change...

change is poo, even if it does turn out to be fabulous at the end of the day it can still be very difficult and traumatizing...

ive made a big change myself, leaving all you know behind is a very gross feeling...im sure we have all made such a decision in our lives, to some degree...

aunty pam has a HUGE decision to make by monday and i DO NOT envy her ONE BIT in making it and having to follow through with the inevitable, regardless of the choice she makes.

while it is nice to have a choice to make at all (some are not afforded such a luxury), sometimes having no choice and just dealing is kinder than choosing your own fate. ha ha chicken shit but true in many ways...

so plz send my aunty pam some kick ass positive vibes this week so she doesnt LOSE her mind in midst of this decision making process that will not only change her life but that of her husband, her children and the rest of the family....(PS: it isnt fatal, dont worry)

after that bit of news last night the rest of the evening was kinda DUHHHHHHH....i ordered tix to the Deftones for Michelle B and I...I am hoping she can zip up on the ferry from Washington and come stay over and go to the show WOOT WOOT! July 9...she will get to meet me in all my albino, hot weather MISERY. ha ha ha

Dear You Guys,

I just burped up chicken pot pie and chocolate pudding at the same time and it was very gross.

Love, Jen

Birthday Greetings!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUNTY CATHY

and EVAN S. and ASHLEY C. !!!!!

Happy Birthday Brother

Happy 31st Birthday to my little brother today...kinda weird wondering what he would have been like as a full blown adult. Hard to believe it'll be 7 yrs this year that he has been gone. Such a head trip. In his honor today I am going to see the Pirates movie @ 5 pm with Donna...

Made an appt for Ayla's new annual buspass...jesus h christ...336.00 divided by 12 months = 28.00/mo Still a good deal since now for a monthly pass its 42.00 - ok I guess I wont complain...it is a lot cheaper than the other. Still a lotta $$$ to fork out at once, esp cuz it means I am not getting a new camera yet or glasses or a couch. WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH What a fucking martyr...I sicken myself...3 paychqs in June and the extra all goes to Ayla's buspass and her new dance shoes. Fuckin gay! hahaha No bitterness here hahaha Ohhh well such is life....

I am scared to see the price of these dance shoes.

gawdddddddd

omfg....the AC at work went insane and it was 89 degrees damn near all day.

i nearly died.
nealy ended up a giant puddle on the floor.

i said FUCK IT to the budget and called someone to come fix it...then threatened everyone that if they touched it id cut off their hands.

great management skills, i know.

the best song EVER....don't argue with me

"Black" ~ Pearl Jam

Hey... oooh...
Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay
Were laid spread out before me as her body once did.
All five horizons revolved around her soul
As the earth to the sun
Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn

Ooh, and all I taught her was everything
Ooh, how quick the sun can drop away
And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass
Of what was everything.
Oh, the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...

I take a walk outside
I'm surrounded by some kids at play
I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear?
Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin round my head
I'm spinning, oh, I'm spinning
How quick the sun can drop away

And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass
Of what was everything?
All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...

All the love gone bad turned my world to black
Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I'll be... yeah...
Uh huh... uh huh... ooh...

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life,
I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky, but why
Why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine

Aah... uuh..

Too doo doo too, too doo doo [many times until fade]

i need a horse tranquilizer to make it through today

when bob barker retires im not sure ill watch the price is right.

im tense.

my jaw is tense.

today is going to be irritating.

im premenstral...i could eat ding dongs all day today if i allowed myself the self-loathing pleasure.

maybe i will eat 20 ding dongs rather than eat them all day.

i have to work with the slow poke this morning....then with Chatty McShutUpAlready later...

sometimes i wish ppl were mute.

non-fatal bunion

naturally I have the non-fatal variety so stop your crying ppl...but in case u forgot about my wipe out last summer at the TOOL show, here ya go!

in other news, I am hating work right now...the whole fucking place is a nightmare...I have 1 competent person and shes going on holidays today for a week...the other semi-competent one is on holidays til the weekend....so im left with 2 new ppl who are a pain in my ass and 1 trainee...im sure im being punished for all the times i was mean to retarded ppl.

video sale at Roger's this week! WOOOHOOOOO got a few previously viewed keepers...BORAT (Guy, anytime u wanna borrow it just lemme know!) and the DEPARTED....Leo is my homeboy/boyfriend.

im doing laundry b4 work...gotta hit the post office as well...

