for the love of gawd...

...please, someone cut off my feet and toss the right one in the Fraser River and eat the left one.

I think its weird they're finding all those severed feet in the Fraser...creepy...with shoes on...
CLICK HERE for gruesome details.

Tomorrow is Ayla's big dance show...I think I might get dressed up for it since im going by myself and wont know a soul, I wont feel too stupid. ha!
Looking fwd to seeing Ayla's troupe...they've really improved over the last few years...Ayla has informed me she would like to take Jazz dance next year as well as Hip Hop. I am not going to discourage it...since she isn't into sports whatsoever its good for her to get in there and dance up a storm.

My fridge is dead...the freezer is warm and the fridge is not up where it should be...they are switching it tomorrow...BRING ON THE OLIVE GREEN



I closed tonight and open tomorrow...i shoulda just friggin slept there.

Friday....big whoop!

HAPPY BARFDAY AUNTY CATHY!!!

<--don't we look happy? we are miserable. ha ha ha
I mean, in general, not in the picture...

My freezer just died...Ive had to take my meat to a neighbors and ate what was left...the bldg owner has had this fridge fixed 3-4x...yet it keeps konking out...so im the latest unlucky tenant to have it...
I think he is in love with it (ok hes just a cheap fuck) bc he keeps fixing it when he needs to turf it. It clearly is a POS.
I wonder if I will get a harvest gold or olive green replacement....I pick olive green...since I know i wont get a giant stainless steel one with an ice maker. sob!

Michelle B sent me a jewish beanie!!! I can now say i have one. I should probably look it up and see what the name for them is.
She sent me all sorts of things...it was like xmas...and the new headphones (SKULLCANDY) in particular are horny-inducing ear buds of orgasmic delight...
Oh yeah theyre my new and forever favorites...Merci!

Tomorrow night is Ayla's giant dance gala WOOHOO
Im not sure hwat it is but every year I pay a stupid amt of $ for the year end *costume* and it is always some ugly piece of shit that she is mortified to wear and will never wear again...keep in mind these are street clothes for hiphop dance so for 80 friggin dollars youd think at least ONE piece of the outfit wasnt hideous....ugh

happy birthday buddy!

this is a test

to see if i can blog from my email acct.

4 hrs til work...

who wants to shoot me?

So I am mailing this package to my sister for her birthday today and i decide she needs a little jen art in her world....now keep in mind...i dont expect her to hang it anywhere or anything or i wouldnt give it to her...but since there is already a SpiderPig (simpsons movie)...I decided to make: (now say this like the Black Sabbath song IRONMAN only say I AM DEVIL PIG....Lovely isnt he? Surrounded by hellfire and adorned with a pitchfork and devil horns...and at the same time he is fairly friendly, saying HI. But u can not look at it without saying (in your head or not) in the IRONMAN song voice I AM DEVIL PIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. Thats the rule.
I predict it will be placed directly in her sock drawer hahaha

I have a shrink appt tomorrow. This will be the last...its a waste of time and it pisses me off to spend 20.00 in cab fare getting there and back and there is no real point to it.

I have cramps that could kill a llama today. Should make me super cheery at work.

Ayla tied the cat into a bag and ran around calling it a FETUS....I can see why she called it that...she didn't even try to escape.

Poor cat...it will need therapy by the time its a year old.

I think the cats birthday is July 1st...at least thats what im saying it is...

No I wont be making my cat a birthday cake.

the clarity of thought

That's what i liked about prozac...I didn't think. Thinking has always been my downfall, no im not saying im too smart, im saying i over think things but never the right things or the right way.

Today has been a thinking sort of day.
Made some decisions.
Lets see where it all goes.

Aunty Pam's work is sending her and her co-workers on a zip lining adventure, during work hours...imagine getting paid for zip lining fun? Great score!
I wonder where my work would send us all to relax and have fun? Oh, thats right, work is already double the fun (ha ha ha).



I gave the cat some cat nip yesterday. It was truly hilarious. She sniffed it...and rolled around in it...and got all twitchy and wacky for a bit. It made her so tense all her claws were hardcore jacked into the area rug and she couldn't un-tense herself to get away from the carpet hahaha Then she would go back to the area even after i vacuumed and would sniffle around, roll in the spot...its like it rendered her back legs paralyzed, she would lay on the spot and drag herself around with her front paws. Great fun! Ok im simply amused.

