buy at the grocery store, they garbage can I use in the kitchen, the lotion I buy....fuck its like one big festival of defending myself.

At one point in the groc. store I picked up a brick of cheese and she gave me this look of severe disapproval and i said *DO NOT JUDGE MY FUCKING CHEESE FOR FUCKS SAKE!!! ITS ONLY CHEESE!!!!*

Ohhh the joy.

we did have one fab night at the casino....6 hrs we were there...she won 520.00 playing a slot machine she didnt even know how to work hahahahahha then 300 later and I was turning 20.00 into 180.00 etc....at the end of the night we were only 200.00 down and let me tell you that was friggin awesome for 6 hrs of slot machines!

it really was a good time...i dont often have a good time with my mom so it was cool...of course when someones handing u 20.00 dollar bills all night how can it not be enjoyable to gamble someone elses money haha

i sent her home with a shitload of stuff...i cleaned out my closet while she was here and it was awesome bc i didnt have to have a garage sale to get rid of my shit! haha

shawn and phil are coming over to play mario cart tonight.

im gunna buy shawns cell phone contract off of him and use his phone until xmas where ill then buy ayla some over priced P.O.S. phone she can drool over etc...she has a boner for a chocolate flip...

gawd i hate that...cuz something new will come out in 4 mths and then the flip phone will be "GAY". ugh

im still hard over getting 3rd row floor seats to TOOL when they play here in Victoria Dec 1st...

and i keep forgetting I have Henry Rollins to attend in Vancouver Oct 30th....jesus...i am SOOOO not into a trip over...im almost tempted to give the tickets to Bruce and get him to take someone else....ill wait and see how i feel...a quicky day trip overnight to Vancouver sounds VERY unappealing right now....

so today is laundry day and intense menstruation day....jealous arent ya? i thought so.

P.S.

I miss my friggin cat.

Oh and then she sent me an email about the horrors of abortion.....

WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO DESERVE HER THIS WEEK?

fuck you gawd

holy shit...literally.

there is this gal i used to know when i lived in PR...she was raised catholic but our kids played ball together so i never held it against her (haha)...anyway...out of the friggin blue i get this email from her with this giant quote about god (as her email signature)...and she asks me if i prefer facebook for email or my home address...

so i tell her i prefer whatever mail wont include the god crap.

she writes me back and asks me what i think happens when u die so I say this:

when we are dead I think we are dead.
thats it.
so while u are here do all the good you can and love a lot of ppl...cuz once your dead you are dead.

and dont think i havent pondered this much, I have...I would like there to me *more* but I cant wrap my head around the possibility.
to me it isnt logical....b/c im faithless after all.

so while I dont begrudge you or anyone for doing whatever it is in life that makes u feel whole and happy it is not what works for me....
and i admit it irritates me when i think ppl think im an unfortunate, sad case merely b/c I dont buy into organized religion....

thats my spiel 4 the day...and its not even SUNDAY haha

and this is the shit I get back:

Ok, thanks for sharing all of that with me, I appreciate your honesty.

So there is nothing I can do, say, share, show you to maybe change your mind? You are totally closed off to the possibility that there may be something to the claims of half the population of the world that there IS something other than ourselves out there and that once we're dead, we're dead?

I don't necessarily feel sad or sorry for you... With what I believe about the world, now and the after life, I fear for you - that's more like it I guess. Because JEN... what if what I (and many others) believe IS correct? What happens to people like you then? Wouldn't it make more sense for all of us to do what is asked of us by our Creator in the hopes to live forever with God than to not take any of it seriously and end up burning in the fires of hell (which is not exactly a place with fire or whatever, it's just a state of being that is extremely painful and torturous) for all eternity? Just a thought...

Also, if you believe that we are here to do good and love one another - YOU'RE HALF WAY THERE JEN!!! God asks us to love him and others as he loves us. That is the main "thing" when it comes to God. You already do most of it.... Why not take that leap to loving God also? It's not hard. It's easy! He created you and loves you more than you could ever imagine... NO JOKE!!!

I do not "do" religion and/or God to make me whole and happy... and neither does anyone else (I wouldn't think) we love God because that is what we were made to do - ALL OF US, AND THAT INCLUDES YOU MY DEAR! We were created in God's image and likeness and there is a "hole" inside of all of us that only God can fill. When we accept God and that void becomes filled, then happiness and wholeness comes automatically. People who reject God will often substitute him for alcohol, drugs, sex, food, shopping - they try and fill the void with "things" and it never works... I know - I was there, for many, many years.

Anyway Jen, I care about you and love you as a "creation" of God and I want all my brothers and sisters (which includes you!) to know and love and worship God - HE DESERVES THAT!!!

