hmmmm

if god or some other imaginary force struck down all the assholes in the world how many ppl do you think would be left?

just curious...

i definitely got my quota of ASSHOLES today, actually all it took was one super asshole the 1st 5 mins i arrived to get the day going in a shit direction.

tomorrow is march! wow! feb flew by...tomorrow i get to start training the new person...oh yes im oh so excited about that...

HOLD ME BACK!

pffft

HALF NELSON was an interesting movie....I liked it...and not just cuz i think Ryan Gosling is the cat's pyjamas!
Was just an interesting look at life and the reality of it for ppl...I liked how the ending wasnt a Disney ending.

STRANGER THAN FICTION was ok...not quite as funny as I thought it would be though.

I have to go to work now.
My hair feels really short...I feel like I have a pixie cut ha ha ha only I dont.

WORD OF ADVICE: pay your taxes!

theory of a dead nickelcreed (thanks kelly)

my dreams have recently taken a turn for the even more demented...

the other night I had a disturbing one about getting it on with a friends dead husband, completely betraying her (hes dead in real life but in the dream he was alive, just to clarify the weirdness) and i woke up feeling the most disgusting guilt ever...

then last night i was married to chad fucking kroeger of all rock stars on the planet...i was thinner with black hair (weird!) and he married me b4 we ever slept together so i spent the whole dream waiting to screw him while he and his drummer did archery using knitting needles instead of arrows....WTF.

that will teach me 4 flicking through much music b4 bed and seeing their (nickelfuck) amnesty international type video...

all i could think of was now they can claim they're *deep* and matt good couldn't slander them so much...

I'm afraid he still can, sorry guys.

today i put the word out for no one to call me at home unless it was a level 5 emergency...after my raging yesterday i need a quiet NON WORK day...so I'm going to get a fucking haircut cuz i cant stand myself...my irritation level is through the fucking roof so if i can eliminate ONE factor of irritation I'm doing it.

the fucking englishman called me at work yesterday and then came in and did his taxes....this is what put me over the fucking edge yesterday (I'm saying fuck a lot, just so u know I'm conscious of it)...can i never be rid of the twat? am i doomed to forever have to hear from him and see him under the guise of *doing business*?? lesson learned...i will never philander with a person who uses my store as a place of business... EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

i have now launched into full on hate mode and if he calls me at home again I'm going to completely fucking freak out at him to ensure he will never contact me at home or work...its tricky at work bc i cant do shit all so long as hes inquiring about a SERVICE we provide...

"No I'm sorry, we don't fuck our customers anymore, we have discontinued that service due to lack of interest on the part of our employees so if you would kindly go fuck off and die and bore someone else to death we would appreciate it."

gawd i should be a technical writer for our company!

So yeah today is hair cut...grocery shopping and other such odds and ends.

I am determined to buy those foil stove inserts 4 my burners...I could tin foil em but...i wanna try these....

omfg....leonard...be still my beating heart....you looked so hot at the oscars i thought i might piss in my PJs...talk about growing into ones self...my gawd....

(omfg I'm an old perverted lady now)

Crash....Oh My!

ok last night, late is see CRASH is on TV...im thinking cool, havent seen that yet, so i turn it on...James Spader...cool...im wondering when Matt Dillon's gunna pop up in it...I mean it won an oscar last year so im thinking its gunna be a good movie....

so the movie gets WEIRDER and fucking WEIRDER....theres so much sex in it im amazed it won an oscar....

then it gets FREAKY DEAKY...ppl getting off on car crashes and disfigurment...

anyway so im thinking about it all night cuz its just fucking ODD....I google it and OHHHHH LOOK there are 2 CRASH movies....2004 and 1996

CRASH 1996:

Since a road accident left him with serious facial and bodily scarring, a former 'TV scientist' has become obsessed by the marriage of motor car technology with what he sees as the 'raw sexuality' of car-crash victims. The scientist, along with a crash victim he has recently befriended, sets about performing a series of sexual acts in a variety of motor vehicles, either with other crash victims or with prostitutes who they contort into the shape of trapped-corpses. Ultimately, the scientist craves a suicidal union of blood, semen and engine coolant, a union with which he becomes dangerously obsessed.

