insert spinal rod here please....

spatula...interesting tool...i dont care 4 them for baking so much but using a long handled one to smear arctic ice goop on your back is the cats meow...

im extra gibbled today...

on the upside...IM NOT DEAD!

dude, where's my crack pipe?

just waiting 4 the drugs to kick in so i can go back to sleep - yes its 5 am on my day off...i woke up at 4 and had i been half as smart as i seem to think i am i would have clued in to drug up right away but instead i writhed around in a semi coma thinking id just fall back asleep hahahaha duh

today i go bankrupt.
i already paid yesterday, today i sign the papers.
i feel like a tool but...its one of those things...if i dont do it now ill be in NO position to do dick all 4 my kid when it comes time for her to go to university and get smarter than her mom (although she thinks shes already smarter than me but i just hold back is all hahahah) ~ turns out even the 9 mth timeline ill have more $ then i did before so itll be interesting to adapth back to my non creditcard former self...im looking fwd to it...im determined to make some good positive changes etc so itll be interesting.
Sprog is currently begging me for some KED shoes....they look uncomfortable to me but wtf do i know...

oooo the warm fuzziness is kicking in...i have a whole new appreciation for ppl living with chronic pain...i dunno how they dont kill ppl...truly.

I watched RESCUE ME last night...Dennis Leary cracks me the fuck up...i love all the swearing hahahah gawd im gay.

I think im mad at Matt Good...his friday night fan night where he invited 20 worthy fans to his empty apt for an acoustic farewell show (he is going travelling)...i dont like that crap, its like getting picked last or not at all for the dodgeball team in gym class.

I think im gunna get this today CLICK HERE
there is one newer version but im not willing to pay the difference for it...so this one is the one...its come down a little in price and i wont need to buy new batteries or memory cards 4 it...
i just need a ride to futureshop b/c i think the walk would kill me...

Holy Martha!

I cant type long so i gotta make this quick

I still cant feel my hand and this is turning out to be a weirdo thing b/c i can BITE my finger damn near off and cant feel it...i also drop things and rip ppls receipts in half b/c i cant feel my hand...its quite entertaining.

The T3's MINUS the caffeine are much more conducive to SLEEP so last night i actually slept DEEPLY and woke up with crusty eyes! YAY!!!!!!

Aunty Cathy's eyeball surgery sounded horrid today when I spoke to her....imagine a SPECULUM in yer fucking eye? Jesus oddly enough as i channel surfed today (im watching way more tv than anyone should these days) i saw an eye surgery on tv with the speculum and it is as GROSS as i imagined! barf

The englishman came over for dinner tonight and put up blinds in Aylas room...im a fucking DOOFUS and they are too fucking short 4 the window though and dont really block any fucking light so I think ill buy a cool dark purple piece of material and just make a funky thing to keep it darker.

WTF is up with that JonBenet thing? Who the fuck confesses to sicko shit like that and then it turns out it wasnt even him? He should be in jail for just having such thoughts in my opinion. Freakshow...

I said fuck a lot in this post...its the T3s and the beer talking....
Englishmans coming for a sleepover tomorrow...dont worry...there will be NO repeat performance of the neckbreaking incident...

shit

herniated/bulging cervical disc.

no magic cure....i probably havent even PEAKED yet.

ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

chiro-gal knew what i had b4 she touched me...apparently walking around with your arm/hand over your head for relief and having a numb arm and uselessly numb pointer finger is rather text book.

i went back to the Dr and got more drugs...and xrays (and cancer too im sure)...now i just live with it for 6-8 weeks.
least i know what it is...<--thats me being optomistic

last week of kidless freedom and i cant even hump.
oh well im having the englishman over for dinner so he can put up a blind in aylas room for me and hang out.

snap crackle pop

apparently i am immortal and nothing can kill me....

no change on the gibbled front.

will be begging a chiropractor after work today to save me....an act of total desperation...as im rather scared of chiropractors...
if that doesnt work i will see another Dr i guess and maybe request some heroin or morphine HA HA HA HA HA

Ive been trying to STRETCH myself...hang upsidedown...real attractive sight i can assure u but i have yet to hear that magic SNAP that makes me feel better...
i still can not feel my hand...i could lob it off and it wouldnt even hurt...