Don't take offense PLEASE to anything I have shared, that is not the intention whatsoever...

now i wanna burn her cocksucking church down...b/c its like shes on a mission to RECRUIT for god or something and i resent the shit out of it.
maybe i will sick GUY on her....hey guy...draft me up a response would ya...fuckin hell...i hate ppl.

holy mudderfoofingsheet

the bus i came up here on was a piece o' crap...gear grinding the whole way...but islept through most of the ride, listening to tunes...

aunty pams place is great....all its missing is a pool downstairs.

TOOL tickets go on sale tomorrow at noon...i know ive whined about this b4 but this experience of trying to get good tickets fucks with my mind...im getting a ticket 4 me, michelle b, arika and donna and i am gunning 4 floor tickets...i do get royally stressed out waiting for the website to open and snatch tickets...while i logically realize it is not life or death, i panic like it is hahahaha

I will not eat Nanaimo Bars whilst in Nanaimo BC

I'm off to Nanaimo today...I am not at all ready...I havent showered in days...

I am too busy playing with the cat...who is so fucking cute by the way I could spontaneously lactate at any moment!!!!!

welcome kitty......

tink won...but we renamed her whinney...

What kitty??? VOTE NOW!

Molly...

Tinkerbelle

Matheson

Denny

Im leaning twds matheson....amber eyes but short hair...but Denny is so cute too...and Tinker tabby is lovely....ARCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!

MEOWWWWWWWWW

its kitty time!!!!!!!!
picking a cat is TOUGH!
theyre all so friggin cute.
im secretly terrified...the responsibility I liken to parenting.

im not fond of responsibility...hence ONE CHILD.

im gunning for a black kitty with amber colored eyes...the amber eyes make me SWOON...
or theres an awesome orange kitty...or a cute gray tabby....

fuck I CANT CHOOSE.

the inspector lady is coming shortly to make sure im not a cat eating freak....

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Done like dinner.

I went in to work today, did all I could and now thats IT...
12 days of no training, no questions, no emails, no compliance, no store visitors, no audits, no cash outages, no listing errors, no customers, no nothingggggggggggggggggggggggg

So now I need to sit and make a list of all the things I wanna do while im off....or ill do SHIT ALL.

Did I mention I wanted to buy stocks in whatever company makes IMMODIUM?

Got my memory stick today...actually a 2 pack..., 2 GBs each for 55.00
Gotta like that. A few yrs ago I bought a 1 GB stick and it was 90.00 ~ Fuck
I will give one to Ayla and take her 1 GB card and then have the other 2 GB woohoo

I am rather disgusted at how much lower in price things of a techno nature get in a short period of time...ive pretty much decided never to buy anything new bc whats the friggin point, u pay top dollar and in 6 months its not worth shit.

Lucky 4 me im more about just having something functional rather than top of the line or "new"...

Ayla is mortified I am off for so long....shes sure I will wreck her life if im not working all the time. Jackass.

Friday ~ one day closer to the end

well....almost there....today and tomorrow and then im vacation bound, which looks like ill be at home chugging immodium.

gawd damn...when u get old these things kick your ass...but im glad my fever/ headache/teeth ringing is over with b/c that was fucking annoying.

moving on...

looks like we are back on the kitty kick...I was gunna send Ayla on a dance trip but as it turns out the trip itself is a little more expensive than originally thought AND b/c shes under 14 she needs a chaperone...Ummmmmmm no thanks.

She will have to hit it next year...so we are back 2 looking for a kitty...

gotta be short haired...not black & white...not siamese...no pre-existing medical conditions...etc

ideally im looking for someone who is being forced to part with an animal and will gimme all the shit with it hahahaha

my new camera gave me a boner last night when i was messing with it....it does some cool shit i have no idea about but i am forcing myself to read the damn manual this week....

I called Guy last night up north...omfg i thought i was gunna choke on my own mucous...he has the flu too so we were exchanging stories and he wins b/c he had to hike up a fucking mountain with the trots and he forgot toilet paper....I can assure u had it been me I would never have ventured outside my house...he is hardcore.

I told him about the disgusting dream I had about him which thoroughly grossed us both out...which lead to more mucous sputtering.

Aunty Pam and Uncle Jimmy are in there NEW place now!!

Yipeeeeee we will be going to visit them next weekend....

Some crazy bitch on the Price is Right is gunna have a seizure I swear to gawd.......gawd sometimes those ppl are really messed up.

I have to go to future shop and get a memory card 4 this new camera...the 16 MB one it came with is rather useless...although if u switch the settings u can take a lot of pictures (80ish) on it, they just arent large or print worthy.

the toilet....my new best friend

in honor of the fact i should weigh 85 lbs after this week and DO NOT

I managed to find a new/old camera...it is used but wasnt used a lot so it is really quite new still...and for 250.00 how could i refuse...esp b/c she brought it to my house! woot woot!