I think im going to bed early tonight....

Bummer

that the Thinsation snacks are so good b/c 100 calories a packet is great if u just eat ONE...

I lit a candle for Fin today...he was born to my friends Jerri and Zed 8 yrs ago but he never took his first breath...
I often wonder how different their lives would be had he been born and taken that breath...I can honestly say that was one of the saddest things I have ever seen or been a part of...there is nothing more heartbreaking than seeing 2 of your best friends broken over such a loss...I remember walking in and seeing Jerri asleep, Fin was on her chest...her breathing made it look like he was breathing...he was a perfect baby...I immediately felt horrified that Jerri would wake up and not know what happened...
I chose not to hold him...I felt his foot and it was cold...and kept rubbing it but...it was not going to warm up...I did not want to hold him and have that body memory of a cold baby.
I am impatiently waiting for Jerri to have a bun in the oven again...it would be a terrible waste of parenting if the 2 of them did not have a child to mold into an interesting human being. You know the type of ppl I am talking about...the ones you know would be brilliant parents...

Everyone send Jerri's eggs and Zed's swimmers good vibes...they gotta meet up and get multiplying before Jerri's eggs get old and shriveled!!!

Anyway...I hope the 2 of them are okay today...whatever they are doing.

I Love Frogs. The End.

to add to my xmas tree decoration collections i am now collecting frogs 4 the tree as well.

it's a bird....it's a plane...no it's a ....

It's a mama jelly fish with babies!!!!!!!

There Adele...see what you have started...now i am out to paint the weirdest shit of all time...im actually gunna glue bog googlie eyes to the mama and little ones on the babies...yeah i know jelly fish have no eyes in real life...screw off.

Went and saw Indiana Jones today, it was entertaining enough, Harrison Ford was good as usual but the effects were kinda gay...
After that we went to pet/puppy mill store and wet ourselves over the chihuahua pups and kittens...I went in there mainly to see the prehistoric squished frogs they had in there but they are all gone now *pout* but the tree frogs were cool...and the humping lizards.
Then, since it was right next door, we went to the ADULT store next door. Miles and miles of porn...midget porn, guy on guy porn, girl on girl porn, girls with weener porn, and other assorted goodies...the sex toy section was great too...rubber vaginas, plug in vaginas, dildos bigger than a man should ever be, a rubber fist like in BORAT (hahahaha)...on and on it went....
Then I came home and BBQ's steaks...Ayla didnt show up to eat but Shawn did so we dined on BBQ steak and brown rice with beans and corn and salad.
Now all i smell is the nutella toast Ayla just made and i want a chocolate bar now. grr

Romantic, Scenic Cat Photos and other random shyte

the cat now makes it entertaining to have a fly buzzing around your living room, the cat goes wild, and starts acting liek a wild bush kitty...clacking her jaw, and twitching, jumping 4 feet in the air and try to chomp on the fly...I tried to get some air born shots but...

Welcome Back to the Darkness My Pretties

I couldn't take the brightness of the old template...

Today Shawn and I were out in the hotness (fuck I hate summer, have i told you all that b4?), doing a bit of running around...
I hooked myself up with a table top easel that was cheap as hell so im rather pleased with myself.

8 UNBITTEN FINGERNAILS!!!! wooooohooooo I fucking rule.

I was in THE DOLLAR GIANT today and I gotta say ppl are friggin creepy. There were these 2 women with their ugly weird kids and they were always in the aisle I was in so I tried to skip and aisle and it didn't work cuz they were right there in a millisecond. The mothers were the kind that you want to hit over the head with a cast iron frying pan. I cant really explain it but between that annoyance and the annoying shrieking children pissing me off I couldn't get outta there fast enough...
Is it just me and my shitty disposition or do you guys find yourselves wanting to box the ears of complete strangers?

And what is it with these ppl who LIE in order to sound like they aren't boring fucking frauds at life. I remember Guy had a friend, we will call him Ken, who used to tell all sorts of stories, like he was a government agent and shit...he didn't let up either, he stuck to it and various other bs stories he would make up.
I dated one of them too...he would make up these grandiose stories, FOR NO GOOD REASON, and keep taking them one level higher on the INSANE scale until there was nowhere else to go.