Jen the Undead

i woke up this morning...

I can't feel me legs captain....

well T3's take the edge off but dont make me numb but im not complaining....I am taking too many im sure and not pacing myself for the long haul but...fuck it...im all about getting through NOW...

i hate Dr's. i wont rant about that though.

one good thing abut this is i cant feel my knees so....haha

ayla gets home on friday with kelly and baby! im getting excited....
im thinking the englishman is gunna be scarce once shes home...thats my prediction anyhow...

i have to go to work in an hour to be there after closing while the lobby floor gets stripped and resealed...oh the joy.
i look like shyte. ha ha haaaa

bklsdf i cant type so good.

ouch

im going to the Dr.

if u know me then u know whatever i have is SERIOUS

ive had a pinched nerve in my shoulder since yesterday morning and i have not slept in about 30 hrs. and i feel like i should just cut off my arm.

today i cant really feel my arm....
ive ruled out a heart attack so aunty pam just relax hahahahhaa

i need some drugsssssssssssssssssssssssss

Gory Details

1st off Id like to apologize to anyone i may have offended on my drunken rambles around Vancouver.... ha ha
I was pissed drunk b4 we left the Cambie...im talking BLIND...ran into a guy from Powell River I havent seen in many yrs....he reminded me of a story im supposedly famous 4 although i had no idea he witnessed it...the Girls Girls Girls tour when Motley Crue played in vancouver 1987 i do believe, I took a bag of bulk weiners to the show to throw on stage....and Jason said Nikki Sixx picked one up and bit it....gawd I am superstar.
anyway...
on the walk to the arena i managed to fall on my face...thank gawd i was too drunk to feel it bc I really hurt myself hahahahahah hahahahahah hahahahahahha at least this time i was drunk unlike last time @ sam roberts when I fell and hadnt even had a drink yet. I pondered later why I always manage to not smash my face up when i wipe out and Bruce pointed out I have built in air bags (tits) so im always gunna be ok haha hhahah haha
By the way I have renamed him BRUCIFER.
There was a one drink per person limit to take into the arena so...I pulled a fast one and managed to get us 2...we finished with the one cashier and i looked at Brucifer and said *Watch this trick*....and nonchalantly wandered over to the cashier beside the one we just delt with, drink hidden below the counter and got us two more...woot woot! We wont talk about how Brucifer dropped one on the way to our seats...but its ok b/c I had more then enough by then.

It was truly the best rock show I have ever seen...I called Erica and let her hear as well...I thought I called Donna but fuck I musta been too drunk to work my phone right.

After the show...Brucifer and I sat stunned and in awe for a while til the ushers booted us outta the arena and i relized i lost my jacket....grrrrr...then we went to the Yale...drank far too much...I tried making friends with every Tool fan in the place...much to their terror im sure...bythe end of it all I was too hammered to live so we rented a room downtown and slipped into an alcoholic coma there until checkout the next morning....oddly enough...we were given room 233 but woke up in room 250. I dunno how the swipey passcard thing works but...it let us into the wrong room hahahahahhahahahahha

We went to a Granville Street dive for a 4.00 breakfast, saw lotsa freaky ppl in there...wandered down to the Cambie to drink water...strolled through the thick of the brokenness that is Main/Hastings. I am not generally one to feel *UNEASY* in rough areas but that corner is a spooky fucking mix of ppl...

So...I survived...got to meet up with Teri on my way home and it was great seeing her...its been 12 yrs! Was good to hang with Laura as well...im off now...the englishman is BBQing me fresh fish wooohooooo

Drunken Me with a Pirate

O paid this guy 10.00 to lemme take his picture b/c he had a hook 4 a hand and I swear in my drunkenness he looked like a homeless pirate.....he was really cool...

Photo Extravaganza a la Tool

Bruce was cool and wore the Tool tshirt that was my brothers...in his honor

click for bigger pics

I want this little hut...can u imagine...??

these stairs are just a fucking backbreaking fall waiting to happen

Mark...apparently he was barfing outside the Yale....im sad my camera and i missed that



ahhaah hahahha even hungover and wandering aimlessly through the streets of Vancouver this sign was horribly entertaining

someone needed back shoes in a damn hurry!







Rwwoaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!

Mmmmmmmmm im still picking foreign matter out of it

Set List

Tool Trip to Vancouver BC...Update One

im too sore to tell you all the goings on, lets just say they included the following:

me almost being killed by an escalator

me falling and losing skin/blood and bleeding all over my pants all night

me being too drunk to live hence renting a hotel room downtown to lapse into a alcoholic coma

me drinking dbl vodka paralyzers all night

me drunkenly text messaging

me hungover, as Brucifer referred to it as: I feel like a coyote ate me and then shit me off of a cliff hahahahhahahahahahaha

So yeah....im wounded...i lost my jacket...and im damn near broke...but it was the best fucking concert of my ENTIRE life...Bruce and I had the best fun ever and his friend Mark was fabulous as well...it was certainly the highlight of my year.

now i must go medicate myself. I have some AWESOME pictures ill post when i get home!

BunBun and the Pimp Car

good morning....well afternoon now....Laura has the lumpiest couch to ever reside on this planet...that and the fact im a tad too large for it doesnt help hahaha

im ready now and when Laura gets back we are gunna hit the gay mall so i can blow all my $ on my kid...then ill meet Bruce and the legendary Mark at 6 pm at the Cambie...drink like fish for a few hrs b4 the show...woot woot!

the rabbit made friends with me this morning...BunBun (any Rollins fans will have a great laugh over that name haha) is a funny little critter...BunBun is a little gibbled and i like that in an animal (hence the one eyed cat)...BunBun will be hopping along and just fall over...get back up and go again, its quite endearing. Ive never seen Laura so maternal in all my life...she loves her BunBun and her piggies. She hates children though hahahahahaha

Vartan, Laura's cute Armenian boyfriend, took us out to dinner in his hot pimp daddy car.....I looked for Jenny Good to have him run her over but...she was at the salon I guess.

I feel like I have an eyelash in my eye. Grrrrrr

Its not hot out today....MUAHHAHAHAH HAHAHAHA HAHAHAH HAHAHAH HAHAHAHA

whew....

made it here alive....went to IKEA...bought crap i didnt need but had to have (AYLA I GOT U A MOSQUITO NET 4 YER BED SO BUGS CANT GET U WHEN U SLEEP!!!!!)

Im at Laura's , there are guinea pigs EVERYWHERE haha its hilarious, they run wild all over the house...all they do it eat and poop and sleep...and look cute...

Laura also has some funky painting in her house im gunna try to hide in my bag b4 I leave...muhahahahahaha

Its hot out here...fuck i hate it being hot...but u knew that already...

Saw a few weirdos already and tok pictures...I will upload them tonight and share.

OK im gunna go grope a piggy now....

spazz

I got up early so I wouldnt be rushed...then I had such a headache I went back to bed and NOW IM RUSHED hahahah hahahah hahahahahhahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I will update from Laura's in Vancouver! Not while im making out with Maynard though....

XO

rambling idiot

im so thirsty...

hey michelle, thanks for the witchhazel trick...im all good now haha

i cant drink enough water today...im sure its severe diabetes setting in.

i havent packed yet...i dont have a bag i can stand.

BEFORE!!!

AFTER!!!

im ok you're ok

aunty cathy thinks im off my meds hahah hahah hahaha im ok...ive just been spending too much time by myself is all...this time in vancouver will be good...i can hope to run into jennifer ex-good and throw my slurpee on her...go to the library and do detective work...visit with laura and her piggies...ive never met them yet, how lame am I!?
im eager to play with her bunny and piggies cuz im assuming they dont bite.
that sounded a little dirty didnt it?

ericas gunna stay here while im gone and feed my fish, which saved him from being flushed.

why didnt anyone tell me about mazzy star until this year???? i mean come on...donna @ work said she loved fucking to mazzy star....or crying to it....depending on her mood...i thought mazzy star was a gay rap group lmao!
so then michelle sends me a song and im like OH MY FUCK....so I DL'd a shit load and omfg...like finding a lost treasure....

i smell good. good night.

fuck off already

what is it...? is it me? in my last life did i wrong men so badly that i must pay 4 it 4 eternity...? was i a war traitor and my evilness/stupidity killed many of my own men? this is karmic payback?