caterpillars are out....I hate walking and they are babies and hang from leaves by silky threads and get in my hair and shit....it drives me nuts!

i am not HIGHLY aware of all the trees on my walk to work that have caterpillar nests bc once they get BORN they are fucking GROOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS and ill need to walk to work down the middle of the road to avoid them falling from all the trees.

makes me chuckle thinking of that older lady on the news recently who had a complete coniption on a cityworker trying to spray a tree near her house...she actually attacked him ON CAMERA, yelling and eventually punching him and pushing him....it was rather disturbing...i commend the worker for not punching her in the face.

the new NIN cd changes color when its warm from the cd player...i am clearly simply amused bc this thrilled me out of my mind hahaha

CHRIST ON A CRACKERRRRRRRRRR

I THINK I HAVE A GAWD DAMN BUNION ON MY FOOT!

Good Riddance I Say

Conservative ppl freak me out...I dunno how to deal with them. it is almost like they are bible thumpers and i just feel sorry 4 them. ha!

I am glad Jerry Fallwell is dead. How is that for BAD KARMA...saying that shit out loud...? He was a hateful greedy fuck disguised as a good christian man and i think the world is a better place in his absence. Blast me all you like...I felt this way even before I knew the full extrent of his hate for anything *different*.... rest in peace u hateful turd.

On to more uplifting things...no, not my bra....it is FRIDAY...some of u lucky sods get the long weekend off hey? This victim here works right through it all until Tuesday. Boo Hiss...gotta get the branch back in order after a really hectic few weeks...

Bought the new NIN cd...havent cracked it open yet but im getting EAGER to! Also bought the MIKA cd and it was just TOO HAPPY so I mailed it to Aunty Pam haha

I am busy making up little gift boxes to send to Aunty Cathy and my sister Kim b/c their bdays are coming up soon...(don't get excited ladies, it'll just be weirdo stuff haha)

I have no plans this weekend although I wouldnt mind seeing a movie on Sat. Night.......

Jesus Hellacious Christ on a Cracker Batman!

Ive lost about half my readership...I must be getting uber boring in my old age...Don't u fuckers make me start using midgets and donkeys for kicks.

I can hear a baby crying in the next bldg and it makes me want to wring its mothers neck.

Ovaries are now fully shrivelled and no longer functional.

and the bleeding ear award goes to.....

that same bird is chirping outside this morning...i left the patio door open last night so its nice and crispy cool in here...i love that.

im off today...have absolutely NOOOOO plans...i have no laundry to do, nowhere to be....so ill probably READ! omfg READ!

maybe even COOK! or clean my fridge! GASP!

new mantra: MUST GROW ALL NAILS OUT MUST NOT BITE NAILS

this weekend is a long weekend...i forgot.

if Brucifer comes he will have an extra day here so that's groovy...its shitty i have to work through the whole w/e but it cant be helped...damn staff who think they need to have vacations etc....grrrrrr haha

I currently have a staff member right now that irked the ever loving shit out of me...she is argumentative and snippy and while i dont think shes stupid she has NO sense of urgency whatsoever and it drives me mad...

her snippiness twds me has been mentioned by other staff which is never good...i have a pretty high tolerance for it due to living with a bipolar mental teenager at the moment but i guess the fact other staff are highly aware of it i will have to talk to her and probably make matters worse...as u all know im SOOOOOO diplomatic and my manager skills are amazing! ha ha ha

ayla has a 4 day weekend this week...gawd help me.

i just picked my ear and now its bleeding...wanna lick it?

One Night in Paris...hahaha hahaha that still makes me chuckle

There is the loudest chirping bird outside right now...too bad Guy is in Tumbler Ridge working right now, he would know what it was over the damn phone.

I nearly had a fucking fit at work yesterday...with Donna gone and with me filling in at another branch my own branch is in fucking chaos...I have ONE competent person there aside from me so the other 3 are driving me frikkin mental. If im not there to crack the whip its like a circus sideshow. Jesus.
I have 2 ppl to interview on Friday...If they arent handicapped I will probably hire them...not saying someone handicapped couldnt replace my 3 dipshits now but....anyway....if they suck I WILL DIEEEEEEEE.

Looks like Brucifer may come visit 4 the weekend...Ayla is off to a cabin with her friend Niamh and parents on Gabriola Island Sat til Sun...fun for her. I work all damn weekend so...my visiting will be low key and mellow.