CRASH 2004:

Several stories interweave during two days in Los Angeles involving a collection of inter-related characters, a police detective with a drugged out mother and a thieving younger brother, two car thieves who are constantly theorizing on society and race, the white district attorney and his irritated and pampered wife, a racist white veteran cop (caring for a sick father at home) who disgusts his more idealistic younger partner, a successful Hollywood director and his wife who must deal with the racist cop, a Persian-immigrant father who buys a gun to protect his shop, a Hispanic locksmith and his young daughter who is afraid of bullets, and more.

YEAH, LITTLE BIT O' CONTENT DIFFERENCE HAHAHAHA

So yeah that was kinda funny...im watching this movie thinking WOOOHOO Oscar gone kinkdillly-ishus!

Shut Up & Sing To Me Leo!

Went and saw The Number 23 today...was interesting...I have a little OCD where #'s are concerned so I thought i would find it interesting...

There was this part where a body hits the pavement from a 3rd story window and someone in the theatre yelled GAWD DAMMIT bc it scared the shit out of him...that was the best part of the movie haha

I watched THE DEPARTED last night with a friend...omfg Leonardo, arent u just growing up and looking like a man! I have always been a Leo fan...no one plays a retard like Leo...OMG I LOVE YOU LEONARDO!!!!! (oh yeah and Marky Mark you fucking rule)

I have now just watched SHUT UP & SING...gawd that whole thing was so fucking insane...which is why I smiled so broadly when the DC's won all 5 Grammys they were nominated for. Fuck you redneck shits and fuck you chickenshit country radio...oh yeah and fuck you Toby Keith...hahah i love saying fuck you....fuck you George Bush....fuck you Paris Hilton...fuck you Stephen Harper...fuck you Gordon Campbell...fuck you Cher...fuck you Donald Trump...and fuck you too!

Theraputic!

So yeah its been quite the movie weekend.

Ive booked my holidays for April 3rd...being away from work for a week will be great bc ill be out of town and completely UNreachable. Ohhhh the bliss.

Im ditching the Bettie Page book...I just can not make myself finish it...im tempted to rip all the pictures out to make it worth even buying and then turfing it...

a poorly written book is blasphemy...and this coming from a person not even highly educated...if i can tell its poorly written then fuck yeah it must be bad.

I am not sure what I will read next...I have a stack of possibilities though so im not too worried...and whatever I choose is sure to be better than the last piece of crap.

At www.matthewgood.org there is a good post about the effects the 2010 Olympics will have on the non-wealthy ppl of vancouver, most specifically the poor...like when expo 86 rolled into town and the rents sky rocketed and social problems were hidden away for the good of tourism. It really is rather disgusting that none of that $ will be rerouted into any social programs. It was clear by some of the comments left that the ol GET A JOB OR DIE attitude is alive and well in the hearts of many.

I just dont think its so simple...I see ppl who appear capable of working cashing welfare chqs every day...it can be disheartening but most of the ppl I see cashing WF chqs are legit folks who arent trying to fuck anyone over.

And a lot are clearly not workforce material, whatever the reasons...maybe i over identify with fucked up, down and out ppl, i dunno but...have at it...the $ spent on gov't waste and sending the military to Iraq pisses me off far far far more than anyone on welfare double dipping.

I watched a show about contact lens' today...BARF! I can not touch my eyeballs...I will wear glasses my whole life.

Fall on your Ass Friday

SURVIVOR is kinda gay this season...I know I know u all think its gal every season...but...

I will say I thooughly enjoyed watching them all FALL HARD ON THEIR ASSES last night in the slippery slide challenge... ha ha hahahahahah I was yelling and screaming and Ayla kept telling me to shut up...it was like i was watching a hockey game or something. Dork.

Guy, you will be happy to know my strip club injury has now stopped festering and I dont seem to be suffering from lockjaw (although im sure there are ppl at work that wish i couldnt talk)...