i just dunno what it is? men are so completely unreliable in my life...every male in my life is unreliable...none of my 983459834579834 step fathers have anything to do with me...my own father has nothing to do with me...my brother booked out early and its not like u can depend on the dead...he was someone i thought would be my constant...i thought he would always be there 4 me when every other man let me down...which is likely why the loss of him is still so fucking devestating.

even on the simplistic level of friendship i find men never reciprocate entirely...not that its about keeping score...but you know when someone habitually makes u feel like a chump that you are giving way more than u are getting...

perhaps i have more expectations than i think i do?? i dont think so...i have fairly low expectations of men/humans in general...i mean i know there are good men out there...i believe in unicorns too...and leprachauns...anyway...this is not a man bashing post in any form...truly...i like boys...theyre fun...and i realize the genders are very different in many ways...i just should stop taking it personally. (this has nothing to do with the englishman btw...)

fuck anyway...i am feeling the TIME CRUNCH here big time....i have to make a plan to go to vancouver and im completely scatterbrained...i need to just RELAX...i have no kid...i have $...and i have the time off....so FUCKING RELAX JEN U STUPID ANAL RETENTIVE TRAVELLING FREAK OF NATURE.
im just mad cuz i was outbid on that painting...so now im stomping my feet and having a hissy.

im supposed to be writing a review ... hahah hahaha hhahaha I think ill plan my trip and watch a movie instead....oh wait...the englishmans coming over...yay!

this is me shitting my underwear that i wore backwards the other day ALL DAY

GO HERE
remember that painting i was going on about a while ago....Sir Goodness is auctioning it off....I just bid all my digital camera $ on it hahahahahahahahah I think someone richer than me will out bid me but FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK ME i want that painting. I have the damn wall for THAT painting....

Comment by jennzebel on August 18, 2006 11:06 pm
Redder Than Blue *sigh*….ive pined over that damn painting since you blogged a picture of it ages ago….I will get overbid but….I will bid all the digital camera $$$ i have saved thus far for it…. 600.00

Comment by Matthew Good on August 18, 2006 11:08 pm
Winning bids so far:$800 for The Onlooker.$600 for Redder Than Blue.

Comment by jennzebel on August 18, 2006 11:11 pm
i think i just wet myself

where is my Dr Hook cd?

Laura...I promise im calling u tonight to talk about next week and other such things....

I must eat a meal today or I will indeed perish.

I drempt i was in WINNERS (unlikely) and was buying myself a skirt (even more unlikely) and I was really excited about the skirt...<---would never happen.

So yeah I stayed pretty bitter about my night of englishman delights being ruined...no BBQ ribs for me...no cuddling...no humping....how RUDE RUDE RUDE...
I dont think i will get another chance to revisit that b4 Ayla gets home now...this DISTURBS me greatly....maybe ill have to be aggressive and demand things...

Fuck I am tired...im not drinking enough water and im dehydrated and havea dehydration headache....so why dont I drink more water if i know this? ohhhh thats bc im 40 shades of stupid, thats why.....I have NO answer as to why I do shit like this to myself...?

All I know is I want that fucking painting or I may need to be hospitalized.

lauraaaaaaa I get to meet yer piggies!

for GOB ---->
ok...im done raging.
ive showered and smell good...and my face is somewhat undistorted now.
i should go to anger management. im an idiot.

anyhow.
i told the sick caller inner she will be working monday for me so i may go to vancouver early and hang with laura...READY 4 ME LAURA!!!???
i have a few things to do in the city...go to the library 4 aunty cathy and ayla wants me to go to the lulu lemon outlet store...yes...thats right folks...i love my kid SOOOOOO much i am actually considering such a fucking trip to that gayass store...it makes me wretch but i do love that little fart sack kid o' mine...i will drag laura with me, then itll look like im just tagging along with her rather then being too fat to fit into anything lulu lemon so why the fuck are u trying to buy anything here you lard ass freak....

anyway...im gunna go tackle the freak cats now so i dont have to after work. i think im overfeeding them....lol shit.

...insert raging silence here...