I made Ayla eat chicken lasagna last night...I told her I would take away her computer time all week and ground her 4 the weekend if she didnt eat it. ha ha ha I can not tell you how irritated I am that the kid thinks she rules the fucking universe and gets everything she wants...b/c im pretty mean and i dont often let her get whatever she wants, I make her do shit all the time she hates and always seem to be raining on her parade but yet...this *entitlement* thing lives on and on....never satisfied...Michelle B and I were talking about it recently...that a lot of kids now have this attitude we definitely never had...culture has changed so much (and not 4 the better)...the media is ridiculously out of control...I mean do we really need to have a countdown for Paris Hilton going to prison for 45 days (im sure she will be out in 3 wks)? I am delighted to see the little twat suffer but really...is it NEWS WORTHY? Uhhh no. Why do they think I need to see Anna Nicoles old interviews now that shes dead? They werent interesting THEN and they certainly are not now.

blah blah blah

anyway....

Happy Mother's Day ~ I am doing laundry

a few choice quotes for you:

"Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth." - Peter Ustinov

"Whenever I'm with my mother, I feel as though I have to spend the whole time avoiding land mines." - Amy Tan

"First you have to teach a child to talk, then you have to teach it to be quiet." - Prochnow

"A child is a curly, dimpled lunatic." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance." - Franklin P. Jones

"A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother." - Mark Twain

"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his." -Oscar Wilde

haircut horror, worse than a war or cancer so she thinks

-my hair is quite short, for real

-ayla hates her bangs and has made me miserable for 24 hrs because of it

-ayla *over slept* this morning and didnt go to school til 1st recess...and naturally made her bangs and hair the biggest fiasco since chernobyl

-ayla just left mumbling suicide threats and blathered on about how long it would take to die if she stopped eating (i said "too long" b/c im a bad mother)

-i always threated my hairdress b4 every cut that i will torch her shop if she gives me a mullet, and it works (haha) ayla will have to try the same method about her bangs being too short next time...

-now THAT is a bad haircut......--->

Jesus has a pogo stick

What is it with little punk asses these days? I had this little fuck come into work and SPIT on the lobby floor...so I go out there and he asks me for change:

Me: Did you just spit on my lobby floor?

Him: Maybe... Uhhh Yeah

Me: And do you spit on your moms floor at home as well?

Him: Yeah

Me: Well thats fabulous! Go ask her for change then b/c I am not giving you any.

ha ha ha ha Little fucktard! I see teenage boys SPIT on the floor in the mall too and im like WHAT THE FUCK???? I think Id punch Ayla out for being so gross.

Today is haircut day...then im gunna ghost into work and pretend im not there and take no calls but will train myself for our new FABULOUS product we are testing starting Monday...then I will train everyone else Fri and Sat. wooohooooo

Apparently there is a big dance on May 18 and Ayla is already preparing for it....groom groom groom! So funny to watch her get all excited about things...she is kind of extreme in her moods like her mother...shes either ALL GOOD or ALL CRAP...not a lot of inbetween...so I will take the ALL GOOD thank you very much.

Happy Birthday to ZED yesterday!

Happy Birthday to Donna Monty today!

Happy Birthday to Maggie for tomorrow!

woot woot!

Company's coming @ the beginning of June....Baby Maddie is coming to bless us with her fun presence (complete with adult chaperones) for a few days...so thats fun...im already booked off for the saturday so thats perfect....YAY MADDIE! Ayla is sooooooooo excited to have you over!

I promise I wont make u wear bunny ears!

Well I better get rolling on this day b4 its all gone and im pissed off that I wasnt as productive as I was hoping to be.

did someone say "BORINGGGGGG"?

Dontcha hate it when you know u have to be up for something and u wake up hourly all night long in fear youll sleep in and miss it?

It is the worst right before a trip...internal alarm clock from hell.

There is a manager meeting at my house tomorrow evening, wouldnt be so bad if i didnt have to clean my house tonight for it...the idea of having 8 ppl in here, 8 ppl i dont particularly adore (aside from a small few) makes me vomitous.

Im not sure when my social retardation kicked in hard core but...i guess i should be glad it hasnt turned into a major psychosis.

I officially have no assistant at work now...my beloved Donna was transfered to her own store...thatll teach me for training so efficiently....sad how they never transfer the dumb fucking annoying ones.

Now I can begin grooming poor Cynthia for Donna's spot...

I am dieing to eat french toast in my life right now...i have everything but syrup...ive been pining for it for over a month...not sure why i have such a mental block in the grocery store and ALWAYS forget to grab a bottle of syrup.