I have to go to work.

i need extra mascara today to get me through the Friday rough patches, that and the bottle of vodka Mary left here last weekend.

i went to school in olympia...ok not really, but i did have sex there

im am freezing cold.

im getting sick.

my lips get this weird smoothness going on when im sick.

im also getting stuffy.

yay.

i could use some cold medication coma sleep right now anyway ...im hoping it wont go full blown cuz i hate being a snot factory.

i was thinking today i seem to have lost a few friends recently...it makes me wonder about myself...in regards to being judgemental.
now, while i did send connie a letter for her birthday, explaining i loved her but i was so mad at her for making self destructive decisions that i wasnt quite able to let it go enough to *pretend* i was fine with it all, i never heard from her after that and likely wont by the looks of it.

im not in a place in my life where i feel the need to chase ppl around for friendship....regardless of how much i love them, miss them and all that good shit...gawd knows im not famous for treating myself right so its kind of fucked up of me im sure but u know...i might treat myself like shit but i dont let other ppl (kid not included, im not allowed to kill her) treat me like shit... and i guess thats just something i cant wrap my head around...

id rather be alone than be with someone i dont trust to do right by me.

it seems so simple...yet...for some it is apparently not.

so yeah i guess im a judgemental fuck....ask me if im losing any sleep over it?

i need a haircut...why i dunno...its so long now it just lays there, like a pile o' hair (haha)

i could experiment and see how long i can grow it...like i do with my pit hair sometimes, see how long i can grow it til i cant stand it anymore...and ruin a brand new razor mowing it all down...

see, if your were single like me u could have FUN with things like this too!!!! gawd yes im the poster child 4 encouraging women to be single in their 30's HA ha HA ha HA

i had the weirdest customer today...stomps in...signs his chq...turns sideways and doesnt face me and wouldnt make eye contact, but spoke VERY loud, like a robot...

"I AM CHANGING MY LAST NAME TO FLETCHER, NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH PERRY, AS IT IS A PERFECTLY FINE AND FUNCTIONAL NAME BUT FROM NOW ON IT IS FLETCHER"

ME: OAKEEDOKEE (im thinking whatever freak...but i dont dare ask for ID cuz he will lose it)

HIM: AND I WILL ALSO NOT BE USING YOUR SERVICES AGAIN AFTER THIS, NOTHING PERSONAL I JUST WONT BE NEEDING TO UTILIZE THEM, THIS IS A PERFECTLY FINE PLACE, DONT GET ME WRONG...

(he is still standing sideways to me and not looking at me....and talking so loud the whole lobby has stopped what they are doing bc hes talking in a mad voice only he isnt mad)

I count his money to him, he wont look at me still...and before he goes he tells me

"THANK YOU VERY MUCH, PLZ CHANGE MY NAME TO FLETCHER IN THE COMPUTER AND CLOSE MY ACCT, AS I SAID I WONT BE BACK AGAIN, SEE U NEXT MONTH"

HAHHAHAHAHAHA

jesus fuck i was horrified if i started to laugh he would shape shift through the glass and beat me to death.

I did win the ODDEST CUSTOMER OF THE DAY prize though!

Pete, I would have made out with you in 1985

EDIT: hey all my Pete Burns pics are fucked???! Weird

Pete Burns, what were u thinking? When Dead or Alive was at the height of their one hit wonderness I really loved the spin song, I had the 45 and everything and thought he was excessively good looking (I was a horny teenager), I still think looking at his old self he was yummy but then...something happened...he decided to be a fucking girl or just mutilate himself with lip operations and other plastic surgery...

Looking for these pics I came across an article where hes suing the Dr who botched his lips...but jesus christ...doesnt personal responsibility come into play here...?

Anyway.... enjoy this b4 and after display...it should turn you right off your brekkie.

Wanna hear something funny??? Guess who is LOOTING all *MY* cds these days??

Thats right...MY KID is looting her fat, uncool moms cd collection...raiding all the Fiona Apple, Hole, and other such cds....

This makes me laugh inside bc shes been telling me for years my music sucks ass...although u can always catch her knowing all the words when its on...and now....MUHAHAHAHAHAHHAA

Shit..I still know all the words to every Crystal Gayle song I hear, thanks mom.

I am SOOOOOO not in the mood to interview ppl today...I wanna ask them shit like "Are u even planning to show up for training or do u plan to take a different job and fucking us over?"

or "Do u have the fortitude and GUTS to do this job, cuz this job isnt for pussys, we dont want any wimp ass motherfuckers working here who will quit when it gets a little rough????"