Night of the Knitted Dead ---->

I have not had a day off since Aug 8th...today was TO BE a full day off...until some ass called in sick...now I will be working...I will also not be making out tonight....or dining on the fabulous rib bbq dinner the make out man had planned and has been preparing for 2 days....ORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR having time to do so again.

I am so irrate I could shoot nails outta my fucking eyes.

But...whatever.
Sure glad I get paid the big bucks for this shit (tap your sarcasm detector if the reading didnt shoot up to 100 on that one)...

Have a lovely day.
Your bitter, angry, pissed off, martyring victim of ineptitude,

Jen xo

furr coated cat poo

im drinking rootbeer.
i slept like a log...a large dead log.

cousin kellys new camera is giving me a boner....

Ayla is looking her typical lovely summery loveliness...in summer i look horrid b/c i stay pasty and blah but Ayla...man she tans so well and looks radiant...esp standing next to her pasty mother haha

i have today off...I have some stuff to do...cat litter duties...man that cat hates my guts...ive had to resort to the water bottle to keep it from attacking me...which really just pisses him off more so if he ever does full on attack me im shredded. Changing the litter of 2 large cats every day has inspired me to not have an indoor cat again...although i will say, whichever cat shits on the carpet has very unique cat shit...its coated with his furr so its easy to pick up and not really like a turd at all....weird. It is that evil cat I know it...long haired mean ass mofo cat. I will take my camera and try to get a picture of it hissing at me.

Mr Howard --- try commenting here

sdkhsjk klhjskjfhs oieuuro kjeirfh4 8h3eh isjdhefisuehf

I want a jesus cake 4 my birthday

infants and squirrels with no face

I ate cashews for supper last night at 11 pm....they were still haunting me when i woke up this morning.

I got a glimpse of that kitten with no tail...he wasnt eaten by a hawk thankfully...
although i did see a dead squirrel with no face the other day walking to work...it was weird...it was perfect, on his back, all cute and furry and then...oops no FACE! something ate only its face...weird.

I have Friday off....the englishman says hes BBQing ribs for me friday...he has also painted his apt green...it was yellow b4 and i actually liked it...so we will see if the green makes for better making out.

I was bad yesterday...some freak came in...we werent able to help him b/c of some administrative error...which was an easy fix, he just had to go make 1 phone call...so the guy shits himself i swear...he calls me a fucking bitch b/c I wont do this 4 him...so I tell him...look its not that I LOVE this reaction, I would if I could but my hands are tied...you need to make a phone call, thats all and we would be able to do this for you....nope im a fucking bitch...he leaves...comes back....ranting...so i look him in the eye...and say *YOU ARE ACTING LIKE AN INFANT...if you would calm down this would go much smoother and I can actually get you the help you need*....when i called him an infant i think it took all his might to keep his mouth shut but i think he knew i was right hahahahaha Now...this goes against everything we are supposed to do in these situations...id get in a world of shit if my boss knew i called a customer an infant...but u know...u start swearing at me and being a cunt...fuck you too...if i have to stand there and be reasonable all day, retard after retard the least u can do is being a human fucking being...Soooooooooo he leaves in a huff...scares away these 2 little asian ladies outta the lobby, never to be seen again hahaha....then comes back a half hour later...Tarah served him, he apologized and said it was not our error and its fixed...etc...all was well and good...so im serving a customer and he taps on the glass to me and says IM SORRY FOR BEING AN INFANT...hahah hahahah hahahaha hahaha hahahahaha hahahahaha sometimes life is good.

pieces of his corpse line my trunk

last night erica came over with her laptop for me to fix and we ate baked spaghetti and talked about how relationships were so fucking retarded...
not that I would know as i havent had one in many yrs that is actually what I consider a relationship...and even then it was a piss poor excuse 4 one...
this makes me wonder...maybe it is me.
lard ass aside...maybe im really fucked up and truly have NOOOOO idea. lol weirder shit has gone on in the world...although i prefer to think ive just not found what i require thus far...no more fat phobics...no more ppl who dont like their families...no more addicts...no more bullshitters (good luck with that one, I know)...
Little Tarah at work just gave her notice...it was really sweet...she was freaking out telling me how much she loved me and loved the job but some bank offered her fulltime at 2.00/hr more and i was like DUHH if u dont take it i will lol no i wouldnt cuz they make u dress like a hoytee person there but whatever...anyway we are all very sad that in 3 wks our little Tarah Bean will be gone :o( we have such fun at work...we are grossly inappropriate ALL THE TIME and laughhhhhhhhhhhhh omfg we laugh...its a good place to work...it being a happy place is something I work at maintaining...i fucking hate dreading going to work...and its nice not to dread it.