It is interesting, the mind of the people.
I can be completely full of shit too, its a survival skill...but I think for the most part im pretty candid and upfront about my shit and such.
I wonder if really severely fucked up ppl have any idea how wrecked they are?

Today...

...I saw a midget running for the bus...running really fast actually. It scared me a little.

...I embarrassed myself slightly when a man came up to me claiming his name was Jennifer and I called bullshit and he whipped out his ID and sure enough his name was fucking Jenifer with 1 N. he is from the Philippines....I can honestly say I didn't think I would ever meet a guy name Jenifer who wasn't in TRANSITION haha

...I wore the itchiest mother fucking shirt in all the universe and wanted to light myself on fire all day.

...I talked to a guy who works in a local restaurant who was livid about his place of employment laying off current staff to hire some Philippino Immigrants who are here to work for 1 year and the govt matches their wage so the rest. only has to pay them 8.00 an hour and theyre making 16.00 for the first year. This guy is losing his mind over this. What do u guys think of that? I mean, ultimately, if there are an excess of jobs and they can't be filled by locals is it cool they ship ppl in from elsewhere?

...I did 4 loads of laundry b4 work, watched my gay soap opera, talked with my aunty Cathy, cleaned the litter box (by far my most favorite task) and managed to get to work on time and wear an itchy fucking shirt.

...I got a boner thinking about tomorrow being my last day of work and then i get 3 GLORIOUS days off...and no one better get sick or do some damn shit to fuck it up at work of I may go postal. ...I got extremely pissed off at the newbie and really asserted my managerial clout...she lost 2.5 months of chq cashing privileges and is probably now the most untrustworthy person I have worked with it quite some time. She pulled a really sneaky fucktard thing and it will likely follow her as long as she is with the company. Idiot. It makes all the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

...I got Maggie and David's wedding invite. (good job Mags, they were pretty) I wish the rest of the family would move out of PR, I have grown to detest the trip up Island to get there. It is such a frigging ordeal...unless you get chauffeured the train/bus/ferry sucks butt hole. It will be a fucking miracle if i can get that time off without having to give up a damn kidney...unless of course I have a new job by then and it won't be like asking for something completely out of the realm of possibility.

...I also received Ayla's passport in the mail. WOOHOO! Thank gawd that is out of the way. Now it is just all about finding a ride to the airport the day she leaves...that shouldn't be TOO difficult.

...I realized the impending Matt Good full band tour is at the end of next month...THAT'S NOT THAT FAR AWAY ANYMORE! Yay! I have been listening to Hospital Music non stop lately... ...I need to go to bed at a decent time cuz last night I couldn't sleep and was up til 230 doing retarded shit like sorting laundry and laughing my ass off at Craig Ferguson...omfg that guy KILLS me...I have been staying up just to watch him all week. I think I wish to marry him. Someone please let him know so he can get here on the next flight.

...I am gunna go to bed now...carry on.

50% ~ Today it is finally GOOD to get 50%

Gawd dammit I love it when I go shopping and scratch 50% off tickets and then go on to save 150.00 WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO gawd dammit i love that shit.

Looks like that Ryan McMahon article of mine if finally getting printed in BC Musician Magazine shortly...woot woot!
If it gets him a little more attention it is a good thing so...yeah...

Donna and I hung out this morning....both ranting about our discontent with work and life...whoever thinks being a grown up is fun is a misinformed idiot.

My cat just bit my toe.

So I am all hitched up with the primer I need to paint over the canvas that i fuck up on...also got some paint thinner to dabble with oil paints...now i just need to grab an easel and im gunna go nuts.

8 non jagged/unbitten nails....

Ayla hates me this week.
It pains her to be nice to me..and when I call her on it she wanks off about how I am over reacting and there is nothing wrong with her at all. ha ha ha
The oddest part is...shes only nice when she wants something and when I call her on that shes all offended like its SOOOOO unreasonable of me to think that...only ITS FRIGGIN TRUE.
Teenagers are satanic.

ohhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhh

wtf is celebrity rehab?

I can not believe that is a real fucking show...i have heard reference to it but I thought it was a joke...but upon clicking today I stopped on it bc its the dude from Taxi/Grease on there all decrepit and ill...
Once i figured out what it was I got outta there lickity split...
This reality tv shit is just retarded.
It is like the whole world flushed their integrity down the shitter.