Although im quite sure im not allowed to ask those questions. I am so stifled.

For breakfast ive been eating the things from V is for Vendetta...u know the egg in the middle of the toast thing, bird nest or whatever... they are actually good....although im sure im making them wrong.

Britney's bald head looks good for a bald head I think...not many ppl can pull that off, especially girls...

Do I think it was a genuine FUCK YOU statement to the masses, maybe...but it is more likely something to make everyone stop talking about her leaving rehab...like THAT is so fucking original or something...? Jesus... I dont understand...shes having a life crisis clearly...but shes got MILLIONS of dollars...move to fucking Tibet and chill the fuck out sister. If she lives in the middle of fucking no where and doesnt tell anyone the media aint gunna find her, so long as she doesnt wanna be found....

I dont get it...I cant stand stupid girls.

OMG check out my new favorite song of the moment:

*GRACE KELLY* by Mika....

DL that sucker....it's so gay I love it.

Ok I better go get mentally prepared for my forced socialization today....

BORINGGGGGG (say that like Sid Vicious did in Sid & Nancy)

**click on the stick man, he does cool stuff with his head**

How do you do it...? All you ppl who get off work and are able to not think about work again until u arrive the next day? HOW?

I need to master this quickly...im heading for mental burnout...and im starting to think a pay cut for a less stressful job might be worth it...but then again i think a less stressful job would be stressful anyway bc im a fucking spazz...

It has occured to me recently that im fucking boring...

I used to be a lot more interesting as a human being...now im in this stagnant zone where I work and it wastes me so that after work i am pretty much useless...

and when I am home I hardly wanna be b/c my kid treats me like I have ebola...and I cant help but take it personally bc im so fucking tired and spazzed out from work that I go off the deep end over stupid shit and then get to thinking I have the most useless life EVER and im wasting it being a *coaster*....coasting along, day to day...futureless and BORINGGGGGGGGG there is nothing fucking worse than being a gawd damn BORE. Ive never been much of a planner...the future is always so uncertain...retirement 4 example...

it doesnt occur to me 2 plan 4 that b/c im likely gunna be dead...and id rather have the $$$ now.Im so simple.

Anyway...thats my personal pity party these days...I hate my fucking job...my kid is driving me insane and IM FUCKING BORINGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!

I have go to do something about that...b/c I can deal with being a fucked up, depressed, headcase but BORING is just not something I can tolerate.

I have had company the last 2 weekends...and omfg I felt like the most BORING DRONE...I couldnt think of anything remotely interesting to talk about...didnt feel like i was myself at all...

thou shalt not miss a chance to torture thy child

things we can do today...mom and daughter...full of love and light:

1- go shopping for mechanical pencils

2- go see the new GREECE imax flick

3- go see a gay waste of money movie in hopes her friends will see her out with her fat/uncool mom

4- go volunteer at a church

5- picnic @ the park

oh the possibilities are endless, its all about how effective i can be with coercing/convincing/blackmailing her to participate...sometimes i lose the fight in my heart and its easier to let her sit in her room sulking...then I get some peace out of the deal...other times...he he he its just too good to not torture her.

HAPPY BARFDAY MZ BUFFY on FEB 15 (yeah i suck)...

fuck...i saw Ayla's old babysitter yesterday...it filled me with hate and malicious feelings...

shes managed to spit out another kid...im sure that tops off her welfare chq beautifully each month...

i was a little surprised at how i still harbored such ill will twd her...then again...wtf else is new...

sometimes years will go by and ill see someone i havent see in yrs or thought of even and all ill remember is they did something so that i hate them and even if i cant remember what i go with the emotion attached and carry it on hahaha hahahha

TSIF!

do u ever feel like sometimes u have mange on your head?

haaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

i have 2 days off now.
i am in heaven...
esp b/c Ayla is grounded and im making her hang with me all weekend long MUAHHAHA HAHAHAH HAHAHA HAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHHAHA

No, I am not a lesbo

I'm not...I like boys...it is a curse but its true.

I like penis, but only if I like who is attached to it b/c truthfully, they all look silly...as do clams in general so its a genderless thing...