Ayla will be home Sept 1...I cant frikkin wait! I miss her funny little self even when she drives me around the bend with her emotional drama. Kelly and baby Maddie will be coming too for the weekend...ooo I get to PLAY with a real live playable baby now! woohoo

Holy Shit 6 days til TOOL and BRUCEY PARTY TIME ~ especially b/c Bruce was recently evicted and we plan to torment his neighbors MuHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Cat sitting is going alright...Monster hasnt killed me yet. I found the water bottle so to keep him away from me I spray him with it and he slinks away plotting my death but at a safe distance.

fuck I hate it when blogger wont post pictures....they are an intrigal part of my online babbling and really enhance my retardation level....lol

christonacracker it never goes away!

--->The Trevor Post <---

you will recall from this ancient post above I was psychotic as a teen...and look at me now...im almost 36 and when I see a picture with Trevor Nicolson's arms and hair in it my heart flip flops...this is the reason I had a thing for long haired lanky musicians my whole damn life...look he has a kid now....and is doing well...he grew up...fabulous!

talking with Twilla was a HOOT...she is still her funny self...im glad I looked her up!

snarl fest

i am on high alert irritate mode today...i was out with shawn today and damn near ripped his lips off 4 daring to even consider parking 14 blocks from where we were going to save a dollar on parking....poor guy....

someone talk me out of wanting a boyfriend please.....really...it is a bad idea...i know it is...which makes me wonder why that matters to me since i am so attracted to the casualness of the situation with the englishman and how easy going and laidback it is....i think maybe im just being a chickenshit, going the casual route...while it has some highpoints...its not terribly fulfilling emotionally whatsoever...then again ~ what is really? Ohhh having babies....yeah im not that desperate for emotional fulfillment thank u very much.
I will just plod along...if i meet someone fabulous on the way im not passing them up...fuck ive done that b4...learned my lesson.

I was being a PI recently and tracked down a number for an old pal of mine Twilla...she is the little sister of Trevor....Trevor who was my 1st psychotic teenage horny lustful love who I beat girls up over and made an overall fool of myself for...oh yes it was ugly...plotted murders...plotted all sorts of sordid things...jesus i was unstable.
Anyhow...as it turned out his little sister Twilla ended up being a better friend and Ive always wondered what she was up to all these yrs...so I rang her and left a msg...she left me one back...she has the same little cute voice...hehehehe I was smiling LARGELY listening to it! I always worried she thought I only liked her cuz I was psycho over her brother but that was never the case...so im hoping she will be around tonight so we can catch up...its been about 12+ yrs. i dont think she knows I spit a kid out way back when unless Trevor told her, cuz i bumped into him in Vancouver once when Ayla was a baby...

Anyhow...im now feeling rather FOUL...so im gunna go be miserable on the couch.

missed church again....

the wine i could gag back cold but once it was warm it was all his....

the retards at rogers video handed me the wrong movie so there was no V FOR VENDETTA movie night after all...they gave me THE WHITE COUNTESS....hahaha yeah no thanks. We watched SNATCH (the movie) instead...it was better than i expected...havent seen a Guy Ritchie film b4 (shit does he even have any other ones? LOL) and since he married madonna i wasnt sure what to exect ha! loved some of the characters though...I get a total boner when english ppl tell someone to FUCK OFF....it just sounds so fucking awesome!

We ate some chinese food...drank wine (barf)...was a good night...the end.

Now i have to go to work....but b4 that i have to go get kitty litter for the evil cats im cat sitting...A&T are away and I am making sure that Cookie & Monster dont die...well Monster who I hate could die but then T. would be mad at me....and Cookie is so obese I could not feed him for 2 weeks and he'd be fine too....if he died T. would LOVE me but A. would be mad at me....I CANT WIN!
Monster loathes me...and most other humans...he hisses and pretends hes gunna attack me an I have to actually defend myself cuz if the thing comes near me I freak out. lol He is a vicious little bitch cat.