This book im reading is freaking me the fuck out...I dont really care for scary books...I read enough true crime and Stephen King as a young reader, don't really feel the need to revisit...but my land lady INSISTED I read this book....I'm half way through now and I spent last night actually PARANOID...I was reading at midnight...the wind of course was blowing and I kept hearing noises and shit and I got myself right spastic...Ayla wasn't home so I was the prime candidate to be murdered you know hahaha
The book (The Ruins) is not going to be finished by me... I just read the wikipedia thing on it and im returning it and saving myself the anxiety haha chicken shit.

I just installed Firefox.
Jury is still out.
I have the ZLOB TROJAN! yay!!!!!! now I just have to get fucking rid of it...none of the free cleaners are getting it...and I'm not really keen on purchasing a key for one for 30 bucks...
So I think ill back my shit up and reinstall the operating system and just be done with it.

Well - thank gawd ms adele told me about priming over canvas ive ruined with painting attempts...cuz this one i did today looks fucking retarded and I didnt wanna waste the canvas. ha ha ha
And no im not posting a picture of it...its that gay.

I am hungry.
Not biting your nails is hard work you know!

The Church of Alan Cross

how do u spell sloth?

J_E_N_N_I_F_E_R

ooooh yeah yesterday it was just me and Mike Holmes most of the day...

it was so hot yesterday in here i seriously just sat in front of the fan waiting for dark so it would cool off.

I'm so fucking irritated...my computer is full of Trojans and shit and i can NOT find anything that will remove them...UNLESS there really isn't Trojans and this other gay fucking thing was just trying to get me to BUY there software...hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
what do u guys use to deal with this crap?

I work this afternoon and the perk is that i get AC all day and by the time I'm done at 930 it'll be nice and cool out...Muhahahhahahahaha
one day in the sun and Ayla looks like most ppl try to look at the end of summer. Jerk.

The birds are conspiring to drive the cat insane...not only is there a nest up in the eaves above our apartment (I like the chirping noises and watching the mom make 8347589347583 trips to feed her babies...and how they are quiet when she leaves but then go mad when she comes back with something haha) but now I see the birds land on the patio rail and the cat is just beside herself with spastic confusion...shes scared of course for the most part, she usually burns rubber inside but always watches fascinated...and every so often half ass chases something...I wait for her to zing through the rails and hit the dirt. Ouch. For that reason I am gunna be putting up netting.
And after yesterday I most certainly need to get some bamboo blinds for the patio as well...cocoon myself away from the light and vitamin d. muhahahahhaha too bad i wasn't as interesting as a vampire.

It cracks me up that Fred Durst is such a hated rock guy...I dunno why it cracks me up so bad but it does...(yes Arika, I am listening to the sunday ritual of Alan Cross' Ongoing History of New Music)
he did it all for the nookie you know...sheesh hahaha

12 Noon & 21 Degrees

Excess Baggage is on.

Benicio Del Toro is weirdly hot in this...

its dead air today....the wind better pick up.

so in honor of this warm day im gunna clean my house and putter about.

my days off are SOOOOO filled with stunning activity it is truly amazing.

there is a fly in the house and the cat is jumping at it wildly and its better than any movie or tv show.

i have an ex of mine facebooking me trying to shmooze me and its quite gross...i dont care how desperate/horny/needy/stupid i may ever be i wouldnt fall for that bait under any circumstances. barf

im gunna shower and see if that perks me up...

and u know what else bugs me....

movie stores with no late charges...yeah I get it...they are making it the most convenient they can for lazy fuck consumers...but u know what its teaching my kid...that bc there are no late charges the movie can sit on her bedroom floor for a week...LATE...with no consequence until *I* notice and light her on fire.



fuckin fuck

a random extravaganza of nothing

it was hot out today...and it struck me that once again summer is nearly here and I did not get skinny AGAIN over winter.

fuck

this butt shot is for Guy's enjoyment

I used to work here one summer...it was the most miserable summer -1989- i was drunk and on acid the whole summer bc in lake louise there is nothing else to do.

Sadly i was too fucked up to remember anyones name so i cant stalk them on facebook.

sighhhh...

Homer has the right idea...rather than me stressing about summer weather attire ill just get a few mumu's and look like a clone of my mother.

I would not eat eye balls...even fried.

Another shot for Guy. (He is fond of girl's bums)

i swear to gawd this is me all summer at home...in front of a fan

a little gay porn to mix shit up