I have just discovered these sweet/salty peanut-y granola bars that give me a total hard on when i eat one...its worth skipping a meal to justify eating one....mmmmmmmmmmm You know youre fucking boring when eating a granola bar becomes noteworthy.

foam + ears = badness

Tomorrow AM I have to take 2 buses to get to the store where im filling in. RUDE.

How the hell are all of you? It seems like forever since i sat down and just BS'd here...

Ayla's been busy planning her summer...shes not going away for nearly as long as I would like. I am not SUPER fond of the idea of her being footloose and fancy free this summer w/ no school and me at work. Should be interesting. She does have a COOL time planned in Tofino though, surf lessons and camping and I think shes bringing a friend as well.

Yesterday I found myself in a weird situation. The ppl who live under me used to be a couple and have a small kid, I guess they split up and the female stayed under us with the kid and the guy moved to a dif. apt here in the bldg so they split the kid time in half...so his apt is RIGHT by my elevator and when I came home yesterday they were having a rather HEATED discussion in his doorway....FUCK THE ELEVATOR WAS SO SLOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW im bashing on the button trying to make it hurry to get me the hell out of that minefield...trying to look unaffected by the uncomfortableness...by the time I got in the elevator and was heading up I could hear some swearing...ACKKKK!!! Jesus.

I got new headphones and i hate them. I fucking hate earbuds with foamies.

I developed about 65.00 worth of pictures yesterday...paid for em and was delighted that the 8x10's I had processed turned out so damn cool...theyre of Ayla naturally...ones she took of herself and I love them...

she of course does not. ha!

All u working ppl...do u basically LIVE for your days off even though you do very little? It makes me laugh that I pine 4 days off like I do and just fuck the pooch...

dreams and horse eyeballs

I just had a dream my kid skipped school and I woke up pissed off that she was grounded all weekend and would be home to torture me hah ahaha haha I shoulda known it was a dream b/c i was JOGGING in it.

Arent u happy i share?

Ackkk! COURTNEY! Stop the madness!!!!

The old days....before all the badness of bad alterations

For the love of all that is holy...WTF. Look at her damn face! Look what shes done! She's gunna look like that fucked up crazy cat-face lady...Poor Frances...I can not stand all the Hollywood manufactured noses out there, they are all so stupid looking that no matter what you end up doing, to me, you look like a cookie cutter robot fucktard.

My gawd...I will take the lip stick smeared whore face look ANYDAY over this shit.

She looks like a freakin ROBOT!

Look....all the lip injections even ruin that look entirely...

IS NOTHING SACRED!!!!!!!!
Is this picture below REALLY so bad? I am she had already had a little nose job by then but still looked somewhat like herself......

It wasn't all that long ago she was at the Pam Anderson roast and looked HEALTHY, she was obviously clean and put on some weight that made her look less junkie-like, now shes all cracked out looking again!! ARGGG!

and stop hanging around with Paris Fucking Hilton and Avril Lavigne for gawds sake....you're in your 40's....get over it.

HAHAHA BABY MADDIE!

Ooooo look look look

as much as i dont like Facebook it is good 4 stalking ppl....I tracked down Bruce's daughter Ashleigh who I havent seen since Ayla was a baby...so Ash was 6 or so...

When Ash was 4 her and I were pretty tight...I used to steal her away from Bruce and take her to my place for sleepovers etc...I was totally in love with this child...I considered trying to wrangle her to live with me...and trust me back then such a thought speaks volumes for my attachment...ive never forgotten about her and always kept a picture of her and Ayla up, its the only picture I ever had of her. WELL....i stalked her on Facebook and we are now chatting up a storm...she knows who I am but doesnt actually remember the time we hung out...she was pretty small so I wont take it personally haha Anyway shes turning 19 this year....Look at her now....my gawd...I feel old and crusty.

Ayla is being very human these days....me relaxing a little has helped a lot...I feel like I havent been home nearly enough lately and sadly May is a crap month as I work mostly later shifts...Boo Hiss...hopefully ill get my quarterly bonus so I can do something semi-cool with her this month...although im sure she will just want to shop...gag!

Aunty Pam is back to work...how was it? All that you hoped? haha Tired?

I am glad im not at work tonight....the computer POS software is fucking everything up so NOTHING balances...not cash...not deposits...nothing! Ugh

and the Help(less) Desk is USELESS as per usual. Fuck.