Ayla will be home Sept 1st - and Kelly and baby Maddie will come too and be here for the weekend! YAY!!!!!!!!!

douche!

hahah check out this cool shower curtain (im jealous)..mel bought it cuz she thought it just said SHOWER on it...from FIELD's...she gets it home and it says DOUCHE as well hahahaha

***i dont know why shes wearing shoes in the shower so dont ask me***

tonight is V FOR VENDETTA sleepover night with Mr Englishman...he is bringing wine...I hate wine but a man has never wanted to bring wine over so im fucking drinking it just because...good thing he didnt offer to bring over a butt plug...~shiver~

Is that not cute!!?!

I made the Sept schedule 4 work and have 9ish vacation days off...if im finiancially ABLE I think I may trip up to Powell River for a few of the days - drag Ayla outta school for a few and have a good carefree visit! Thats what im hoping 4 anyhow. I dont want that little baby to forget who the hell I am...actually its not like she knows who I am yet really but thats ok...i like the dellusion!

Ok I must go make myself look as unhideous/untired/unweary/unloserish as possible. xo

im a fag hag, i admit it

i have a headache

i have to be at work in an hour

i am housesitting 2 cats for the next few weeks...one is mean and would love to shred my face off, the other is nice and obese and generally well mannered...they will not be coming to my house but ill visit them a few times a day...makes sure the fat one doesnt eat the mean one etc.

I fell asleep to the movie SINGLES last night and Michelle I thought of u when AiC was on stage trying to imagine you know who being a sloppy necker....such a shame. haha

im gunna wear runners today even though theyll look super gay with the pants im wearing...i have no shame.

im buying a new camera with my quarterly bonus in 2 weeks...im gunna do it...im gunna get one that gives me a frikkin hard on whenever I use it...

thanks GOB for the cool jesus site....he he he

fucktardedness

my 1.5 hr OT shift turned into a 6 hr OT shift.

this makes me unhappy.

if u ever want a pet but know better get one of these shamrock plants....they open in the daytime and close up in the night so it seems like they are a conscious thinking animal.

this makes me glad im expecting company this evening to take my mind off my unstable brain.

i wanted to punch an asian girl in the face today...not b/c she was asian but bc she was just fucking stupid and annoying.
if u wanna send $ to someone AT LEAST KNOW YOUR FUCKING ADDRESS U REJECT. good gawd, like i wanna talk to your inbred bf on your fancy cell fone bc yer too stupid to know yer own address...and then hes so inbred he doesnt even know it either so FUCK U BOTH and your rich chinese parents who sent u a sick amt of $$ to live on every semester.

i can smell my feel b/c i wore my sandals...sandals that now officially reek of stinky summer foot smell.

i think i need a bath...and my book...and a lobotomy.

aunty pam....BURNT TOAST smell is a symptom of an epileptic seizure...im not having a heart attack or a stroke...its just a simple case of epilepsy...settle down...no i really could smell burnt toast....4 real.
im sure the fact i could smell weiners and beans with it means something even worse for me though hahahaa

ok its official. i miss my kid. she will be home for 1 day and will start fighting with me but i really do miss her funny self.
AYLA I BOUGHT U A FULL LENGTH MIRROR SO U CAN CHECK YERSELF OUT REAL GOOD! woooooohooooooooooooooooo
sad thing is im too fat to fit in her mirror hahaha ahhahaha hahahah hahahahah haa

ohhh gawd self deprecation is my forte, too bad i couldnt make a living slamming myself.

I smell burnt toast

ok...im sitting here smelling this toast smell...and it reminds me of weiners and beans...maybe i can smell the weiners and beans but just dont realize b/c im overtaken by the toast smell. I could also be having a seizure...
zellers was fun...shawn stood right in the period aisle with me...no shame whatsoever...and when i said *omg what a big box* he laughed and laughed b/c I didnt mean to say it like it sounded ~ ha!

we had a good lunch...no hot guys 4 him to drool over though sadly. Its always interesting to see what he finds good looking in a guy...we rarely agree ever...I like scumbags...he likes jocks lol ok thats not true...im not all about scumbags anymore...
after lunch in the car he cranked a backstreet boys song (incomplete or some fucked up crap) really loud and sang as I died inside, horrified someone would think i liked the music blasting out of the car...good gawd that was horrific.