I like to look at girls but the thought of making out with one...doesnt stir my loins into a frenzy
at all...in fact the thought of necking with a girl weirds me the fuck out...but I like watching 2 cute boys make out...Ohhh yeahhhhhh

not that theres anything wrong with liking girls if u are a girl...i just dont.

The End

she dreams in red...

2 more days til the weekend...

I have one of those toxic, underground, small but unbelievably painful zits under my nose right now... it makes me want to cut it off...it wont go away or become destructible so there it sits...

mocking me...

MOCKING ME I SAY!!!!!!

someone said i was full of shit today bc i think ppl IN GENERAL don't want to be alone...lemme quote it:

Jennzebel, I don’t wish to be an ass, but the only thing that’s full of shit is your sweeping generalization that no one wants to be alone. Even if it’s just hyperbole, it’s terribly arrogant, dismissive, and unjustifiably judgemental.

I am not sure why my thinking that in general most ppl don't want to be alone and ppl who say they do are full of shit and/or in denial warranted such a response but...it is interesting if nothing else.

I ~personally~ think that even the most fucked up ppl want to be loved and seek it in a variety of ways...healthy or otherwise...

We are all entitled to our own opinion of course...but I do think as humans we prefer companionship...be it sexual...long term, short term, whatever...

Shit...I don't want to be married but holy shit if I ever met someone I didn't detest after 6 months who turned out to be amazing that may test my assertion on living with someone...as it stands the thought repulses me but that's only bc 36 yrs into this life ive yet to meet anyone id care to share a home with...

I lived with a guy for 30 days once...*shiver*

Today Cynthia at work gave everyone valentine treats: Nipple Nibbler~ woooohooooooo

if only I could comfortably reach my own nipples....

Anyway...I am interviewing 2 ppl this week...I am hoping ONE will be a keeper so come March we can start training and have her functional by April so I can take a trip up to that throbbing metropolis of Powell River to do some visiting....

I am off to bed...I have go to finish reading the lousy Bettie Page book im half way through so i can start something a little more well written....

AS IF...

O-M-F-G

I GOT MY RAG ON

VALENTINES DAY

Happy Valentine's Day Fuckers!

Note: Valentine's Day is on Hump Day this year...

HOW IRONIC MuHAHAHAHAHAHA

Death ~ Valenspew ~ Screwed (and not in a good way)

If i die of tetanus or hep or some other nasty scum bag bar disease please sue Monty's Strip Club.
I sat on a chair that had a screw sticking out of it and jabbed myself, turns out it went through my jeans and drew blood so if I am infected with some pervert bar illness...SUE!

Lots of death in the air these days...a week or so ago a local man was shot and killed by Victoria police. I knew who he was, he lived in the hood here, I always felt sorry for his son. He used to follow his dad around like a puppy, bring penny rolls into work and change them for "real money" to buy slushies....seemingly oblivious to the fact his dad had some real issues going on with drugs and gawd knows what else.
Turns out this guy had a bunch of kids, and he had custody of all of them...makes u wonder wtf state their mothers were in if HE had custody b/c he never looked like he was doing well.
Anyway...now I wonder if this little boy (he is 11 now) will turn out better or worse w/o his dad around. I wonder if the ppl around his are going to turn him into a cop hater b/c his dad was murdered by the police.
Personally...if you steal a car and had a known rap sheet as long as both arms and choose not to stop when the cops ask u to....and then try to run cops over i think that's a pretty valid reason to start shooting...but that's just me.
Then an old friend of mine from school, her husband died...OD'd...leaving her with 2 kids, no money, nothing but a mindfuck and broken heart.
Gal at works cousin just died...
Don't forget Anna Nicole!
Christ...that's just in my limited little circle in the world in a few days.