This is the card my mom sent me this week....read it carefully...then read what she wrote inside....hahahah hahahah hahahahha hahahaha apparently there is no hope 4 me until i get married hahahahahaha

Has quite the zoom on it....12x

BONER!

this is my little sister Kim in stolen hospital jammies....in my old bedroom in Moose Jaw Saskatchewan

Yeah I was a Rick Springfield fan...

that old red record player was my most prized possession my whole childhood...I shit u not...

i should weigh 85 lbs now

ok ok ok i wont go on and on about my gastrointestial hell....

but wtf do i talk about then?

hmmmmf

gee, thanks!

so yeah remember that time not so long ago I was wishing I had the trots so I had a legit excuse not to go to work...?

I take it back.

I dunno WTF I ate but I spent 7 hrs becoming one with the toilet last night...til about 3 am...on the upside, it was a brand new experience...b/c never b4 have i been plagued so...

I had no symptoms (cramps etc) so I managed to finish my whole book...was entirely odd.

Today I have a manager meeting and its a turkey dinner...and I can assure you I wont be eating anything but toast and bananas today.

I am tired as hell and have a headache to kill a goat but otherwise functional.

I am looking to score a Canon S2 IS camera...the ones i manage to take good pics with when i borrow one off Arika to take to concerts etc...

The person upgraded and is only asking 250.00 for it....

Ok me and my dead self are going to nap.

Muhahhahahaa

I have a really cute baby at my house right now...

MADDIES HERE! cute as ever....

Pam and Kelly are here as well...just 4 a short visit.

I get turkey today @ Tracey's woooohoooooo

I work at 10 today...

I hate long w/e's at work bc all the sketchers come out...always have a ton of fraud chqs to battle and then the fucktards who have never used your services b4 decide to sign up bc they missed the bank on friday...pain in my ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS...someones getting arrested today though....and it aint gunna be me.

Michelle....omfg i got your package on SUNDAY of all days! The JESUS PUZZLE is da shit!!!!! hahahahahahhaha and the pendant....fabulous...thanks so much xo

Day Off in Bliss

well hello friends and such...

ive been busy since my birthday but here i am now...bright and early to numb your senses into convulsions.

i am drinking tea that is too damn hot at the moment and have peanut butter toast by my side to guide me through...

i hear ayla and her 2 friends in her room giggling and howling about something funny...

i just coughed and sneezed at the same time and it felt reallllllly weird

i work the rest of the weekend and im ok with that...i did manage to score turkey for monday after work...

the leaves have turned, as has the weather so you know im in friggin bliss with this dreary cool state of temperature outside.

so i have holidays booked from Oct 13-25

so im just living to make it to Oct 13

i need a little rest...

last nights dream proved that.

i did a hastily move back to powell river, into my old apt that i still pine for, ayla was a twin so there was 2 of them if u can frickin imagine....and once i got all my stuff moved in and such the realization struck me that i had no job, and was certain not to get one in PR that paid me what i make now....so i started to panic and pace....tried to think of ways to get back to Victoria etc....it was quite stressful...i even woke up all rattled....the thought mortified me hahahaha (sorry guys)

anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy....

its boyfriend season at ayla's school in her little clique so the stories have been fabulously funny...the kiss lean ins...the unknowing face movement...the kisses ending up in the side of ones face....fuck it kills me....

ayla is having fun fun fun right now so until the bomb drops (reality) im enjoying her and her friends gleeful existence.

ive recently hooked up with my old cool friend from grade 8 and beyond via facebook ~ Adele ~ how i missed her. it is so weird to fall back into the fold with someone u havent seen in 20 yrs.

it is quite fantastic....i have incredible fond memories of our friendship - this during a time when family life was at an all time low - so it is a nice reminder that not all was lost.

Anyway....everyone say HI to Adele b/c im gunna give her the link to here....

HI ADELE!!!! Welcome to BLOG WORLD of STUPIDITY & OCCASIONAL INSIGHTFULNESS.

(my favorite pic of Adele...she was cool b4 her time)

37 ~ Not so bad....

today was good...I woke up, didnt have to rush anywhere...played some scrabble on facebook (junkie)...talked on the phone

...got some stuff done...ate left overs....then Donna took me to a movie tonight THE BRAVE ONE and i got a boner for Terrence Howard. ---->

I kept thinking he reminded me of Benecio del Torro but I couldnt figure out as to WHY....or what similar traits they shared...I still cant but either way...id hump either of em if they asked nice.

Anyway...another year done and gone.

RIP Dorothy...