I think I need to force myself to be a little more social the next few weeks...I feel myself slipping into one of my cyclic *i wanna be alone* phases which is never a cool thing when the sprog is away b/c it turns ugly on me.
Speaking of Mz Sprog...today I got her some goodies for when she comes home...(haha now she will call me begging for details)

I snagged the sprogs vcr/tv combo thingy and have it in my room now so i can watch my old movies and the thing is like, RIGHT IN MY FACE on my night stand so its like being in a movie theatre...
I watched STIGMATA the other night and remembered how hot I think Gabriel Byrne is...

hangnails and hard boogers

Happy Birthday to SHAWN today! I am taking him out 4 lunch...the cute bastard, then im gunna make him take me to buy a plethora of menstrual products at Zellers hahah hahah hahaha hahaha hahahah hahahaha this makes me laugh.
it is also Deanna's 40 millionth wedding anniversary today...I dont even know how many yrs....for someone her age its some freaky # though...and Tydes dont get any ideas b/c I dont think u should partake in such foolishness called marriage...and u know im sure Mel is perfectly lovely and made cool babies with u...but YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER TO YOUR PLIGHT...
ok thats my lecture 4 the day. Sorry tydes to publically swat your hand but believe it or not a lot of us blog whores adore you and would like to see you somewhat happy someday and not settle. (dont get me wrong...I *get* the pickle you are in....that is a shitload of obligation and duty and responsibility)

Oh...arent I a line crosser. Bad Jen.
Michelle and I had a brilliant chat last night...we exchanged some stupid parent tidbits...emotional retardation etc was quite grand...she should MSN more...with me anyway haha

TYDES - i got to hear your 2 podcasts finally...I will send you treats if you MAKES ME CDS....im serious...u have a very fucking cool collection of music and i wanna weasle in on some of it...the thing is i know if u make me a mix itll be BRILLIANT (using flattery to get a mixed cd is not unscrupulous haha)...hint hint I want a cd...im willing to pay...ill send u jesus paraphenalia!!!!!

"Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby" was really frikkin funny...lotsa laughing going on there...loved the 2 little smart ass kids...I kept thinking the whole time that I wished I could watch uncle Jim watching it b/c he is gunna piss in his sweat pants....hahaha
James seemed to like it...there were some really funny parts...I gotta make that guy watch Wedding Crashers...

I am really loving The Bell Jar....when i first started reading it I was struck by the writing...her at ease ability to write something wimple and make it meaningful somehow...esp with this new fav. line of mine:

I felt myself melting into the shadows like the negative of a person i'd never seen before in my life.

yeah...that fucking rules.

anyhow im determined not to be a sloth today so im making myself get busy...

Butt Plugs & Other Mysteries of the World

Good day at work....later me and fellow Matt Good junkie ~James~ are going to see the goofy Nascar movie with Will Ferrell...I so wanna laughhhhhh - it better not suck.

15 DAYS TIL TOOL IN VANCOUVER!!!!!! woooooohooooo Maynard look out...ok no not really sir, no need to be frightened...if I had the chance to meet you id bolt, like with MG (cuz im so sure Maynard reads my blog after all hahah hahah maniacal laughter hahaha hahaha)...I never hang around to meet performers...Henry Rollins too...and not just cuz I had to pee really bad...I left b/c it just seems weird to me...im all excited and jealous when other ppl do but I dont really wanna haha I know that makes no sense.

I lost my bank card, and then I found it....
good thing to cuz a trip to the bank is up there with a trip to the annual uterus poking dr appt...

Have I mentioned lately my landlady above me is anal retentive and annoying...??

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KORI!!!!!! You are 30 now u old fuck hahaha hahahah hahaha Yer cute even when yer acting like a fag in your wet suit!!!!!!!

Also...little Mz Asha has a birthday today...what a good day 2b born! Happy Barfday!