Always gets me thinking about what it ll be like when I'm dead...not that ill care of course cuz ill be dead...
I'm sure if i had a funeral (which i wont bc anyone who knows and loves me would NEVER plan such a blasphemous event) they'd play gay music like KC and the Sunshine Band, and decorate the place with pink roses and purple balloons...
ok not really but...i don't like funerals...i don't do em.
After my brothers and all that hypocrisy I don't think ill stomach another one...my family isn't a FUNERAL kind of family...we just don't do that shit...we are too sensible...we just have ppl over and eat food and talk...
I thought it was weird when i was younger, like it was an issue of "CLASS" but now that Ive been to a funeral and feel they cant possibly represent a person as you knew them when there are so many different perceptions about them from the planners (toss in the religion factor and your hooped) I just don't feel the need to attend...I can do my own thing and get what I need from it.

How morbid...you're very welcome.

Tomorrow is Valenfuck's Day...thank gawd 4 hallmark or we wouldn't have the pleasure of enduring all these useless, meaningless occasions...
I made little candy bags 4 the gals at work....and a big one 4 Ayla with a BEEEE MINE card that will surely make her vomit its so cheesie. I participated b/c i bought that BEEEE MINE card 2 yrs ago and forgot the last 2 yrs to give it to her....only 2 yrs ago she still liked me so now I'm giving it to her just to make her eyes roll.

Yesterday

Donna and Guy came down from Whiskey Creek yesterday! WooHoo

We trolled for hookers, went to a strip bar, went up to Mount Douglas and looked for gay hook ups, went to this little airport family cemetery that had the COOLEST tree in it (see below)...all in all a good time!

excuse me, do you have any gray POUPON?

As IF I was up at 7 am like a friggin work day....

Either way I have reorganized my bathroom, vacuumed and all that crap by 9 am (I am sure the neighbors LOVED the hum of my vacuum this morning)...

Some gay TV show is on about pissy travelling ppl who are too BIG for 1 seat so they are made to buy 2...or ppl with turtles demanding they be able to take turtles on a flight...wtf??
NOTE TO SELF: dont ever work 4 an airline as a customer service person, its too similar to what i do now.
NOTE TO SELF #2: don't fly until u drop 100 lbs.
Ppl get right heated about money.

Yesterday I spent a very long and agonizing 15 mins trying to explain to some mentally compromised person that JUST b/c u get your taxes done you do not get your GST Refund back in one chunk inc. in your tax refund, it is spread out over the following year in quarterly installments...."Oooooo no no no I get it all back at once"...im thinking wtf planet do u fucking live on that you get to be the only fucking canadian that gets GST credit once a year, all at once...Fuck off.

Oh now there is a drunk guy trying to board a plane...and now a passenger with bad BO....this show is GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Anyhoo....Guy was up late fighting repugnican christian fascist idiots til 330 am so he is coming at noon rather than 10 am....yeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

There is a great need for me to grocery shop today...gawd forbid we are out of cheese and Ayla will certainly STARVE to death w/o cheese in the fridge...

....gurgle...gurgle....

too...tired...to post....properly....

- tomorrow Guy is coming to visit...he is gunna wheel chair me around

- remember that mr sissy pants asshole i was telling you about the other day? he he he he was supposed to be in to pay off his debt but i think hes scared of me cuz i looked up and saw him peeking in the store through the window and when i saw him he split....and never came in and paid MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

- im so tired i could have sex with someone gross right now cuz id be too weak to punch him in the face

- R.I.P. Jack...and John S...and even Anna Nicole...she was a freak but...she was just damaged like the rest of us...

- Happy 24th Birthday tomorrow Sara

- must go eat rice now...

Random

are you lookin' at my....belllllay? (i love the shaw commercials right now)

this day is shaping up to be a crap one...

isnt perspective fabulous though? it can always be worse...and usually is for a lot of ppl out there...so im not whining today.

im gunna leave work early today i think and go to a dept store with hore cards and just hand them out like candy to get ppl in the door since my most recent new hire called at 8 am this morning to say he took another job and wont be taking this one, which he was to start at 10 am.

*insert maniacal laughter here* twitch twitch

guy is coming on saturday...i will get him to drag me out in the wild so i can chill the fuck out a little i think...ive been going around all week with my jaw clenched, im pms'ing on top of it all & just need a little break from reality...so he can take me birding and dazzle me with his wealth of knowledge about nature and i can tell myself that im smart too, just about things no one cares about and that dont matter like Rick Springfield, breastfeeding and the like.

My oatmeal gave me heartburn this morning. Rude.